Moving schools, mixed feelings

[stormcloud]

Hello. I'm a 15-year-old year 9 student with severe anxiety and depression, currently attending a local high school. I was recently accepted into a selective high school, and on one hand, it's a dream come true, because I've never felt like I was at my level in my current high school, and I can't wait to move.

But on the other hand... I've been here since year 7, and I've made so many wonderful friends. I love them all so, so much and I know I'm going to miss them. I can keep in contact over social media, but I'm still scared.

I have pretty deep trauma related to moving schools; I was being bullied on a daily basis in my first primary school, and the school refused to do anything but blame ME for the bullying, so I had to move. All the while, I was being abused by my dad whenever I had to see him (he and my mum are divorced), right up until I was 9 and he decided to just stop picking me up to go to his house. It made for a lonely and very messed-up childhood.

My second primary school was incredible, and I loved it and made many lovely friends, but they all went to different high schools to me. And, I miss them, because I'm barely in contact with them anymore. It was terrifying and raw and it hurt me deeply, and I'm so scared of that happening again.

I don't want to lose my friends again. I love them all so much and have trouble imagining a life without them. I've been trying to convince myself that they'll be better off without me, because I'm loud and annoying, but I'm still going to miss them sorely. And, in addition, I'll be leaving my favourite teacher behind.

I have a couple old friends in the selective school I'm going to- close friends, too, ones that I've known since I was very small. But I'm still scared. Will I be good enough for my new school? How will I cope without my friends? Will I still see them?

I don't know how to cope with moving again. I'm really scared and my heart hurts knowing that this is my last week of schooling here.

[Forest_Critter]

Hey Stormcloud, welcome to the forum.

First off, I'm sorry for what you've described in your past school-moving experiences. I can share your compassion and sadness leaving friends behind, as well as the confusion and frustration of being rejected and feeling isolated in a new place. I don't know of a surefire way of dealing with a big move, mainly because there's so much 'unknown' about a new school, as they're all so different, but I can hopefully help you focus on how to be more comfortable in the transition.

I'll start with some positives to bare in mind: first off, you're going to a great school as it sounds, and I'm sure you are deserving and should be proud of yourself for being accepted. Second, there are some close friends waiting for you at the new school. I wouldn't be surprised if they make meeting new people much easier, and lessen the burden of making friends quickly.

Third, the reality of making and losing friends is always optimistic. We must always accept that when we move on with life, people go their different ways. The same thing will happen when you graduate highschool and move on to uni, or pursue something else; the outcome of this, still, is that wherever you go, you'll find people who share the same interests as you, and still find friendship. So, even though you are leaving friends behind, as it seems, the prospects of making new friends at school are very good (also: since you're in year 9, they'll likely be more mature than year 7 or below, with less likelihood of bullying and whatnot). From this, it's just something to get used to in knowing people go their different ways, but the nature of going your own way, and following your own interests, will lead you to more friendships.

With settling in at a new school, I recommend establishing habits you enjoy. If you're a soccer-player, join a team; if you're a gamer, keep aside time to play; if you're a musician, source out a band/academy of your style. Having these spaces and habits which you truly enjoy are always useful in coping with the tough days.

Overall it sounds as though you're a very compassionate and caring person. If you're still worried at times about the move, hopefully this short summary helps: that you've got friends to see at this new school, you can be proud to have been accepted, and even if you have a tough day, you can settle back into the things you enjoy.

If you'd like to share more I'd love to hear it. Otherwise all the best Stormcloud.

- FC

[stormcloud]

Thank you so, so much for the advice. I appreciate you caring so much c:

I should look at this as a new beginning, right? Thank you again.

[Forest_Critter]

Definitely a new beginning. I'm sure it won't turn out as bad as you think, and that overall, it won't feel much different from started a new year at your current school.

(From what I remember, a new year even at the same school always has a lot of shuffling around and new feelings about what you're doing. I don't think a new school will be very different from this.)