Making Friends :o

[Mate2708]

I am currently 19 and halfway through my second semester, first year at university and i only finished high school last year. Uni generally is going okay, i'm doing alright with workload and stress of assessment and things but my main issue is trying to make friends

My high school was big and i cant say i had many friends but i had about 8 really really good friends in my group, and i knew a fair few others. I would consider myself as a shyish person but once i get to know people i'm quite confident and talkative, especially within my good friends.

However since starting university i'm really struggling to make friends. I'm not the greatest at starting conversations but i have been trying to make a conscious effort to make some sort of connection with people in tutorials or in the cafeteria. I've talked with a few people here and there, including people who I am doing group work with, as it's kind of forced, but they always will go back to their other 'better' friends and never really sit or talk with me if they see me in their free time. It always makes me feel like on the outer.

Also, my uni is kinda far away from where i live and my school was, (although i don't stay on campus i just drive each day, about 1 hour) so it feels like a lot of the people already have friends there from the surrounding schools in that area or they just seem better at it. Obviously i don'y see my good friends from high school as much as they go to different universities and are always busy as it would seem

I know a lot of people suggest clubs and societies but my uni is small and doesn't have a lot of those things and the ones we do have don't interest me that much, as well as the fact i would have to drive a distance just to participate.

I will keep doing what i'm doing, but any guidance would be appreciated

Thanks, Mate

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Mate,

You’re sounding lonely and down to me. I feel the transition from school to uni can sometimes be tough especially in terms of friendships. It must be hard when you were used to seeing your friends 5 days each week to seeing them much more infrequently...

I really admire your attempts to make friends by talking to people at uni. Although I feel it must sting when they then go back to their other friends. Feeling left out is rough...

That being said, even if perhaps your attempts haven’t yet resulted in deep friendships, I like your beautiful attitude and willingness to try and reach out...

I haven’t tried it myself but I’ve heard people on the forums here suggesting the “meetup” app. I don’t know too much about it but basically, the app helps you find a group of people with similar interests to you in a particular area then you arrange an activity to complete together. I was thinking perhaps this is something you might be interested in as a way to make new friends?

Granted, that’s just my gentle suggestion. I get that it may or may not be for you but I figured there’s little harm in sharing it 🙂

Hopefully, and only if you’re feeling up to it, we will hear from you again. But no rush or pressure...just in your own good time.

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[HamSolo01]

Hey there Mate

The transition into uni is probably the hardest part of someone's young adult life. As someone who has gone through that whole phase, took a long time to complete his degree and is now still wondering what the hell to do with his life (lol) I can see exactly where you are coming from.

It does sound like the majority of your current issue stems from the friendships circle of things. I guess I should ask you what you can do to make new friends. I went to a large uni and still faced the same issue in relation to friendships at clubs and groups. I think that proves to be a very simple solution that isn't as practicable for people in most circumstances - often people that live close by and who have a greater presence at the university will tend to be people who are able to be involved and don't need to travel so far.

The best solution to the problem I had in the first few years of my degree (the second one i did, because the first one i did i quit) was to embrace close to everything. Go to as many events or meetings as possible. Get used to introducing yourself (as weird as cringey as it was) and just soak up the experience because that is where we learn the life lessons we need to take onboard.

The fact you are making some sort of effort is AWESOME. DON'T undermine that at all. That's where it starts. Keep it up my friend. 90% of people won't respond to it, but the only way we find the diamonds in the rough is to keep searching. I think it's even harder to do in this day and age because of the increase in social media and online comms (lol irony because this is online) means we struggle to interact face 2 face more as a society.

The forums are here for you to lend an ear when you need it my friend. Keep it up and you will find solutions. You are 19 and figuring out your place in the world and the world is SOO massive that you've only just begun your journey.

Don't lose heart my friend.

Maybe also try meetup.com because that's a really good way of meeting new people in your area wherever you might happen to be.