Mixed-state, anxiety, and being motivated.

[Barniie]

Hi all, 

I was diagnosed with mixed-stated depression anxiety a few months ago, meaning I have symptoms of mania and depression at the same time or rapidly interchanging. On top of/included in this is severe anxiety and panic attacks. I feel like I can't do anything, all I think about are my ex-boyfriend who really wronged me, I focus on how they are moving on with their lives and I lost what I put so much effort into (our relationship/their families and I was denied any benefit or love in return. I get very stressed and worked up, extremely emotional and angry, causing migraines.

I've also moved across the country, and basically had my whole life turned upside down.

The current medications I'm on are definitely not as good as what I used to be on, so I feel this has exacerbated the situation, but I can't attend my GP for another few weeks.

I'm having trouble staying motivated. I am so depressed I can't be bothered to/come up with things to do and when I do (or even if I don't) I get so agitated and anxious about it. I've started to associate these feelings with the people I'm with when they happen and thus am becoming scared to hang out with these people.

I want my old life back and can't make myself move on, and I don't see any point in all this if I'm going to be so miserable all the time. I'm exhausted of it - it feels like I'm living in a horror movie where I just watch everybody else move on and that's all there is to do. Even last night at New Year Eve was awful, knowing where my ex-boyfriends were and how much pain they have caused me and how terrible 2015 was to me. I lost a lot.

Even though I am only 18 it feels like my life is on a fast track to nowhere - I'm terrified of getting older and my brain is so muddled I can't think straight about the future.

All my friends are becoming irritated by me and saying that they can't help and it's all in my mindset etc. and that i'll have to change my own situation. But I need people to help me because I don't know what to do.

Has anybody gotten themselves out of a situation like this? Is moving cities a viable option, to start afresh? Or would I just alienate myself more? What helped you break out of feeling like you are stuck in a horrible place.

Thanks in advance.

[geoff]

dear Barniie, hi and thanks for coming to the site.

By moving cities, states or even countries could help, but to me it's just passing on your problems and lugging them onto another state/city, because before this could be successful you have to overcome the demons that are haunting you, because depression will go anywhere it needs to be, and as you have said ' had my whole life turned upside down' by moving countries.

It does seem as though your medication is not working and it needs to be reviewed either by waiting until your doctor returns or by going to another doctor and getting their advice, because you are 'struggling to keep your head above water'.

All your boyfriends have given you some grief one way or another, so do you think it's time to push them all aside and try once again, because these b/friends aren't going to rush back to you, which I somehow feel as though you know this, and what they have done is to give you or contribute towards your depression, so can we call them toxic people, sorry.

OK you're only 18 which should be a lovely age to live, but it's not for you at the moment, because you can't forgive what they have done to you or you can't move on, and I'm very sorry for saying this, but we want you to get better.

I would like you to ring the BB phone which is at the top of this page and ask them to convince you that you can't wait for a few weeks before you see your doctor, and by doing this your medication will be reviewed so that a balance within you can begin.

When you see your doctor ask him/her about the 'mental health plan' which entitles you to 10 free visits to see a psychologist who would be able to help you work through these issues that are annoying you. Geoff. x

[Zeal]

Hi Barniie,

Welcome to the forum!

Geoff has given you some great advice. I very much second his opinion that moving cities doesn't necessarily help one to move on, as the underlying emotional problems will still be present. Being near to family and familiar people is usually beneficial, especially for those with mental health conditions. You haven't mentioned your family. Do you see them regularly? Has the move been fairly positive so far? Hopefully you have somewhere secure to live and are near services.

As Geoff has said, moving on from these exes who have mistreated you is best. This way, you can start to repair the emotional damage (hopefully with the help of a GP and/or psychologist), and have time and mental energy to meet new people who will treat you with respect.

At 18 I was confused and overwhelmed by my future. I'm 23 next month, and I have only felt as though my future is starting to look quite good for about the last year or so. At 18, I was overwhelmed by anxiety (OCD) and wasn't taking medication for it. I have a serotonin deficiency, so I am now on SSRI medication. These medications don't stop anxiety, but instead correct the brain chemical imbalance, which means you are better able to cope with the symptoms and can more effectively apply treatment strategies with a psychologist (such as CBT or ACT).

What helped me move forward and start to feel more in control of my life was finding what I am passionate about. After a chronic bout of mental illness in 2012, I realised I wanted to help others who were struggling. So, in 2013, I started studying psychology at university. I only did 2 subjects that year (rather than 8), as I was still very much recovering. In 2014, I switched to full-time study, and I'm completing my third and last year in 2016 🙂

I started volunteering in early 2014, which helped me feel as though I was making a difference in the lives of others (even if in small, subtle ways), and helped me gain confidence and have a sense of purpose. I joined an organisation that provides support to children and young people with disabilities. As a volunteer, you have choice in the role you play, and you should have support and training. They realise that, as a volunteer, you can only donate the time you have available, and that it needs to fit-in with your lifestyle and other commitments.

Definitely give the beyond blue helpline a call (1300 22 4636), as Geoff suggested.

Best wishes,

SM

[Scotchfinger]

Barnie

Your self-talk might be similar to mine. It sounds like there are a lot of "should"s. Perhaps one solution is to be more patient with yourself and current situation. Even "I shouldn't be thinking about him now". The resistance we cause in our minds creates inner conflict. Just being aware of your thoughts without judgement, "oh I'm thinking about that event again". Just let it pass until another thought comes along.

The problem with rumination is that we often say to ourselves "I shouldn't be ruminating now". This just makes it worse.

It's OK to have regrets. Meanwhile slowly and gradually work on creating a new life, so you will slowly and gradually forget the past. Not immediately.

[Barniie]

Hi all,

thank you for the helpful posts. i got in touch with one of my ex's, and turns out my anxiety had a lot of his situation wrong, so I feel a lot more comfortable and glad we are speaking again (I stopped talking to him because i misunderstood the situation). I am also on a coast break and feeling a lot more relaxed. I used to be on SSRI meds and got switched to tricyclic, but i think the SSRI's worked a lot more effectively for me so I'll definitely be seeing my doctor in the near future. All in all I feel a lot more pulled together than I felt yesterday, which is nice. I'e also been discussing my future options with a few different people and have a couple decisions to make, which is scary but exciting.

Thank you so far for the help 🙂