Hey all, i want to start this off by saying im not suicidal and dont have those types of thoughts.
Over the past few years i have tried tertiary study to try to get stuck into my career, coming out of year 12 my teachers were filling my heads with dream job ideas and planting expectations of a university degree. Everything i have tried over the past few years hasnt stuck with me, i get part of the way through and get the feeling that i dont want to be doing that particular thing for 10 hours a day. I get normal job woes of nobody wants to and that is why it is called work, but it has really struck fear in me, ive become really concealed to myself and cant tell anyone.
I have a hard time admitting that i am struggling to my family members because they have such high expectations of me, but lately i havent had the motivation to do anything, even something as simple as having a shower has become a massive chore for me, as well as eating and sleeping.
I have tried doing career tests and distracting myself with something fun, but things that were fun just sort of make me feel bored and uninterested, i always have a voice in the back of my head telling me im a failure and im never going to get anywhere. I have tried to also get into traineeship positions but because i have no prior professional experience they dont really give me a second look in. I feel like i learn better when i have a mentor, specifically assigned to me, i do not work well in a class environment as i pretend im doing ok when im not most of the time and the teachers cant see that.
I find it really hard to admit that i am struggling because i have lived my whole life with people thinking that i have been ok, that i am some bright student that things just come naturally to, when im not. I like doing things practically and seeing how things work not just being told that is the way it is.
Im just wondering what should i do in my position, it has gotten to the point where i have sealed off my friends, since year 12 i havent really talked to anyone, the only real friends i have are online and i have stopped going outside unless i need to do something. I want to change but i dont know how because this burden of anxiety and depression just feels like it is weighing me down.
