New and not sure what to do

[Zacmond]

Hey, so I'm in high school, 17, and not feeling at all myself lately. I'm having a hard time with friends and family lately. I used to love all my friends and family, but even my best friends and family aren't making feel loved. My dad suffers from depression, my sister recently was diagnosed with depression.

life at home isn't the best, I feel like I'm always being yelled at and or getting into trouble for something I've done. I feel dad uses me as a scapegoat for everything. My parents are always fighting, constantly yelling at my sister and i.

i feel so lonely, I feel like no one cares anymore. Most of my close friends are in relationships and are always seeing their partners. I don't feel like my usual happy self anymore and I don't know what I did to make myself feel like this or how I can fix it. My family has been pointing out to me that I'm not acting normal and it's making me even more mad for some reason.

what can I do to become myself again and not feel so lonely in life?

[geoff]

hello Zacmond, I'm so sorry that life is pretty tough for you right now, but it may have been going on for quiet awhile, but it seems as though it begins at home, simply because you're being yelled at and being used as a scapegoat, which is definitely not going to make you feel good within yourself, so when you go to high school you have all this built up emotion, so the release has to come at some stage.
Just because your friends are in a r/ship doesn't mean that everything is perfect for them, because there is no such word as 'perfect', it doesn't exist, it's impossible that nothing will go wrong for anybody, and I'm saying that in a practical manner.
If your family say to you that you're acting 'normal' ignore what they are saying, remember your dad and sister are struggling with depression, so what you can do is contact Reachout and/or Sane in whatever State you live in, these people are able to help you through this and advise you on what you can do.
This doesn't mean you stop contacting us because we certainly want to hear back from you and help you with whatever advise we can offer. Geoff.

[Zacmond]

Hey Geoff,

Reflecting on what you said in your reply, life at home has never been perfect. It has it's ups and downs. When I'm getting in trouble, when my dad drinks- he drinks a lot and always starts fights. I think that's where it all starts to be honest. He drinks because of stress. He's stressed because he's been starting his own business for a while and it hasn't been properly started. It all relates to each and it's hard to cope with. Sometimes it's hard to get home from places not knowing what mood he is in or how to act. Even when we go out, not knowing how he will act. The worst part, is that some of my social life is hard to proceed with. Im usually advised by my mum not to bring people over or to celebrate my birthday because of the fact that we don't know how he will act.

i understand that no ones perfect in life, and I know everyone goes through their own struggles. But all my friends being in relationships, sort of makes me not envious as such, but more like the fact I wish I had someone to care about and someone would care about me that much.

my social life isn't always the best either. I'm a guy who is more close to females than I am i males. A lot of my friends are females. But I get judged for being this way. I get called names I know I'm not, and people become hypocritical about it. My best friend is a female, and she stays over sometimes when we don't see each other for a while. People in my group get mad and all this beef(trouble/arguments) start because of it. I domt understand why I can't be friends with females without being judged.

Also last thing, I know I mentioned it in my last post, but I feel like I'm still confused with everyone, as such as its a daze to me. I have a good job, good friends, and a loving family, but I always feel confused and as if I'm an outsider to everyone. Is isolation a good method? To get away from everything for a while. Is it best to confront everything I feel? Is there other things like meditation or anything that can provide me with some light at the end of my tunnel.

Sorry to bore you, I just need to get things off my chest

[Just Sara]

Hey Zac;

Welcome to our caring community here at BBlue.

I'm an oldie and a mother of a 27 yr old son so I get where you're coming from. I went thru it and so did my son. 17's one of those ages where life hits hard if you're not out rebelling or getting in touch with your sexuality. It can be isolating and sad.

Being at home and at school brings its own problems especially for young men like yourself. There's nothing wrong with being friends with girls either. I was best friends with a guy at school; we were teased too.

As for teen hormones/brain chemicals, there's so much going on in your head and body, it's a confusing and emotional time for guys and girls as well.

The best thing for you to understand, is that those emotions and changes are normal and par for the course of a 17 yr old. Brain chemistry's trying to transition you from childhood to adulthood. This takes time, so having support like your GP and school counsellor can be of great benefit. Please try to be patient and gentle with yourself.

Also, a family member outside your home can provide a confidante close, but not too close. I had an aunt and Nan for purging to when I was sad for nothing, or had questions about growing up. The internet might have heaps of info, but it doesn't talk back or let you cry on its shoulder eh?

Please have a scout around the threads or follow the links below (in blue) for a bit of reading. I hope I've been helpful hun. Practice slow deep breathing while you focus on your body. This'll help balance thoughts or worry ok.

