It's taking over

[Sam132]

Hi I have been suffering from anxiety for about four years, I have never told or talked to anyone about this and in the past year this anxiety has turned into depression. I used to be a hard working student at school that always tried his best even though I still got bad marks but lately I have started to not care about my school work or what the teacher think about me. during the day my depression seems to go away like I don't get bad thoughts or anything I think this is because I am busy talking to friends but at night when I'm in bed I lay there and cry and think about all the stupid things I've done and said in my life and its near impossible to get asleep. My mum has noticed that my grades have been dropping and she has arranged a meeting with the school counseller to try and figer out what is going on. I think I might tell him about everything I am going though but I don't think I will be able to say one word to him without breaking into tears.

[geoff]

dear Sam, hi and thanks for coming to the site.

I am so sorry that this has begun so early in life, no stage is never any good, but when you are school and eventually finish year 12 then there should be so much enjoyment to look forward to, but when you do have depression your life becomes so cloudy and you aren't able to move on and to embroil all the excitement that a young adult should be looking forward towards.

What is going to happen eventually is that when school finishes is that your depression will take over your life, and all your friends will go their own way and then lose touch with everyone, even though they always say 'we must keep in contact' or I'll give you a ring', which always sounds promising but rarely happens.

One of my best mates at school and who was my best man at our wedding I haven't seen for 20 years ? or so, never the less that is of no concern here for your post.

Please there is no shame if you cry to the counsellor, it only empathises that there is something and that is upsetting you, you have realise that your emotions should never be held back, because when it doesn't then it makes a real friend to a mate or family member to talk to or for yourself to console them, so don't be afraid.

I realise that this maybe difficult if you weren't brought up this way, but it is a true attribute to have.

From what you have written I am scared that you may have trouble in doing this and the reason why is because I'm not sure that your friends know exactly how you feel, because you cry at night, so this is sad, and please remember that these counsellors are there to listen to students who are struggling, they want to help you.

Could I also suggest that your mum takes you to the doctor where additional help will then follow through.

It would be great to know what is happening for you. Geoff.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Sam132,

Thanks for reaching out to BB and sharing what's been going on for you.  It sounds like it's been pretty tough keeping all that anxiety in for 4 years.  That's a pretty long time.

I know when I first got anxiety and depression I was in primary school too - and I kept it to myself a lot because nobody really understood what I was going through.  When I first caught up with the school counsellor I remember that I was trying to be really brave and not cry and then I just cried for ages.  But then I realised that all this crying really needed to come out.   A school counsellor is a pretty good place to start because then they can try and understand what's going on for you and try and make it better.  It's alright to cry too.  It's not weak - in fact it's actually the opposite, because you're so brave to be coming out and dealing with all this anxiety and not letting it bottle up inside you.

Good luck 🙂

[Doolhof]

Hi Sam132,

Congratulations to you for being brave enough to admit that you have a problem that needs addressing and that you need help.

It sounds like your Mum is concerned for you. Are you able to chat with your Mum or dad? Maybe you could write out how you are feeling so they know how to help you more.

Hopefully seeing the counsellor will help you and they can suggest ways for you to cope and get better.

Try not to worry about the tears. I went to see my Dr on Monday. She had to wait a few minutes before I stopped crying so she could understand what I was trying to say to her! She just handed me the tissues and then I started talking to her.

It is also wonderful you have found your way here to Beyond Blue. I hope you feel okay to keep in touch and let us know how you get on.

Take small steps and reach out to those people who are willing to help you!

Hoping it all turns out well for you. Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools or Lauren

[Narniakid]

Hey Sam132 and welcome to the Beyond Blue forums! Well done on sharing your story with us.

I applaud you on recognising your problem and it is wonderful that you have a supportive mother - a solid support network is so important in the steps to recovery. 

Don't be afraid of crying in front of your councellor! I've been seeing mine for 5 years now and I still tear up about things - it doesn't make you vulnerable or weak, not at all, it just shows how much something is affecting you. Open up as much as you can to your councellor - try writing down some notes or dot points about issues concerning you that you'd like to discuss, if you think you might freeze up or become overwhelmed.

I also suggest applying for some special provisions for extra exam/assignment time regarding your academic results, however this usually requires a doctors certificate just to confirm your diagnosis of depression/anxiety. Speak to your school councellor about it. 

Definately consider seeing your GP for some extra treatment, and remember the BB hotline is always avaliable. 

Anxiety thrives on avoidance and negative thoughts are just reactions to fear - don't give up, you won't feel like this forever! 

Crystal