I was 14, when I started to compare myself to others. I would look at my body and wonder why I couldn't be that thin or that pretty. At the time i thought i was like any normal teen wanting to be better, but it wasn't i was 15 that i realised i let the anxiety and insecurities rule my life.
I remember i was coming up to exams when i had this awful feeling come over me, my heart was racing, i was having hot and cold flushes and having trouble breathing. I had never felt so terrified in my life, the world was spinning and i wasn't able to make sense of anything. My body issues started to get worse as well, i wasn't anorexic but i was starving myself and would never stop moving in fear that i hadn't burned enough calories. I continued to have body issues and anxiety attacks, but it was now starting to take a toll on my daily life. I remember describing this time in my life like drowning, being pulled down and only able to take gasps of breathe. My whole world had turned grey and my mind only filled with clouds of darkness. I was weak and helpless.
I stopped doing my sport, i struggled getting out of bed, i didn't do my homework and even failed a test. I would contemplate is life really worth living and i craved a relief, to stop the pain i was feeling and just to feel the happiness i used to feel. I would also struggle with sleep, unable to to go to go to sleep till 1 or 2 am. I would lie down in bed just thinking of everything i did wrong and stressing about everything i was yet to do. I avoided anything that would bring on stress, hence why i was letting my grades slip. I hadn't told any of my friends or family and i had became detached from my best friends. It created a lot of tension in my house with everything ticking me off and my parents unsure what to do.
Finally, in tears i spoke to my parents and told them i had an anxiety attacks, it was then i was finally able to go seek the right help. They told me to visit the school counsellor and i did. We worked through my feeling and got to know my triggers. I learnt to relax more and how to try sleep quicker. I learned to accept my body and stopped comparing myself, and look at everything as a positive.
Now i am back to usual self and have learnt how to handle anything that may cause me stress. I still have my moments where i excessively worry but I remember now to stay hopeful and remember all the things that brings me happiness. I hope this helps anyone else realise that they are NOT alone ❤️