Warm thoughts;

Sez x

[geoff]

hello Zacmond, I will reply again but can I just correct what I said ' you're NOT acting 'normal' . Geoff

[geoff]

hello again Zacmond, having a father who is temperamental when he drinks is always difficult to know what sort of reaction you will get when you arrive home so it maybe quite embarrassing when you bring someone home.
You won't be able to confront these situations unless you know how to, that's why seeing your doctor will get the ball rolling.
How close are you to being 18 and secondly you can be friends with females and if you're being judged then I'm sure your mates are only jealous because in a few years they will be doing exactly the same as what you're doing. Geoff.

[Zacmond]

Hey Geoff, it's been a few days. I've been taking everything you've said and I'm feeling like I can take more control of my emotions. I Was 17 in July so I'm a far while away from being 18.

I have mentioned it before, but that feeling of still being lost keeps hitting me. sometimes I feel like I don't fit in with my peers or situations. It makes me feel very vulnerable. I feel lost in a sense that all my feelings get jumble into one mixed emotion. This causes me to have mood swings and get really angry really quickly. I don't know what I can do to find myself again.

School is also really stressful, I've had so many tests recently and also I've had subject selection for my final year at school. Maths is really not my strongpoint and it's causing me to not focus on anything at school.

ive been thinking about seeing my school councillor but I'm not sure if they will tell my parents or not, and I kinda wanna try and handle some of my own problems on my own terms. Also, if I was to see a gp I'm not sure what I would say to her or start the conversation with. I get really awkward about this sorta stuff.

last thing I wanna talk about, is the fact that my friends are in drama and not acting normal. One of my good mates isn't really acting his normal self, and I'm not sure what's up but I don't wanna mention it to him inapcase anything gets awkward or he feels temperamental about the question. There's also drama between two of my good friends. ive been talking to both like I normally would but I feel caught in the crossfire. My guy friend in this drama is really being happy about it, but I can see through the act and know he cares about what's happened. I don't know how to approach talking to him about it because I know he will either fake how he feels or not tell the full truth. On the other hand, my girl friend in this situation, is really sad and not happy, it's putting her down and I also don't know how to approach the conversation. I'm trying to talk to both of the, how I usually would but I don't want to feel like I'm becoming part of the drama or get involved or say something to af fend either of them. It's a bug struggle to stay caring for both parties when they are fighting.

Thank you for also helping my through this tough time I really appreciate it.

[Zacmond]

Hey sez, I resll appreciate your reply, it allowed me to step back and look at everything I've been doing. I'm not the biggest rebel in life, I don't go out till 3 every Saturday or go to every party. The only problem is that I don't want to be too innocent or fragile either. I want to do things but I don't want to go overboard. At this age their a fine line of whats rebellious and what's not.

I've come to realise that everyone else's opinion doesn't matter to me anymore when it comes to my best friend. I can be friends with who I want to be friends with and the people judging are just jealous that I can have such good friendships.

I feel like I want to talk to someone, but I'm not sure who. My grandparents could be an option but I feel also awkward about it coz I've never talked to them about anything really serious or personal, so I don't know how I would approach it. I don't really have any other people I would feel comfortable talking to about it all.

The breath comment really helped, taking deep breaths help me gather my thoughts and allows me to make rational decisions.

Ive also found that going to the gym helps a lot. I went on Monday and that really helped me clear my head. I feel like its a good strategy for clearing my head but I don't want to go there all the time. Do you have any recommendations?

Thank you also for reply and helping me get through this tough time I'm dealing with x

[geoff]

hi Zacmond, good to see you back and what can happen so many times is that people want to try and get themselves back on track rather than seeking help, the idea sounds to be good but it really doesn't work out that way.
The reason is that any severe problem/s you are facing are left alone simply because they create too much anxiety even thinking about them, but these are the issues which do need all the help you can get, and because you're still 17 if the school counsellor suggest to see a psychologist then your parents should be told, but would this worry your mother, maybe because your dad and sister also have depression, so perhaps the school counsellor could suggest to them that you need to see a doctor, well a white lie may not go amiss here, the point is that an appointment needs to be made.
If you want your g/parents to know that could be an excellent choice, because once they know what's going on then they will jump on board and not tell your parents.
What would be a good idea is to write down pretty well everything that is troubling you, then hand it over to the doctor, this will break the ice and get over not knowing what to verbally tell them.
I know that it may sound frightening to you but once you see the doctor, actually view their face and what they look like that the biggest hurdle you have overcome.
It's obvious you have so much feelings for another couple of friends and can see through their fake exterior, that's what real friends can do, so I would approach them and say to them separately that you don't want to see them fight, because it's affecting how you are thinking and the disagreement will not be resolved so call it quits.
There are some positives here but also some negatives, but please I hope to hear back from you. Geoff.