no friends, heaps of worries

[meowmess]

sup people this is my first post so yea. in the past 6 or so months I’ve had two of my “best friends” distance themselves from me. by distance I mean excluding me. I was not invited to group event, at lunch one of them sat in a different spot so I couldn’t find them. even led to this same one skipping classes we had together. these people aren’t in the same friend group or even talk to each other. when I’ve been like yo what’s the go one said “I can’t stand you” and the other said “I’m scared you’ll talk to me about your depression and anxiety”, mind you this girl in particular has been a close friend of mine SINCE WE WERE THREE. that’s a long ass time and now all of a sudden she’s “scared”. the one who “can’t stand” me told me it’s also due to my depression and anxiety which I might add I keep to myself.

anyway, it’s coming to the end of the holidays and I literally have no friends which go to school with. all my friends have either graduated, go to another school or dropped out. so like now I’m terrified to go back to school because I’m not ready to have my last year at school sitting by myself. how do I stop loosing friends over this? and also what do i do?

ps I think I explained all of this so poorly soz xo

[james1]

Hey meowmess,

Welcome and it's nice to meet you here. Sorry to hear about your best friends excluding you. That must feel really terrible and isolating, especially if it's people you've come to know really well and at a time when you really need some friends to just hang out with.

Unfortunately a lot of people just don't understand mental illness and just avoid us. Like you, I lost a bunch of friends because of my depression about 3 or 4 years ago and found it really hard to just get on with my daily life.

I think the first thing is to make sure you find someone else who you can count on. For me, it was my sister and my psychologist. I also found a couple of friends who I would just hang on with every now and then. I didn't really talk to them about my mental health because I had my psychologist for that, but it was nice to just have company.

Do you have any doctors or others you think you could speak to?

Also, if you are at school there are sometimes school counsellors who could help you out with this too.

Hope to hear from you again!

James

[meowmess]

hi james, thanks for your response

at school we have counsellors but unfortunately I am not allowed to see any of them. I know them all outside of school so it’s considered a conflict of interest. I’ve also struggled to find someone else I can see as I live in a small town and spaces are limited

Ive never really spoken to my friends about mental health. I’m open about it but I also don’t talk about it frequently. I kinda just tell my mum and my boyfriend, both of which do not attend school. I like to keep it private as it makes me very vulnerable and I also feel as if I will be judged

Ive kinda just felt a lot of personal rejection. these people know me best and have made it very clear they “hate” me for just being me. past falling outs havnt hurt anywhere near as much because there has been a reason other then they’ve just decided they don’t like me anymore

as Im from a small town, Ive known everyone I go to school with since we were in nappies. this makes it even harder to branch out going into year 12. there isn’t really any uncharted territory. I’ve also had past issues with a lot of my grade due to past experiences of me being bullied.

I want to have friends. but I also don’t want to not be myself or act differently to please others.

[james1]

Hello meowmess,

Sorry about the delay in my response. I've had a really busy week.

Oh that is crap about the conflict of interest with your school counsellors. Are you on a waiting list with anyone/perhaps your counsellors could do a referral?

I understand that you may not want to tell people because it feels really vulnerable. I also struggle to even tell my psychologist sometimes for fear of being too vulnerable. it's a very difficult feeling to deal with, but it becomes easier with practice. Like, up to now, your experiences with vulnerability have not been good with your friends. But if your parents/boyfriend/doctor were to respond well, you'd develop a good 'bank' of positive experiences with being vulnerable. After all, everybody has these issues themselves...just about different things.

Ah...yeah school is really tough. People can be very immature about these things. My sister supported this girl with depression from year 10-11, and in year 11 it was every night on the phone for at least an hour. In year 12, the girl decided she didn't like my sister anymore and said she hoped they never saw each other again after school. I dunno. People can be mean for no reason and while it's hard not to take personally, I really think it's just a reflection on your friends and not you. And as you say, it's not worth trying to be different to who you are to please people who clearly have their own bubbling issues.

Have you ever thought about calling the Beyond Blue support line on 1300 22 4636? I mean, it's not the same as having a counsellor or psychologist, but when you are struggling, it can be nice to have someone (even a stranger) to speak to on the phone.

James