New Here: Meant to be the best years of my life

[_steph_]

Hi everyone - i just discovered this forum and everyone seems to open minded and helpful so i thought i might try my luck for some advice.

I'm 19, just finished my second year at uni and suspect I've been depressed for about 4 years now. For the past 5 years I've always had someone terminally ill in the family, all 3 of them had cancer, and all three died, the last of them early this year. Even though i wasn't directly involved in their care, the atmosphere at home and seeing their deterioration really took its toll on me. My parents would get angry at me for not asking how they were, but i was scared to because i didn't want to hear they were getting worse and i didn't want to act nosey.

At school I never felt like I really had much in common with my friends, even though i got along with them - people would always comment how i was so mature but tbh i just felt detached. When school finished I gravitated towards my childhood friends who i kept contact with through church and who i knew were my best bet for long term friends. I live about an hour away from them all and they're all so close, so the past 2 years since i finished school I've been torn between desperately wanting to get really close to them, but seeing that they couldn't put in the effort to see someone who lives so far away. I can't make friends outside my church/culture group anymore because I feel like it's the only thing thats held me up through everything and no one else understand my values.

After doing my first year of uni i realised i hated my degree and wanted to start something new, but now that I'm a year into my new course i'm under so much pressure to achieve and do well and even though I'm more content with my direction i still struggle to find the motivation to do much more than wake up in the morning.

My parents are doctors and i'm scared to open up to them because i don't want them to ignore how i feel and say i'm dramatic, or start treating my like a patient, but i think I'm at the point that i need help and don't know where to go. I live at home, can't drive and don't even have my own medicare.

Sorry for the long post, hopefully someone can give me some pointers - just under pressure that these are meant to be the best years of my life and all I can think about is how I don't mean much to anyone. Am I depressed or being melodramatic??

[elyce2205]

To *steph*

First of all let me start by saying congratulations on making it through your second year of uni. Being a uni student myself i know that in itself is an amazing achievement. I am 21 and have just finished my first year after changing multiple times and although the circumstances that drew us to this forum are different I hope i can offer some useful advice.

The pressure to do well in life and university can be hard and it may not just be pressure from your parents but pressure from yourself to live up to the expectations around you. In my experience i have found that making friends within your course to be one of the most helpful things. As daunting as making new friends is, in fear of distancing yourself from old ones, I have made all of my best friends after leaving high school. Having friends at uni takes some of the pressure off as you can laugh about exams and help each other through. If your friends at home cant make the effort to see you then its there loss. You will still remain friends just maybe not as close as you once wanted. Sometimes moving on to new things is the most helpful.

I myself work in and study health so i understand why you would be apprehensive about talking to your parents. But honestly they have been through the same things and its possible they have felt similar feelings and haven't said anything. Sometimes opening up makes others realise that you need help when they thought you were fine or that the didn't realise how you were feeling. As to whether or not you actually have depression its hard to know 100%. the best thing to do is ask for help, nothing will change unless you change it yourself

As for these being the best years of your life, its different for everyone. For myself i find travelling is the best time of my life, when i'm at my happiest are the best times. Don't be afraid to not fit into stereotypical sayings. People always said high school was the best years, then i got to uni and everyone said thats the best, i promise once you've graduated and are working they will say now will be the best years after that family will be the best years. Its up to you when the best years of your life are - not anyone else!

 I hope some part of this has helped and that you know you're not alone.

[_steph_]

I honestly can't tell you how much I appreciate your response elyce. Its always good to hear from people who are in a similar stage in their life. Hopefully I'll be able to work up the courage to speak to someone but for now I'm just trying to push through and see. I think the time when the emptiness hits me hardest is during the holidays rather than at uni, no matter what group of friends i'm with.

As for completing your first year of uni, congratulations! Thank you again for your support