My feelings are affecting my relationships

[T_h]

I had a lovely weekend. Had an apartment on the beach with some friends and surrounded by family. The first day was great, in fact it was the best day I've had in about 2 months. I didn't cry at all either. However, by the second day something inside me just flipped. Nothing had really changed, except the way i was feeling mentally. My therapist has been teaching me tactics on how to pull myself out of my sadness if i don't feel i can control myself. But halfway through the day i began to get seriously angry, and upset. I made my way back to the apartment alone. When my mum called, i was short with her and rude. I couldn't control this overwhelming frustration, (This happens often). On top of that, i started getting angry with myself. I was alone, sitting in a dark apartment. All whilst my friends were outside at the beach having fun. And i had chosen it. It was kind of funny actually. It completely represented how i was feeling inside my own head. Like all my friends were outside having fun, and i was wrapped up inside, drowning in my own numbness...Anyways, i knew that choosing to have a break was going to be good for me, but my parents and friends saw it as me being obnoxious...and quite frankly i didn't have the energy to explain that i was trying to distance myself before i broke down. These emotions are effecting my friends AND my family, but its so hard trying to explain why I'm doing the things i do, or why I'm feeling certain ways. I wish they could understand, because i am too lost and tired to try and explain. Does anyone else feel this way?? Sorry for the rant.

[white knight]

Hi again t.h

Glad you are posting these issues you have.

Firstly, please don't compare yourself to others. They aren't you and we are totally different indivuduals. You also have a condition for the doctors and therapists to work out.

I'll give you a bit more reading material. You only need to read the first post of the thread really, there us a message in those first posts.

Google

Topic: depression, a shop on the high seas- beyondblue

Topic: so what are their mental illnesses- beyondblue

Topic: depression, are there any positives- beyondblue

Get the treatment you need, accept the diagnosis and learn to live with it, accept there are good days and bad days and these cycles are usually out if your control so medication can help with this to a great extent.

Get it all in perspective. This could be a growing up stage. Try to work through it. Have faith in yourself.

Tony WK

[geoff]

hi T.h, thanks Tony for those threads.
Sometimes you can put on a safety jacket to prepare yourself for the first day on the beach to try and make sure that you have a good day, but that jacket only lasts one day, so the next day you have no protection to help you, so back comes your fear, depression or social anxiety all in it's full force.
It takes a lot of practice to learn how to pull yourself out of being sad, because if your not familiar with doing this then it won't work, but to try and do it on such a big w/end is too difficult, so you have to teach yourself on a low key event and then practice once again on another low key event until you build yourself up to a w/end like this.
Don't punish yourself it takes a lot to learn because at every event there are different circumstances that could distrupt your training and these are what you have to be prepared for, not that you will know what they are.
An example could be that a w/end has been planned so you are feeling great, but what happens if it pours with rain and thunderstorms all w/end so that different plans have to be made, so these types of disruptions are now what you have to cope with, rather than going back to your bedroom. Geoff.

[white knight]

Hi Geoff,

Your wisdom is so welcome.

I've been concentrating on this topic for some time with friendships...I.e my latest labyrinth thread.

And this is relevant to T.H. our problems build up until we can't see the forest for the trees. T.H gets angry and maybe rude to others but can't focus on the one thing there, its all the issues in ones head that is compounding the stability of the mind. Redult- verbal explosion.

What you elude to with your rain and thunderstorm example is we need to readjust ourselves relevant to the ever changing conditions.

If we are moody one day, happy the next depressed the next and so on, our loved ones need to adjust themselves to us which is not easy.

So if we accept that as depressed people we will have more rainy days than most, then we can say OK, I'm having another bad day, I might feel better tomorrow or tonight.

As friends or a member of family we need to convey this to others and say to them "when you have a bad day I'll be here for you". Because everyone has bad days.

For some reason us humans expect everyday to be a good one. That isn't realistic, maybe hopeful.

We should be realistic, accept days will be not do good as yesterday but great tomorrow.

Sure as seagulls take ya chips the sun will shine again...

Tony WK

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi T.h,

Thanks for posting. Feelings are so complicated aren't they? I have dealt with mental health issues ever since I can remember and I still struggle even now with identifying them and wrapping my head around them. Know that whatever you are feeling, you're not alone in experiencing it. I can guarantee you that.

You said that your therapist gave you ways to pull yourself out of the sadness, can you tell us what they are? Lots of people have lots of different ways for identifying or pulling themselves out of emotions, even if they are hard to identify. I know art can be a really great way to express yourself; maybe journalling or drawing - the good thing about art is that there's no wrong way of doing it! So that might be something to try if you are interested.

Another idea that might be worth considering is to try not to identify and fix the emotions - this is often what all of us want to instinctively do, but it's not always helpful. If you feel angry, be angry. If you feel sad, be sad. Often we try to deny ourselves that right to be angry because it's not what our friends and family are doing, which ends up making things worse. So if you were at the beach again, and you felt angry - maybe you could just allow yourself a few minutes just to be angry. Punch a pillow, jump up and down, kick the sand! There's no rules (as long as you don't hurt yourself or anyone else of course). You may find that it helps a little.