My Head

[Boogs]

My head just feels like its constantly trying to explode
It feels endless
It feels like Its dying
And I’m trying so hard to fight
and I’m trying so hard too stay awake
That the fight is killing me
Eating me from the inside out
Turning me black
Turning me cold
Making me think and feel things of defiance and resentment
I don’t know why its there
I don’t know how to get rid of it
It’s like a black cloud
Trying to fog my view of what I want
and I can’t see what it is or even how to get it
I can’t even see the light at the end if the tunnel
I’m locked out…


With me I am paper and water
Push even the lightest
Even unintentionally
I drop
I fall
I drown
I hit the bottom and half the time I don’t even know why.
I have thought about going to see someone bout it
But if I can’t even trust the people I have around me, the people that I should trust
If I cant do that how can I or anyone expect me to trust someone trust
How can I tell my life to someone I don’t know

[MsPurple]

Hi Boogs and welcome to the BB forums. We are a confidential community here to support each other. None of us are professionals (except dr kim and the moderators) we are just regular forum users like yourself. We maybe going through a period of stress or have a mental illness. We do our best to support each other but please be mindful to always take professional advice over forum user advice.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I wrote one myself on My Black Dogs. I think it maybe on the BB website somewhere (may have expired). I was proud of it because it helped me put my feelings into words. Helped put imagery of how I was feeling so others who haven't gone through it could have a better understanding. Your piece is really well written and will help others get some perspective.

Hope to see you around the forums and join us in some converstation

MP

[BballJ]

Hi Boogs,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

MsPurple has posted a great reply and just to echo her comments, these forums are a safe non-judgemental place full of people who have or were suffering from a mental illness of some kind so please be sure you can seek advice on these forums and we will try to support you as best we can but ultimately seeking out professional advice is the best for yourself. I am not much into poetry but found yours quite interesting. Are you trying to seek out any professional help at all? I know it can be hard to trust people you do not know but trained professionals like psychologists only have your best interests at heart and can help if given the chance.

Please, continue to write back as much as you wish.

My best for you,

Jay

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Boogs,

Big welcome to the forums and thanks for being here.

I appreciate you sharing with us your thoughts and poem. It sounds like you're in a dark place right now so I'm happy that you reached out.

In your poem you talked about going to see someone about it but having difficulty trusting them. I understand how hard it can be to trust someone that you don't know; especially if you've been betrayed or hurt in the past by people you do know.

One of the reasons it can be easier to trust someone like a therapist is because they're there specifically as a helping relationship, just like a Doctor. Unlike any other relationship (friends, family, partners) it's not equal - so the focus is on you and of course, being a professional means they're legally bound by confidentiality legislation. This means that anything you tell them is confidential except in rare cases like wanting to harm yourself or others.

It can be incredibly hard to open up and share your life with them, but you're not alone in that feeling. The first appointment will be about getting to know you; and taking things step-by-step. There's no pressure for you to open up or share things you don't want to, and the therapist will learn about you over time. If you're overwhelmed, they can help you figure out where to start.

I hope that this can help ease some of the concerns you have. Feel free to ask questions or post again if you like.