Need advice on what to do next

[Vers]

m 19 years old, technically in my second year of uni even though i failed all of first year due to having a panic attack just before my first lot of exams and being unable to leave my room for the next week and a bit and then not being able to go back to uni for second sem without needing to throw up.
and as you could imagine im just over everything. Im sick of waking up sad and im sick of doubting if my friends even want me around and im sick of not being able to even go to the shops without feeling judged for everything about myself.

I've been dealing with anxiety for aslong as i can remeber and was "diagnosed" with "acute anxiety" when i was in year 3 or when i was 9years old. I have always gotten anxious about everything but lately the anxiety has been reaching boiling point and unless im drunk or i just can't stop myself from thinking negatively. Especially when i think about the future. Im always going to be compared to my brother who does engineering and is already heading towards his dream career while im just barely reaching matks that he could get in his sleep. Honestly all im doing is giving him something extra to worry about and putting him at a disadvantage.

I'm sure if anyone actually reads this they will have read hundreds of others just like it and im sorry for wasting your time but i just straight up don't know what to do anymore. Im sick of disappointing everyone and myself but i have no idea what i should do to try and fix this. Any advice on how i can start to overcome this is appreciated..

[blondguy]

Hi Vers

Thankyou for having the courage to post on the forums. You are a proactive person for doing so and good on you! I used to have chronic anxiety for a long time and its an awful place to be in Vers. I feel your pain

You have written a valuable post especially at 19. That takes serious strength.

I refused all medical/counseling when I was 23 and it just made my anxiety worse even though I was trying to self heal using natural remedies which never worked (for me)

You are not on your own here Vers....in any way shape or form. You are a part of the forum family

I have learned that the earlier the help from our GP the better our recovery is from this horrible disorder

Your brother sounds like he is doing well with his engineering.....and good on him.

You are also doing the best you can at this time. Any comparison is a waste. Can I ask you Vers if you have a GP that you can see? Having a good 'vent' to a GP can be wonderful. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by doing so

If you have any questions the forums are a rock solid safe and non judgemental place for you to post!

There are also many gentle people that can be here for you too Vers

You are an amazing person and well done for posting on the forums

My Kind thoughts

Paul

[White_Rose]

Dear Vers

Welcome to Beyond Blue. Being constantly anxious is not good at all. You have reached out here for help and that is a huge step for many people.

You have been struggling with this for many years and I wonder if you have any medical help with this. Have you talked to your GP about it recently? It is sad that you were unable to attend your first year at uni without your anxiety getting in the way. If you have not spoken to your GP would you make an appointment soon please. I am also wondering if you have been prescribed any medication. I imagine that like most of us you are not keen on taking meds. On the other hand if it helps you manage your anxiety and live a more stress free life it may be worthwhile.

I am a bit confused about the role your brother has in your life. You said, Honestly all im doing is giving him something extra to worry about and putting him at a disadvantage. Not sure what you mean by this. Can you explain a little more. It's good your brother is managing well at uni but comparing yourself to him is not helping you. Well, comparing yourself to anyone is not helpful to you.

Many people write in to this forum and ask for support with their particular difficulties but it does not mean yours are not worthwhile. Thank you for trusting us with your story. You are most certainly not wasting anyone's time. This forum was set up to help those struggling with anxiety and depression so please continue to write in here.

May I ask what you are studying? I realise you have not gone far with your course and I wonder if you are happy studying this subject. Sometimes what looks like a good idea turns out to be not what you first imagined. My granddaughter started uni last year but withdrew as it was not what she expected.

Have you talked to one of the uni counsellors? They are in a good position to help as they are on campus and understand how students can struggle at times. As a first step would you go and see one of the counsellors. What about your lecturers or tutors. Would one of them be good to talk to? I presume you had to talk to someone about your first semester results.

As a start would you see both your GP and a uni counsellor. If your GP suggestions meds to help you, ask whatever you want to know about how they work. Always good to know how medication can help.

I would love to continue to talk to you so please write in again.

Mary