Never thought my life would come to such a negative state, for the last 5 months, I believe I have been suffering from Depression and Anxiety. Only up to this breaking point have I realized that it has become an issue, it is real, it's not going away and I need help.
Only 6 months beforehand, I was truly happy, confident, giving, so relaxed in life, stress and drama free, I had just gotten into a relationship with my current partner now, who I believe is my soul mate and I am blessed to have his hand, never felt so happy with anyone during our first happy month, I had everything going for me and could only think things would reach higher for me.
I was then made redundant. I was shocked, but I figured getting a job would be no stress and I'd be fine. I never told my partner I lost my job as I felt it was too shameful to admit, figured I would get a new one in a week without telling him, as I was always the independent type of girl who likes to be on top of everything. Well, in not telling my partner straight away led to me digging myself a hole that got bigger and bigger as the months went by. Two months later, I still never told my partner. Instead, I found myself in a trap. A trap of lies, dishonesty, hurt and a lot of stress. I became so stubborn at this point that I was leaving the house every morning pretending I was going to my job when instead I would find myself sitting in a library all day applying for cash loans, selling all of my jewelry/electronics and begging family for money, all this just to find a way to prove I was working and had an income to my partner. This whole issue became so stressful about money and working everyday that it was eating me alive, I felt anxious at the end of everyday to return back home on Fridays with only $70 "wages" for the whole week, whenever my partner brought up where my money has gone we broke out in massive fights, I was losing myself without realizing. Money became so caught up in my life that it wasn't even about finding a new job anymore, it was all about new ways to make money everyday for proof of employment.
So now, 5 months later. I cry almost everyday, sometimes for no reason, my head is literally tumbling around with constant negative and positive thoughts, resulting in mood swings. I get so stressed in bad situations and fights with my partner, I feel like I can't breathe, my head and my mood is so negative and upsetting that I am driving the love of my life away. I don't want this anymore 😞
