need some help with social anxiety

[emmi7]

i need some tips for how to deal with social anxiety. its really hard for me to talk to people outside my friendship group and it took me forever to open up to them like i have. i can't talk to strangers that well and i feel like I'm going to faint every time i do. it gets to the point where i don't want to leave the house. i would really like some help 😔

[Jacko777]

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums emmi.baker.

Sorry to hear you are suffering from this, I know what it feels like. Are you seeing a counsellor or such? I can tell you what helped me with social anxiety but it might not help you, it depends on why you are feeling the way you are.

For me, I suffered from a fear of loss. On a subconscious level I guess I became fearful of losing out on any situation. With professional support I had the realisation of why I felt the way I did, it wasn't the 'real me', then I could practice being true to my self. I believe my true self to be friendly, caring and loving and if I started to slip back in to distrust and fear I would have to pull my self up and shift my focus. It helps me to forget about my self  and focus on those around me, I try to find out about them and be a server, make them comfortable and listen to them. I don't believe I can really know what someone else is thinking so I try not to get caught up in what they might be thinking about me, it's a waste of my energy to worry about something that probably isn't even happening. Love is the key for me, I try to love those around me, trust them until I am proven wrong. I believe in the saying,'You cannot have love and fear in your heart at the same time.' So I practice keeping love in my heart at all times, some times are more challenging than others of course! I be thankful that I have the opportunity to meet some of the amazing people on the planet, i.e. all of them.

It's important to get a professional diagnosis of what is going on, then you can develop your specific plan of recovery. With action and good support I know you can improve your ability to deal with social situations. Talk any time.

Jack x

[Zeal]

Hi Emmi,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm glad Jack gave you some helpful advice. Social anxiety is tough. I was a very shy and socially anxious person, but I have improved a lot in the last several years. For me, feeling confident in my choices for the future, doing volunteering and other things to help others, and having friends who accept me for who I am has been huge. My boyfriend of 7 months loves me for who I am, and isn't bothered by my OCD (anxiety), which is manageable now.

It's great that you have a friendship group. Talking to strangers actually makes more people nervous than you'd even realise! It helps to remember that being friendly (smiling, etc.) and listening to what others have to say is a great start. Chances are that a stranger you are talking to is a little nervous too. It depends on the situation. It is great when a bubbly, friendly and enthusiastic person drives the conversation and makes you feel welcome and comfortable. I've met people like that - who can make people feel at ease so well.

I'd recommend looking through some threads in the Anxiety section of the forum. Here are a few links to threads relating to social anxiety:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/too-anxious-to-talk-to-people

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/social-anxiety-tips

I hope some of this is helpful! Have a great Christmas and New Year 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[Scotchfinger]

Jack

Hi. So many wise comments in that post of yours. Just one for example "you can't have fear and love in your heart at the same time." Also like the idea of trusting people before they prove your assumption wrong. So much mistrust in the world.

I too have social anxiety. Usually mild and related to public speaking but sometimes severe. Second guessing myself plus second guessing what others say is a bad habit of mine. I can really fall into analytical mode and lose all spontaneity.

[Jacko777]

Thankyou so much Scotchfinger, I appreciate that.

I find it important for me to have a strong belief in my self, for example when I speak in public for Beyond Blue, I know from the bottom of my heart that I share an important message, I share it reasonably well, I'm not too up or down, I have love in my heart and I care about the people I am talking to, I might actually help some one. So I have to judge my self, I will only rely on my own judgement, I certainly gladly take all comments on board...but not to heart.

In the end I always have the sacred breath. At any moment I can focus off a negative and on to my breath, 4 seconds in, 4 seconds out...it has taken practice but I can quickly shift away from anxiety. Keeping love and gratitude in my heart is a practice, it gives me much strength and calmness. If I am starting to feel anxiety I pull my self up and remind my self how lucky I am to be able to share such an important message to such beautiful people. I guess I have a lot of belief in my subject matter.

Talk any time, thanks again!

Jack