I was diagnosed with depression at 12 and later
diagnosed with anxiety at 16. I am now 21 and have struggled with these for
most of my memory. I'm from NZ.
I met my (aussie) boyfriend while holidaying in Sydney and ended up
staying here to be with him. He also has depression as well as anger
management issues that are becoming increasingly hard for me to deal with
At the moment there is a lot going wrong in both of our
lives. We are really trying to hold each other up and support each other, but
it’s hard when we are both feeling so desolate. I don’t like living in Sydney and want to be closer to my family. His work contract ended a month ago and he
hasn’t had the energy to job hunt. Because of thi, he is moving out of his
apartment and in with me as I can no longer afford both the rents on my
receptionist salary. I don’t want this. I detest my job and want
something less stressful. His Pop died which has sent him spiralling
down. His family are having severe issues and we are both struggling with the fallouts from that. I have also torn my ankle
ligament, and as someone whose passions and emotion-control have always
included soccer and running I don’t have enthusiasm for anything in Sydney
anymore.
I am so lonely here in Sydney, and he doesn’t understand you
can be loved by someone and be lonely in all other aspects of your life
I am used to dealing with my depression solo as I know how
to calm myself down when I am panicking and can’t breathe, or when I am crying
so much I am wailing. Together with councillors I developed coping mechanisms,
which all have to be done by myself in order to calm down. Problem
– If I am really struggling, so is he. I want to be left alone when depressed however he can’t stand the thought of being by himself. It got to the peak last
night at 2am after I had a depressive episode and I wanted to go for a walk to
breathe, and he forcibly held me in his arms and refused to let me go, even
when I struggled and fought back, because he didn’t want me to leave him, even
for 10 minutes. Should I have put his needs above what I know is best for me?
What do I do when it contrasts so directly with what he needs?
My boyfriend and I's emotions are both so
connected, if one of us is struggling we drag the other down. It really does
feel like the blind leading the blind, because we are both so unstable in our
emotions. I was wondering if anyone else is in a relationship where both people
have a mental illness? How do you cope with this?
