Lonely. Self-Help. Sad. Therapy.

[kingzen69]

Hey y'all,

I'm 23, and I have been lonely and sad for a while now. I live with my mates and their partner, and it sucks most days I just end up being alone. I don't really know anyone in this new city I live in, having been here for nearly two years. All I really know here are my mates, so I kinda just feel like I'm doing stuff solo. Aside from that, it's also just life stuff in general and all the expectations of relationships, careers etc. Being close to 25, I just feel like there's a milestone or something expected of me somewhat. Maybe I'm just overthinking it, I don't know...

It's weird, I never thought I'd be listening to podcasts and audiobooks, and watching videos about self-help and self-development, or even start writing about my day or feelings on a daily journal. But I have been, and I'm trying to work on myself, and sometimes it seems like it's such a slow progression. All the self-help and self-development really does help, and I do recommend it. I realised it's help me with managing my overthinking and feelings of anxiety and stress in my life right now. 

There's a lot I want to let out, because I don't talk about my feelings well. Just to conclude, I'm thinking of starting therapy. It's my first time and I don't know how to approach it. I don't really know what the process is like. I don't know how much I would be spending in sessions and how effective these sessions are. 

If anyone is able to help out, I'm all ears and thank you. For the past couple of years, I've been thinking of going. But I just didn't want my family, and friends to know that I'm doing therapy. I guess I just don't want them to ask questions and treat me or talk to me differently like I'm unwell and stuff. Thanks 🙂

[Croix]

Dear Kingzen69~

Welcome back to the Forum, it does not sound as if the years in between have been very kind to you. back then you were often crying yourself to sleep and now you are still constantly sad.

This is no way to live. I realise you have problems of loneliness and being uncomfortable living with your mates and their partner however 2 years is really more than long enough to take action

I have long term depression which comes in bouts, and could never make myself better, it took outside help. I'm not suggesting you have the same thing, after all I'm not a doctor, however seeing a GP is no big thing and hopefully you will find one that bulk bills. Set out waht you have been feeling and your circumstances and see what is said.

There is a Medicare Mental Health Plan your GP may arrange if it is appropriate, this subsidizes 6 or 10 visits to a psychologist every year, however most psychologists charge well above the subsidized rate, so cost you should definitely discuss in detail with your doctor before going down that path. Some psychologist are very effective, others not a good fit. I believe it is the relationship you establish that is the most important thing.

After such a long period of unhappiness I'd imaging your family and freinds would simply be glad for you if you found a way to make your life better. I overcame my "shame" at being ill and am now comfortable talking about it. Worrying about what others think I found to be a false barrier and made me take too long to seek assistance.

I'm a different person now and enjoy life (well mostly, there are often problems in ordinary life) . This has in turn made me a peron others like to be with, it works well.

There are no expectations or milestones a person has to pass by any age. If there are any they come from inside you, not from others. Having the ambition to be quietly happy most of the time is probably more than enough.

If you would like to come back and say more that would be great

Croix

[therising]

Hi kingzen69

For a non feeling or insensitive person, life can be somewhat straight forward. For a deeply feeling sensitive person who can sense so much, life can be anything but straight forward at times. For the second type of person, I've discovered it becomes about finding the kinds of guides who are going to fast track us toward better understanding how we tick in so many different and incredible ways. Without fast trackers, the path to greater self understanding can definitely feel like a slow and torturous path at times, that's for sure.

As Croix mentions, speaking to your GP could be a good first step when it comes to finding a therapist (fast tracker toward greater self understanding and self development). In regard to people who may judge us in the way of how we choose to come to better know ourself, all I can say is they're missing out. They're missing out on books or literature that can help them, YouTubers, podcasters, guidance counselors and such. Based on you being 'a seeker of knowledge', in 10 years time you will have gained a far greater understanding of how you tick compared to those you know. Depending on your area/s of research, you could ask those you know

• 'Do you know how you work on a mental level? Do you know how your belief systems work, how your thought processing works, how your inner dialogue works etc etc?' Chances are they may say 'No, not really' or 'I don't care about any of that stuff'
• 'Do you know how you work on a physical level? Do you know how your thoughts or your imagination interact with your nervous system? Do you know about the physical and mental side effects of ongoing high levels of cortisol? Do you know what a lack of dopamine feels like and what in life can contribute to a dopamine deficiency?' Chances are they may say 'I have no idea' or 'All that stuff doesn't interest me'
• 'Do you know how you work in natural ways or even in soulful kinds of ways? If you're born with a brilliant and vivid imagination, do you know how to see through it in highly constructive ways? Do you know how to gain a sense of what you need to gain a sense of? For example, do you know how to sense the way forward purely through feeling the best way forward? Do you know how to tap into the intuitive part of you?'. Chances are most may say something along the line of 'All that stuff's a load of rubbish'

And there you will be, having already gained so much knowledge and self understanding. You will be well into the process of mastering your belief systems, your mental processing, your inner dialogue. You will be well into the process of mastering your imagination, your nervous system and your chemistry. You will be well into the process of mastering your ability to see, to feel and to intuitively move through life. In the meantime, others may be left struggling through challenges while asking 'Why am I suffering so much?'.

[taiji123]

Hey mate, you're not alone I can definitely relate to your situation. I think therapy's becoming more acceptable nowadays and I've heard of people who are otherwise mentally well who go just for regular check ups. So I don't think people will be too concerned about you going to therapy if you explain that it's just to receive support on a regular basis.

I've been trying to get into self-help as well after a difficult year mental health wise and have been looking to find people in a similar situation who are interested in supporting each other with health, fitness, career goals etc. I know this forum is anonymous but if you're at all interested in finding support or accountability partner/s let me know.