My whole character changed after one bad day.

[JMS_Art]

Hey all. This is first time posting here and I didn't really know what category it would be under so I'm just gonna post in here. First a brief description of myself, I'm a male, 21 and currently studying illustration with a casual job in security.

After year 12 I stayed in touch with my main two friends. We got together on new years and decided that we should celebrate by getting drunk and stealing garden lights. Stupid idea I know but we did it. We're about 4 houses in and where about to take another garden light when we hear a loud angry voice yell out some strong profanity at us. We run as fast as we can and hear the guy chasing us. The guy even has his dogs with him. Me and one of my friends hide behind a bush while the other just wont stop running. The dog finds us and chases us further. Its at this point I'm exhausted and I had a thought. I figured If I just stopped and got caught by this guy he'd stop chasing my friends and they'd get home to safety. I don't know what made me think of that in the heat of the moment but I stopped and immediately was grabbed by this guy. I cant see him clearly since its night but as soon as I turn around he starts hitting me in the head and then hitting me while I'm on the ground. He grabs me in a choke hold and drags me to his house. He attempts to call his friends to all come bash me but they were all busy luckily. The whole time he was telling me how my friends left me for dead. Then my friends came back. I was so grateful. He yelled at all of us and after a while told us to leave.

I never pressed charges or told the police because in my mind it was over. I felt different though. I felt powerless and weak. Being confident is no longer something I do. You can imagine how this affected my job as a security guard.

There've been many times where I feel like I'm getting better but something just sets me off. The main one however was a few months ago when I bought a house and let these same friends rent there. I took one of them out of a complete dump and gave him EXTREME mates rates. I had one rule and that was to not do drugs in the house. I knew my friends smoked weed. I never have and never will. Its good for a month then they start ignoring my wishes and do whatever they want. Weed and Ecstasy and when I question them they get angry. They told me and my mum to f off. I kicked them all out of the house and my life. I was betrayed by the people I trusted most and now its impossible for me to believe in people.

[kanga_brumby]

Jms_art my friend you have learnt a hard life lesson. Most people who do drugs especially young "friends" don't care. Because your a "mate"you wont dob us in. We wont have to pay you rent or bills, because we wont to party. You defiantly don't need them in your life. The best thing is now if you still have the house, and a little money is rel estate agent rent it out through them. There is more protection that way plus landlord insurance. to protect yourself against the tenant not paying rent, damage to the building, plus any rubbish they leave behind. When you know how much all your outgoings are. Then you decide what the rent is covering your outgoings and a small profit for yourself. Making sure you can do maintenance to the building, painting etc. If the tenant wants a new oven, air conditioner, ask them to wait a bit. Then they will get it providing they sign a new lease with the new lease it is a higher rent to cover the loan you took to buy them. You get a house upgrade at there expense. Thats how most good landlords work.

Kanga

[Starwolf]

Hi JMS_Art, welcome to the forums.

I'm sorry a youthful mistake and what started as a prank backfired so badly. Well done for kicking those so-called friends out of your life. You deserve better then them. If we learn from our mistakes, then something positive comes out of them.

The problem is that it has taken a toll on your well being and confidence. You say it is affecting your job so there's an issue which requires your attention. Kudos to you for courageously acknowledging there's something wrong. Traumatic experiences leave deep emotional scars. What you went through must have been terrifying, particularly because you were very young at the time.

When negative patterns become entrenched in the brain, reconfiguration work becomes necessary. Booking a long GP appointment would be a wise start. You may need to go on a mental health plan including subsidized counseling sessions to help you function better in everyday life and reclaim self-confidence. I have done a lot of security work myself (as a dog handler) so I am well aware the job requires good mental/emotional balance.

So please take good care of yourself. Struggling alone is too difficult, it leads nowhere. It is also unnecessary. No need to feel embarrassed about the way trauma is affecting your life. It causes mental/emotional conditions which are medical conditions. They need to be regarded and treated as such. Nothing to do with weakness or a flawed personality. The mind depends on good functioning of the brain and the brain is just another body part. Trauma can easily send its mechanism out of whack.

There are lots of people around the forums who are/have been affected by traumatic experiences. You are not alone...just take a look at the PTSD section. Lots of people will understand what you are up against and can offer unwavering support whenever needed.

Kindest thoughts.