Lack of Self Confidence/Self Worth

[LotusRose]

Hello everyone,

This is my first time posting on these forums (or forums of any kind) so I’m still new to this system.

Anyways, I’m a high school student and have been struggling with self confidence and body image for a very long time now. Although lately, it seems it’s all toppling in on me.

I have quite a close knit friend group and can get lonely pretty quickly. It seems all my best friends have got friends that they prefer over me, which I don’t really blame them for, due to me being quite ugly and annoying. One of my closest friends has recently distanced herself from me, and started lying and making excuses to avoid talking to me.

I hate looking in the mirror and seeing myself every morning. On the bright side, I have started a healthy diet and workout routine which makes me feel somewhat better...however, this isn’t a health forum so I will continue.

I feel as though others find me as unattractive as I find myself, and that I will never find love or happiness in the future because of it.

This self-hatred has stopped me from enjoying the things I love to do such as writing, drawing and studying history. Although these things can sometimes make me feel better, the lingering thoughts of my self-hatred always find a way to come back into my mind. Intruding if you will.

I like to think of myself as a positive person with occasional bad days. But recently, my ‘bad days’ have increased drastically. Because of the ridicule and embarrassment I gain due to my looks, I believe I have become a more empathetic person, as I try to relate and show kindness towards others who suffer similar experiences. i truly believe kindness is the most important thing in this world, even if It’s rarely given to me.

I have dreams of traveling the world and writing books, raising a family and finding happiness in love. I feel as though I will never see these dreams come true, and I will always live like this. Hating mirrors and being lonely.

Is there anything I can do to make me love or even tolerate myself more?

I thank anyone who replies to this in advance. - LR

[Peppermintbach]

Hi LR,

What a moving and poignant post. It was so sad yet beautifully written...

It must be deeply painful to feel so much self hatred towards yourself. Looking in the mirror each day and not loving or even liking what you see must be very disheartening. I feel your sadness and feelings of self consciousness and self doubt in your words.

When friends seem to prefer other friends to us, I feel that would really sting. In particular, to have one of your closest friends keep his/her distance from you must really hurt deeply. I wonder if you’ve ever considered asking to talk one-on-one with your closest friend to let him/her know you miss him/her and have a heart to heart (or call it what you will)...just a gentle idea...

You sound like such a sensitive and insightful person. I find it moving that you value kindness so highly, and that you have become a kinder person because of all you’ve been through...that’s beautiful. You have a beautiful heart...really and truly...

I do find it sad that your bad days are starting to increase in number. So I’m extra glad you’re reaching out here.

I was wondering if you’ve heard of the Butterfly Foundation. They are a nationally renowned not-for-profit organisation for body image and eating disorders, which has its own helpline plus other services like support groups, etc. I was thinking you might find them helpful if you look them up online...

Once again, I’m glad you decided to reach out here. If you feel comfortable writing here, it would be great to hear from you again as we would love to continue supporting you. I’ll be thinking of you today and sending kindness...

Caring and warm thoughts,

Pepper

[Peppermintbach]

Hi LR,

I wanted to say hello and let you know that you’re heard and valued here, and that you’re most welcome of course 🙂

Sorry, I wrote a post earlier that I’m hoping that I didn’t accidentally delete. I’ll check again later. If I have accidentally deleted it, I’ll try to remember what I wrote...

Be in touch...

Kind and Caring thoughts.

Pepper

[Elizabeth CP]

Your situation is not uncommon. I'm much older than you but had periods of bullying when at school and had no friends which left me feeling ugly & unworthy. Unfortunately I didn't talk about this at the time so had no help. This has left me vulnerable to low self esteem & feelings of worthlessness particularly when life becomes difficult. I share this to let you know I understand how important it is to deal with these negative feelings.

You mentioned starting a healthy diet & exercise routine. These are both helpful providing you turn your focus on becoming more healthy rather than just changing appearance. Improving appearance is a side benefit which is not guaranteed but becoming stronger & healthier is guaranteed from a healthy diet & appropriate exercise. Exercise also releases endorphins which improve mood. Try to choose exercise which you enjoy & fit into your lifestyle as you are more likely to stick to this & it will have a better effect on mood. I have always enjoyed walking & now in my 60s I still love bushwalking up mountains including overseas.

The thing which helped me when I was a teenager was engaging in activities which interested me rather than trying to fit in with others. I liked maths & science so worked hard in these subjects including reading up on things which interested me out of class. This led to a university course were I made friends with people who had similar interests. You mentioned writing, history & drawing. Keep doing these things.

Are there non academic activities you would like to try. This is the time of your life to try new things & find what you enjoy. Attending groups, clubs or activities allows you to try things & gives you the chance to meet like minded people. It can be scary to start but it is worth it & if you find you don't enjoy it you can change. I am really glad I tried the activities I did because some of them led to long term interests & some good friends.

I have travelled to many places including on my own when a young adult. It was fun. I now have a husband & we have children & grandchildren we love. Feeling unloved & unwanted as a teenager does not mean you can't have a productive happy life later providing you are willing to push yourself to try new things or at least seek help if you can't change on your own.

Good luck

[Doolhof]

Hi LotusRose,

Welcome to the community here. Thanks for sharing your story. I am sure there are many of us here who understand all that you have written and have had similar experiences!

The "world" dictates how people should look on the outside, the thing is, to me the most important part about people is what is in their hearts, minds and souls, not how they look on the outside. To me it is about how people care for each other, not how they try to stomp on them, put them down or control them.

Like Elizabeth has mentioned, you already have some interests to follow, you have thoughts on a healthy diet and exercise, those things are all extremely positive, beneficial and helpful to concentrate on.

You already have empathy for others! To me that is a huge bonus! In my eyes you are a beautiful person worth knowing due to your beliefs and values.

Would you like to share your interests with us? What aspect of history interests you the most? Do you have favourite things to draw? Where does your writing take you? Your post has inspired me to make time for drawing and painting again, so thanks for that. My creativity is very random, I just enjoy the process.

Hope you feel comfortable enough to reply.

Cheers to you from Dools

[taycole]

hello lr

i wanted to say you're not alone i deal with similar issues i went through a pretty bad breakup and i now find my self hating the way i look and never looking at the positive things about myself distancing from my friends thinking they hate me and never talking about the feelings i go through i have anxiety and a low self esteem but I've found that listening to songs about loving yourself makes you slip away from those dreadful feelings and have a genuine moment of happiness just dancing around your room, i do dancing and seeing everyone as skinny and toned as they are doesn't help but then i just think about the things i have like my family and how i would never want to trade mine for theirs i also have a book where I've listed what i can handle and what i can't handle and the things i can handle and the things i can't handle i try to stray away from them (except if its homework) I've listed things i like about myself, reminders about who loves you no matter what you look like, that you are not alone and things will get better and i think it would be helpful to you if you tried these things