My depression and anxiety is ruining my relationship

[queen___g_]

I have suffered with depression and anxiety since i was 14, i am now 19. 

I am in my first long term, serious relationship, and in the last month my depression has altered me drastically, i am sensitive, moody, disconnected, ( all your usual symptoms of depression ) although, this is the first time in my life that my depression is impacting someone else....

my wonderful boyfriend.

who doesn't quite seem to understand mental illnesses, and that as much as he hates the way i behave, - i hate it 100 times more. As much as he hates how upset and moody i am, i hate being upset and moody.

i love him so much.. but being in a relationship with depression is by far the hardest thing i have ever had to do.

[mel22]

Hi queen___g_!

I am a similar age to you and in a relationship as well. Sometimes I have episodes of extreme sadness or stress and they have started to become quite a bit more frequent. My boyfriend helps me with this, but also tends to freak out and recently he has become really angry with me because I refuse to go and see a doctor. This will be the closest thing I am doing to 'going and seeing someone', which is quite what I prefer. Normally when I get really sad or anxious I do a little exercise, drink a massive glass of water, then have a shower. I know it isn't much to begin with, but I find it really helps. Please don't forget how important you are and how much you mean to the people around you. I know it's easy to decide that you don't want to talk to anyone and this is why you disconnect, but think about the life you have ahead of you and the reasons why you should be happy. Not only should you try for your boyfriend and family, but you should try for yourself.

I know sometimes it feels like the worst thing that you are in a relationship because it can be hard to balance alone time with time you spend with him, also you don't want to keep dragging him down with your problems. But I assure you he is there to help, and with help of friends and family and with incredible support systems like these you will be able to push through it and reach the happy life you deserve!

Stay strong

[_NaturalTalent_]

Bravo Mel,

That is using experience for the greater good!

Now...

Can you take a little of your own advice?

Both of you need to stop being so hard on yourselves and find what makes you happy.

And if your boyfriends are taking your behaviours out on you instead of trying to support you there's something wrong there... Just make sure you apologise for your mood swings after when you recognise them, don't let pride get the better of you, its not admitting "he's right" its saying "I had a moment I didn't mean it" and it goes a lot further than you girls recognise 😉

In saying that, the relationship is was just in, I took everything and wore everything for more than a year with no apologies, but i still ended up as the bad guy... So not everyone is who you think they are.

[Narniakid]

Hey queen___g_, welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing with us.

Like you, I am in a long term relationship and I have suffered with depression and anxiety for about 6 years now. The best thing you can do in terms of not letting it affect him is to make sure that you take the time out and the space you need when you're feeling down - often, people make the mistake of thinking that being around their loved one will fix the slump of depression, and while a solid support network is vital in recovery, it can sometimes take a turn for the worse and make THEM feel depressed as well. If you've had a rough day or you're not feeling too good, recognise those triggers and use a list of distractions and techniques - these can include perhaps watching your favourite show on TV, getting your feelings on paper through writing and art, or reading a book with a cup of tea. Fall back on the things that relax you and help you cope, rather than going to your boyfriend to vent.

Are you seeing a psychologist or councillor? Professional help is something I recommend to everyone, as talk therapy with a specialist is one of the most effective forms of treatment.

Don't forget we are always here to support and listen here on the forums, and have a read of the resources too, as there are some helpful hints regarding coping yourself and for your boyfriend.

Crystal