Making friends...and keeping friends...

[lil_lexi]

Making friends is so hard for me...always has been really. I'm not easy to get along with sometimes. At times its because of my depression- and how I am feeling.

Keeping friends is also hard. I have lost so many friends throughout the years...

Being in Year 9 (I'm 15 yrs old). Its sometimes hard to make friends. Because a lot of people are quite different from me, their interested in different things, their sometimes too judgmental (I'm not saying I'm not judgmental too, but still...) and they care a lot about boys...

I like boys too, but sometimes its all they talk about. It gets annoying, and boring.

I sit with a group of girls at Recess and Lunch, I'm friends with about 3 girls in that group- The group has around 10 people in it- I don't actually know, Its not like I count. But there's a lot of people in this group.

1 of the girls I'm friends with (who sits with this group too) Has been my on-off friend for about 3 years, we're super close, and I love/care about her a lot. She kind of helps me become friends with more of the girls in the group.

Lately, I have been hanging out with my close friend, and 2 other girls...Its really great, and I feel really happy because of them..I feel more apart of the group.

I need to become more social, I am so quiet and shy, I actually hate it. I rarely speak in class, and when I do, its just when people talk to me (I have to be polite, and reply to them..)

Please give me some advice to help me out with being more social, and get out of that whole shy thing...

Also, tell me if you're social at school- or shy and quiet like me...

I would love help, and advice, and also how you got out of being unsocial and shy...

Thank you 🙂

[Zeal]

Hi Lexi,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm a 23 year old female, and I was shy and lacked self-confidence until I was about 19. At your age I also struggled to navigate social groups at school. I only had a few good friends. Luckily I was part of a group about the size of yours when I was in senior school. I also wasn't close to everyone in that group.

The main advice I can give you is to be yourself (cliqued I know), be honest, caring and show interest in what others have to say. I've known people in the past (and now too) that talk a lot about themselves and don't ask how other people are doing. Some people have the opposite problem - they are distant because they don't feel comfortable talking about themselves.

There is nothing wrong with being shy, and it's actually quite normal in adolescence. When shyness starts to negatively impact your personal happiness and friendships, however, this is when it can becoming frustrating. It's great that you do have friends you feel comfortable around at school. Do you see them on weekends?

Like you, I wasn't boy obsessed. To be honest, I didn't start dating guys until after high school. I had my first boyfriend at 21. I have been with my current boyfriend for a year now, and we are really close. Try not to worry if you feel that others are more into the dating scene than you, if this is the case. There's plenty of time left in your teens to meet people, as well as after high school at uni, work and socially.

Post back if you'd like to talk more 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[Kel91]

Hello Lexi

I had a very similar scenario to you in high school. I was shy and one of those 'average kids', but I did have close friends. I too sat in a group of about 10 students yet I was only friends with about 4 of them. It's probably hard to imagine, but most other girls within the school would be going through what you're going through, you just don't see it. High school can be one big popularity contest and you sometimes feel as though you just want to curl up in a ball and hide. I started off sitting with my primary school friends from year 7 to year 9 and then moved to a new group of friends in year 10 after our group split and some girls dropped out of school. Year 10 was great and I grew close to two girls in particular, but there was always a 'leader' and when there are more than three girls you can find yourself playing the 'follow the leader' game. I was never leader material and I too hated the topic of boys. For some reason I just wasn't interested in boys nor was friends with many.

By year 11 I just learned to keep true to myself. Have confidence and be happy. It doesn't matter if you don't have 20 friends, you say you have 2 or three close friends and you are lucky to have them so long as they treat you right. It's always nice to imagine bursting out of your shell and suddenly being popular, but realistically it doesn't matter. I look back now I'm grateful for the friends I had.........did I wish I'd had more? Did I wish I was more popular and more confident? Back then yes I did. I wasn't the only one. But it just simply isn't who I am and I accepted that. As you reach your later years of high school, everyone becomes that little bit more mature and you'll find you will start to develop more friendships as I did. I didn't change who I was and I like to think I treated the friends I had well, therefore keeping them and even going off to uni with them.

I know your parents or other family members have probably tried reassuring you this, but high school can be challenging when it comes to fitting in and making friends, but none of that matters once you graduate. You go onto much bigger adventures and have much more to think about. I look back and laugh at myself 😛

I still have my close friends plus many more from college, work, the gym and simply moving to QLD and meeting new people. It's great and even though it was hard at time, am appreciative of my high school days.

Best wishes
Kel