Moving houses - grieving my current home

[dino5]

Hi guys, I’m 22 years old. On Thursday night, me and my family were told that our house (that we rent) was going to be sold and auctioned off. Although the landlord has given us 3 months to prepare to move, we’ve managed to find a place on Saturday and are moving immediately on Wednesday. Even though it’s good we found a place so quickly, I’ve been grieving the thought of abandoning my current home and the memories (both good and bad) created in it.

I’ve been crying non-stop last night. I worried about how we’re going to fit the stuff that we need in our new home. My dad reassured me that we will work out how to fit our stuff in the house and told me to not stress out too much but I can’t help it. I’ve been in my home for 10 years (since I was 13). This has been the longest I’ve stayed at a home since my previous one which lasted about 7 years. I’ll miss everything. The physical things such as having a front and back yard with actual grass and space, the rooms, how I’ve decorated my own space, the street…; and the sentimental things such as the moments created.

As a result, I’ve contemplated saving up for a home loan so that we don’t have to experience these things in the future. This has only resulted in me grieving the house more as home loans are difficult to get, saving up takes a lot of time and sacrifices, and buying a proper house which is 100K-700K is virtually impossible (especially where I live). I feel jaded and at a loss of what to do. I still have many things to do unrelated to housing but now I can’t stop worrying about this.

I’ve barely made any progress in cleaning out + packing up my stuff since the news. I know it’s for the better but I can’t let go of it.

[Croix]

Dear Dino5~

Welcome here to the Forum, a place where many have been though hard times and want to help as a result.

I'm not surprised you are upset, leaving your home after living there during you younger and most impressionable years is no small thing. At the moment it probably seems all bad, a smaller place, no yards, and leaving behind all the day to day things and maybe even friends you are used to.

Do you have to move far?

I guess there are two things to remind you of, firstly the new place may have it's own advantages and most importantly secondly you have dad to lean on who is confident it will all work out.

I'd suggest that trying to buy a house at the moment is not really practical unless you have excellent jobs, and even then there are pitfalls.

I moved around a lot as my father's job meant he went from one area to another every few years. Looking back there are only a couple of places I remember properly, and they were the ones I was happiest in, the rest have sort of faded away.

I don't realy miss those places I was happy, I simply get pleasure from remembering how they were and what I did there. I think the best one of the lot was in a seaside town in North Wales and there is was a combination of my gran's cooking and being snug in bed with gales outside.

Do you have anyone to give you a hand packing your own stuff? Also any ideas yet on how you will decorate your new space?

Croix

[dino5]

Hi Croix, thanks for replying!

Luckily, the new house will still be within the same area as my current home and will be more convenient to public transport and shopping districts. I will definitely still have the same friends (although it will be more of a distance to travel to their houses) and routines, just in a different house. That’s something to look forward to. Our new house will also be more better functionality wise.

I’ve been thinking about purchasing a house specifically for my parents. I want them to enjoy their home without the stress of being evicted if a landlord finds a better opportunity for the house. However, it’d be very difficult to find a suitable family home which isn’t an apartment or unit and is below $1M. I don’t mind renting for myself as I have multiple things I want to do in my lifetime and, despite me getting attached easily to places, don’t really see myself staying in one spot for the rest of my life. I just worry for my parents even though they seem to adapt to these circumstances better than me. I want my parents to rest without sending them to a retirement home. My brother has even stressed about purchasing a home even though he’s only 19 and is currently pursuing tertiary education.

You’re correct in that renting is more practical, especially since I have yet to start a career. I also want to enjoy my life, have hobbies and socialise which saving up for and paying off a mortgage wouldn’t really allow. If it weren’t for this, I would’ve focused on achieving my intended goals this year which isn’t related to housing.

Thank you for sharing your personal experience. Your experience helped me to reflect on my previous childhood homes. I don’t exactly miss my childhood homes but I do remember the fond memories created in them. Maybe it’ll be the same for my current home. In terms of packing and moving stuff, my family offered to help clean out my stuff and pack them away. It’s been a struggle for me. Even just removing my posters is already exhausting mentally. I do have some ideas on how I will decorate my new room as it’ll be a little more bigger than my current room. Once again, thank you for replying to this post 🙂

Dino5

[Croix]

Dear Dino5~

You sound a little happier about the move and are starting to talk about advantages -same friends and the other things you do. Does you brother feel the same way?

You may be underestimating you parents flexibility, the may well be able to handle moving now and again. To lock yourself into a mortgage obligation is -as you say - a very limiting thing, and if circumstances change may become not be affordable.

Yes you do need to explore, to find out more about the world, your likes, dislikes and abilities. It is not impossible in time you may have a family of your own and need to find housing. 

Most houses are simply here to be lived in, it is the experience you have that makes them a home and remain in the mind.

Croix

[dino5]

Hi Croix!

Sorry about the late reply! I’ve been settling into my new and current home as well as dealing with other life changes. 

During the past 2-3 months, I’ve been warming up to my new home. Me, my brother and my family have been much happier with the benefits and location of the new house. Although it still doesn’t feel like home just yet, I’m already feeling much better in contrast to when I was in the process of moving.

I’ve been reflecting a lot on purchasing a house. I’ve decided that it isn’t gonna be my main goal as of yet. Although I still have thoughts on it, my focus has naturally shifted onto other achievable goals (such as my original goals of getting dental work & finding a full time job). That will come later into the future, not now.

Thank you so much for getting back again! It means a lot, truly. 🙂 

Dino5

[Croix]

Dear Dino5~

I'm realy pleased to hear from you, and no need to apologize, you write when you think the time is right, that's fine.

Your new house does have a lot of advantages and you are starting to reap the benefits. OK, at this stage it have not really settled down to feel you home, however with your family there I'm sure it will not be long.

I think you are very wise to concentrate on the attainable at the moment, while owning your own house is a pleasant thought having good teeth is much more immediate and can make a big difference to your life. I was born in an area where there was no chemical preventative in the water supply  and as a result have been plagued by dental problems all of my life.

Of course a full time job would be great, not only financially, but also I've found to give purpose, structure and self-esteem -and hopefully satisfaction. I wish you success in finding something soon

Croix

[dino5]

Thank you so much Croix! I wish you all the best in whatever you're doing at the moment as well 🙂

Dino5