My mum is not understanding and school is terrifying

[Blueblubber35]

My mum knows that I experience depression and anxiety, yet she is not understanding. When I told her I broke down, she said to not let it affect your grades,and think positively. It's actually quite demeaning and the opposite of being helpful. I don't feel comfortable talking to my mum when I am at my worst. 

School does have its positives, but when i get lots of questions wrong, I feel a lump in my throat, like I'm about to cry, but what usually happens is that it stays there for a while, and makes feel short of breath. Does anyone else experience this? 

[blondguy]

Hey Blu

I am sorry your mum doesnt seem to 'get it' That can be an awful feeling to have especially when she is aware of your anxiety/depression.

Yes Blu..I did at school as well and it feels dreadful. If I may ask you.....do you have a family GP that you can talk to? Or even a school counsellor?

There are many wonderful people on here that can help you Blu...How long have you had your depression/anxiety for?

It would be good if you wish to get back to us Blu

Paul

[Neil_1]

Hi there B.B.

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you so much for being able to come here and provide your post.

Going through school and trying to sort things out with so many things can really provide some issues and the fact that you are experiencing depression and anxiety as well are certainly things that can add to how everything is seeming for you.

For you to write that you experience depression and anxiety, I’m assuming that you’ve been to a GP and had a mental health assessment done, in that, you’ve been diagnosed?  It’s sad to hear that your Mum doesn’t sound like she’s being overly helpful or supportive of you at this time and I just wonder, that maybe if you could get back to your GP and possibly take your Mum along (if you felt comfortable doing this).  That way the GP could explain to her about what you’re experiencing and with this, if it comes from a professional, then this could go a long way to getting her to understand a little.

Stemming from this, the GP may be able to suggest different helping/supporting mechanisms that you could put into place to assist you – and by your Mum also hearing these, this could get her attention more for what you’re having to cope with?

I was really pleased to hear that you did say that school does have its positives.  Are you able to list those out – you don’t have to do this here, if you don’t wish too, but to write them down and see if you can expand on them even a little bit.  That’s a good thing to help reduce some unwanted negative feelings and to promote the good things.

Also with the getting of questions wrong, I’m assuming that these would be written tests, yes?   We’ve all been through this at one time or another, and the thing I’ve learnt as I’ve gone on in life, is to try to sit down with whoever is posing the questions afterwards to then try and work through what the answers were and how they got to that answer?  

There’s a quote I’ve read before, “If we don’t make mistakes, we don’t learn”.

Would love to hear back from you.

Neil

[blondguy]

Hi Blue

Paul here....I just thought I would see how you are going?

I do hope you are doing okay.Some really good help from Tony on here Blue

Neil, Thankyou for articulating your comments so well (as usual:-)

If you can let us know how you are going Blue

Paul

[Blueblubber35]

My anxiety was quite recent, so about 10 weeks, my depression is about 9 months. I do have a psychologist that I go to fortnightly.

[Blueblubber35]

My mum also experiences depression and anxiety, but it seems strange that she does not know how to behave when I am at my worst. 

I will keep in mind about mentioning my mum when I next go to my psychologist. I will tell you how it went. Thank you so much.

[blondguy]

Hi Blue

Thanks for posting back. Excellent to have your psychologist and a fortnightly visit too! Well done blue.

Sorry that your mum has little empathy for your condition especially when has the same dreadful feelings. Great idea to mention that to your doc as well!

Kind Thoughts for You

Paul

[pipsy]

Hi Blue.  My name is Lynda.  I really feel for you, I did terrible at school and all I ever got from parents was, put your best foot forward.  Never understood what that meant as I was too young and couldn't ask without appearing dumber than I thought I was.  Quite often with parents, they know what to do for themselves, but when it comes to their offspring, they're at a lost because they can't 'feel' what you feel.  Because there's no outward sign that something's not right, it's hard for parents to know what to say.  Have you tried ringing kids helpline to discuss how you're feeling.  You wouldn't have to leave the house, you can give any name you like (providing you remember what name you give).  That's not a put down, I had trouble for a long time remembering the name I used for these forums.  Sometimes kids helpline gives useful guidelines on how to talk to parents when kids are at a loss.  When you're asked something at school, you said you get uptight if it's the wrong answer.  I think that could be, because you don't want to be 'picked on' by other students if the answer is wrong.  A very normal feeling.  No-one likes to be picked on, when you are, it puts you off participating generally.  Have a talk with your psych and Dr about talking to kids helpline between visits to psych and Dr.

Keep in touch, Blue.  We're here also for you.

Lynda.

[smith98]

Hey Blueblubber,

 Good on you for reaching out and posting, to some it may seem small but in reality it is a big step in the right direction so well done!

I am in year 12 at the moment so i too am pretty scared of school at the moment but what keeps me going is a strong support network around me. Now if you don't have that don't worry I didn't start with it. You said you only see you  psychologist once a fortnight? Do you like the one you go to? Because if so maybe try and see them a bit more often until you get over this rough patch. If you don't like who you're seeing however I strongly urge you to find a different one, there are so many out there and getting the right one makes the world of difference.

I know what it's like when you feel like your parents don't understand and it is really important you do what is best for your health. I don't know what school you go to but they might be understanding if you let your school  counsellor know. Personally my schools policy is that mental health comes first (should be the policy of all schools) because while the HSC is important our wellbeing should be our top priority. 

I really hope this helps! Please let me know how you're getting on, hope things are well!

lots of love,

Smith98

[Blueblubber35]

What you have described is what I am experiencing at the moment. That's why I have to act casually about it, otherwise mum will not understand. It is hard to put on the "I'm ok" face.