My anxiety story

[Ajay97]

Hi everyone.

i am new here so I really don't know what to say. But I will tell you my story... For many years now I have suffered from constant nervousness and shyness, something I not long ago found out was a social phobia a form of anxiety. It has stopped me from going out with friends and even family, I don't talk much and this makes me anxious because I feel that people judge me. When people ask me to go and hang out with them at the time I always feel excitement and say yes, but as times gets closer I start feeling really nervous my stomach goes tight, I get really bad headaches, I feel as though I am going to throw up and I just get really exhausted. Because I feel like this I don't go out, which I know is bad I should push myself but I feel at the time if I do I will just puke everywhere! I have told one of my close friends about this and she has been very understanding but there are so many times that you can tell your friends no you can't go, that they will get annoyed and stop asking you to things which is what happens and then I feel left out. I don't want to be that person who says no! I want to be the person who is confident, talkative, creative and bubbly, I want to put smiles on people faces! But I can't because I let anxiety take over me. A question I have is: does anyone else have this problem or am I the only one? Because I sure feel like I'm the only one because everyone around me are so confident and bubbly. And another question for those who have the same problem with anxiety as me is have you overcome you anxiety and if so how?

I have sure learnt one thing from the anxiety I have which is I rely too much on technology to talk for me rather than myself! I want to change that but writing it down is easier than doing it that's why I've joined beyond blue to see how other people are coping.

thanx for reading 🙂

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Ajay97,

There is no right or wrong to how much you immerse yourself in society. It is okay to be the life of the party and it is okay to prefer solitude, and anywhere in between. I think you are setting yourself up for failure if you say you don't want to go to parties and out with friends but also don't want to be left out by not being asked. 

There is lots of literature on this site about anxiety and I think you should read some (if you haven't already) and see if any of the strategies for managing social contact help you. Also, see your GP, talk to him or her about how you are feeling and see what is recommended to you.

A big part of your recovery, my recovery, anyone's recovery is how much responsibility they take for their own behaviour and how much they are willing to do to strive for the change they want. No one else can do it for you, but plenty of us are willing to help.

Kind regards, John.

[Amy_G]

Hi Ajay97, welcome to beyond blue 🙂

I also recently realised that I have social anxiety, after being painfully shy ever since I can remember. And, similar to what you've written here, I've responded to this usually by avoiding social situations that would give me anxiety where possible. This made it extremely difficult for me to make friends when I started uni, so I eventually just gave up. Social anxiety sucks! And you're definitely not alone in it!

I definitely haven't overcome my anxiety but the best way to do so would be, as CrashCoyote said, to go see a GP. They can give you a referral to see a psychologist, who will likely treat you with cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), and the can prescribe medication that helps with the anxiety.

If you don't have a GP there's a list on this website of various GPs, and also psychologists and  psychiatrists etc., who say that they have an interest in mental health. Just go to Get Support > Find a Professional. 

Does seeing a GP sound ok to you? I ask because I know that for me, my social anxiety was something that made it a lot harder to seek help.

In the meantime, something that was recommended to me by a psychologist I saw for shyness once, was breathing exercises, and taking long deep breaths when feeling anxious. I often stop and take deep breaths whenever I feel social anxiety creeping in, it's very useful to me. Another thing you might try is mindfulness - you can get a free app called smiling minds, or go to their website, for free mindfulness exercises. 

Hope this can help, and I'd love to hear back from you 🙂

Amy G

[BenD]

Hi Ajay97,

You are not alone, there are lots of us here (and elsewhere) that have similar experiences that you describe. I think it's very admirable to "want to be the person who is confident, talkative, creative and bubbly, I want to put smiles on people faces".

Especially the last one. I've already got a smile on my face because you were confident enough and talkative enough to create this thread 🙂

Whilst it's hard to realise these things about yourself, you can get better with practice. Everything that CrashCoyote and Amy G have said above is spot on. It took me a while (I'm far from perfect) but going to a GP, doing CBT and practicing mindfulness have all made a big difference.

Here if you need me 🙂

Ben

[Ajay97]

Thankyou CrashCoyote, I have read some of the content on this site, although I do have a fair bit more to read. I have also started talking to my GP about this although I still have to wait about a month to see a psychologist that my GP has referred me too which is why I joined this site. And thankyou for what you have said especially that others are willing to help 🙂 

[Ajay97]

Amy G thankyou for your post, one thing I would like to say is I'm so proud of you for making it into uni 🙂 I am working so hard to get into university, but I'm also anxious of the thought of making new friends. I have spoken to my GP about how I have been feeling and she has been very supportive and has referred me to a psychologist which I still have to wait about a month to see which is why I joined this site. I was a bit anxious about telling my GP at first but once I told my mum how I was feeling I was able to tell my GP. Thankyou for your tips I will definitely try these when I'm feeling anxious 🙂

[Ajay97]

Ben D thankyou for your post 🙂 thankyou for your reassurance of not being alone and I am so glad that I have put a smile on your face it has really made my day 🙂 I have definitely spoken to my GP but still yet to see a psychologist which from your post has made me a little less anxious to see. I also know that I will not be fully perfect as all 3 people who have commented on my post has said but I want to try my best. Thankyou for your kind words Ben D 🙂