hi bounique, welcome ,, nice name.
Dont be nervous. we are all sufferers of various mental illnesses.
I think we all drop off friends or they run away during the early periods of illness. We cant even look after ourselves let alone conduct ourselves with the balance needed to maintain our friendships.
And with a boyfriend/girlfriend some will not have the capacity to endure the complexities of a mentally ill partner. Which means it is not your fault. I'm highlighting words so you take real notice of them...its so important.
Throughout your life friends will come and go. GF/BF's come and go until they filter through and you find some that stick. They are more compatible, mature, perhaps have an illness like yours or understands. My guess is that 80% of people dont/wont understand, 10% try to and get and idea of it, 5% do understand and 5% are current sufferers. So this means a/ you will likely not have a partner that will understand in the short term b/ that you'll lose a lot of friends. Ever heard the saying "just snap out of it"? most here have. They are part of the 80%.
Sadly most people want to just enjoy life and they dread sitting down with a depressed person. There are various reasons for this. Like- they cant see any obvious way to help their friend eg unlike physical injury that you can see, our moods bring them down and they dont want to feel sad and for a long long period of time they dont see any progress.
And it isnt all about us sufferers. Remember, there are people out there with hidden problems they dont declare publicly, past health issues that change their view of life, health issues within their own family. I have a friend that told me after I said to him "I'm saddened that you dont care about my depression" he replied "I've had a brother and a mother that suicided...I just want to have fun, fun, fun". This is understandable isnt it?
So my advice is- if you feel you have wrecked a friendship let it drift....it might revitalise one day but dont plead for it to remain. As for your boyfriend your illness is a part of you. It is likely to remain part of you and hopefully you will learn to manage it well but it is likely not to be cured. Therefore if he doesnt/cannot accept you for your illness there isnt much future there I'm afraid to say.
I think you get my approach. Take care
Tony WK
