My story

[Emm11]

When I was 10 I was molested by my step father for about a year. He lead me to believe that it was normal for a fatherly figure to do. I was scared and he must've been able to tell that I was scared.  My mum had no idea because he told me "It was our little secret" When I started getting really uncomfortable and scared I pretended I was asleep just so he would go away. And then slowly it just fizzled out. At 16 I started taking risks that i never realised I was doing until after. Slowly, it got worse to the point of planning my death. I messaged a friend at the time how I couldn't do it anymore and that I felt so alone. They freaked out and told their mum who then called mine. After a few hours of screaming and crying she took me to the hospital where I stayed for a while. It took a few months until I opened up to a psychologist about my step dad. She figured out that what triggers my anxiety attacks were linked to it. So, I confronted my step father about it who apologised profusely. I told him that I had forgiven him but I wanted him to tell mum. Under the assumption that he had told her, we continued to my normal psychiatrist appointment the next day. Mum was acting strange so I asked her what my step dad had told her last night. She replied with "You accused him of sexually touching you but he said he never even did!" She didn't believe me and my step dad denied it. My entire family thought I was crazy. I couch surfed for 3 months, moved into a youth organisation, moved back to mums and now I am at my biological dads. I am now 18 and I have my good days and my bad days. Recently, its has been more bad than good. I feel like I am getting worse. Which has drove me to this...

[Jacko777]

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums Emm11. Oh I am so sorry to hear what has happened to you, it's not your fault obviously. It must be very upsetting and challenging for you when your family doesn't believe you and I presume this is something you want to change? Perhaps your mother needs to chat with your psychiatrist?

Are you still getting treatment? It can take time and work but I think you can keep coming closer to happiness and calmness with regular professional support. Do ring the Beyond Blue phone service if you are feeling low or stuck, they can help you with this and it's free and 24/7. It is amazing that you have forgiven your step father, you are brave and smart, forgiving will conserve your energy. Try and focus on what makes the good days good, what tips and actions you have learnt that make you feel better, push really hard to focus on the things that work, that make you happy, like a meditation whenever you become aware that you are feeling low, find the positive. The more you practice this the more it will become easier and natural.

I hope you can make a plan to move forward, with your mental health and with your desire to reunite with your family and I hope you can learn to trust again, not many men are like your step father, don't let this experience define who you are. I send you much love, I hope you will ring Beyond Blue and I will be right here when you want to talk again and I am sure others will join in with advice, support and love. xxx

Jack

[Fairywings]

Hi sweety so brave of you to tell a story that has haunted you for many years but you are survivor and the fact that you r on this page believe me you will inspire many others to come forward.  It takes alot of strength and bavery to overcome what you have and im so proud of you. I understand how not being believed by ur mother someone whom u thought u could always trust and ur step father denied ever hurting u in this way has emotionally destroyed you but the fact that you were able to forgive him means now u can focus on you and getting yourself better because you are the only one that's important here alongside ur metal health.  Im so sorry you have had to endure this at such a very young age and so innocent and vulnerable and its very unfortunate but let me tell you that with time and you r still so young u will become such a strong women because u just have to keep reminding yourself that u and u alone survived this very traumatic ordeal. I have had similar experiences so i understand exactly where are coming from.  We are all her for you every step of the way.  Just remember how far you have come and believe in yourself and tell urself every day that u can keep going because you have your whole future ahead of you. I hope this has helped 😊😊