My story (depression & anxiety)

[Dori]

Well it's been now 3yrs and

I've had some family issues and with school 1st year if year 7 I already started self harming and got suicide thoughts I didn't want to be here I was bullied at school and at home but it all got worse When I was in year 8  and I was told my horse had to be out down it was heartbreaking but I knew she was very sick and she didn't need to be in pain any longer so that week she was put down and it still hurts thinking about it. Anyways my 2nd week of school I seen my foal died and that took so time for me to think that he was gone. Later into the 1st term things started to get bad at home I was starting to feel very bad about myself I was always being put down at home i was always told I was: lazy, attention seeker, idiot, fat, cow, and many more my self esteem was low and I didn't know what to think of myself all my thoughts were always negative I than knew I had depression, I started having troubles at school my behaviour was getting bad, I starting picking wrong choices I knew I was bad with stress, I always worry and stress about everything I do which didn't help me I started getting panic attacks at school in class I had trouble breathing, i was sweating a lot it scared me many times. Term 2 of school than things got worse at school and home i was getting cyber bullied, girls were spreading rumours and taking all my friends and telling them all kinds of things, things between me and my mum got worse I started smoking I couldn't handle my stress anymore I needed something to help me cope everyday, then i was caught I lost all my trust with my mum, things got even harder I couldn't talk to her, she would hurt me if I did something wrong I always felt not good enough or hopeless I didn't feel safe at home or at school I didn't know what to do i was lost and afraid of life. But I had this friend (adult) I talked to her all the time she kept me going, she kept me thinking there's things ahead of me then I knew self harming and suicide and not an answer but I still smoke, don't know why the girls still spread rumours i am having troubles with boys they tend to use me all the time and break my heart I'm not even half way through year 8 and it's been really tough I've had rumours going around other schools I cried a lot at school at home but I always tried to find a time to smile because i knew one day things could be better just not yet but try think.

[Neil_1]

Hello Dori

May I give you a warm welcome to Beyond Blue and can I also say "Well done" to you for coming here and providing your post.  On this site, you will find a lot of really caring people, who have nothing but compassion for everyone and above all else, we support everybody as well.  And Dori, you sound like you need some shoulders to lean on.

I was so sorry to hear about your horse and also with your foal.  😞

I've just got back home from getting my daughter from school - she like you is in Year 8 also.  And amazingly we were talking about something and she said, "Oh no, I don't listen to them anymore - they talk just rubbish all the time".  She was referring to the other kids around here, either picking on other kids or talking behind the backs of others and she's just sick of it.

So unfortunately that's how a lot of kids are around those ages - but I guess it even continues as we get older as well - not that you really wanted to hear that.

Can I please ask, what do you exactly mean when you said that your mum would hurt you?  I'm hoping not physically??

I do hope that you're still able to see this adult friend of yours.  She sounds like a shining light for you and Dori, do listen to her, because she's telling you positive and real things.  She is so right, that things WILL get better.  At the moment, you probably don't believe this because things are really tough for you - but believe me, it won't always be like this.  And she's also right - self-harming and worse thoughts are NOT good, not healthy - well, neither is smoking, but let's work on one thing at a time hey?

Again thank you so much for coming here and I really hope that you can reply back to this.  I do hope that some of what I've written for you was helpful.

Kind regards

Neil

[Neil_1]

Hi Dori

Just a real quick message to say that I have written to you - it's still in the system somewhere, so hang on and keep checking, cause it'll appear for you, hopefully very soon.

Take care

Neil

[Neil_1]

Hi Dori

Just a quick message to say "Hi and I hope that your week at school went along as well as you would have liked".

I do hope that you came back to read my above post to you.

Kind regards

Neil