Is it this hard?

[Captain4]

I am currently 18 years old, and an university student. In the last 2 years I have been struggling with anxiety and depression. There are many days where, I can't put myself in a situation to be happy and other days where everything I do is forced out of necessity or fear from people finding out I have depression and anxiety.

Do others struggle with building up the courage to tell friends and family?

My close group of friends, are people who I trust and have known for a long time and my best friends we always talk no matter what. But I just can't tell them. And when ever I try to build up the courage to tell anyone, it takes all my energy, my mental capacity and puts me in a downward spiral, which negates me from actually telling anyone, and also puts me in an anxious frenzy. And with my family, I just can't tell them, because we're not a family that talks openly. My parents are going through a divorce, and I live with my dad along side my two sisters. When I say this next part, I understand I'm not perfect and I make mistake, and I shouldn't expect people to treat me perfectly. My mother and I had a falling out, and that's because she is a toxic person who only cares for money and blames others for her failures. And right now my dad is under a lot of pressure dealing with family issues, with his sister, and the money issues from my mothers selfishness, which he thinks I don't know anything about but I do, and the we don't openly express anything. Which makes it harder to really tell him and get the help from him. And with my sisters, I know they need a brotherly figure who doesn't break down, so I can't tell them as well. I can't really afford to go to therapy because I don't have the money right now and I can't really ask others for help. (Sorry if I sound like a self righteous and over-confident person in the next part) Also, I make it harder for myself to tell others, because I put on a facade that I'm perfectly fine. Even though I have been suffering, I have somehow still been able to achieve many things like getting school captain in high school, getting multiple awards for sports, academics, and other aspects of life and been able to show my best side when Im around people, which makes people think Im fine. And placing pressure on myself and distancing myself from the chance to tell people. And also I've been getting comments like "look at you, your life is great, you can't possibly have any problems".

So what should I do?

[MarkJT]

Captain, welcome to the forums and thank you for posting what you are going through. It takes courage to do what you have done so do not under estimate how much courage you have within you.

What you are experiencing happens to so many people, both young, old and everyone in between so you are not alone in this, far from it.

Telling people that you have depression, anxiety or any other mental health issue is difficult, there is no doubt about that but there are ways you can do it.

With your sisters and how you say that they need a brother who breaks down, have you considered that your sisters would support you massively if you did tell them and break down? If you are close to them, I suspect that this would happen. I don't think (without knowing your family dynamics) your sisters would do anything else other than show support.

I can understand that you want to protect your dad as he has so much on but he is your father and although your not an open talking family, things can change rapidly when your situation arises. You may just well be the spark that really binds your family together and get everyone talking.

With your friends, is there a best mate? Perhaps have a sit down, or a round of golf or go for a run or something and see if you can tell him. You are not facing a crowd of mates, but just the one. If you trust him, then just blurt it out. I know that sounds way easier than actually done though. You have to find a way to not overthink it to much.

Now I need you to get to the GP and talk to him or her about this. You need some treatment and there is nothing wrong with that. Thousands upon thousands of Aussies are being treated daily so you are not alone in this.

The GP may set down a mental health plan and you may be eligible for a series of free visits to a psych to help you out. Psychs are the experts in this so they will be able to help you.

Another thing i want you to do is get on your phone and download the "Smiling Mind" app. This is guided mindfulness and it will assist with your anxiety. I use it pretty much daily along with another app, "Buddify". I have found that i am a lot calmer by using them. It only takes 10-15 mins per day which is very much worth it.

Your diet is crucial as well. See if you can cut down or even better cut out sugar and sugar laden products. Hard to do these days but can be done. Plenty of water as well.

Exercise as well - critical to mental health.

Let me know how you go with above.

Mark.

[MsPurple]

HI Captain

Welcome to the forums. I know how hard it can be for a parent to go through a divorce. You probably already know this but I just want you to hear it again. Your parents divorce is not your fault. You and your family will get through it. And what helped me through it was to think, it is better to not continue in a loveless marriage or in a fighting environment. Not sure of your exact situation but I found those things helped me.

Now you say you are 18 and struggling with depression. You also said you don't have much money to get counselling. There are a few options you can do. You can go to a bulk billing doctor and get a mental health plan. This allows you to get 6 sessions with a psychologist (mine is a little out of pocket, but you can ask your dr to refer you to one that doesn't have fees on top of the mental health plan). Another option is you can go to a service called headspace. It is a youth mental health service and it is low cost. When I went I explained how I had to pay for rent, food, bills, everything and money was a thing that made me anxious as I didn't want to have no money in my bank account (a girl needs to eat). So when I went into headspace they get you to see an initial clinician (I did it in person but some headspaces do it over the phone) and from there they get your history and talk about how you have been feeling. That helps them refer you to the appropriate team members for you. (some people may need social work some may need a psychiatrist etc). I found it really helpful as I saw a psych and a mental health nurse. I didn't pay anything when I went there. Another option is to go through your university counselling services.

Another thing I should add is, have you heard about disability services? It is for people with physical, mental and/or emotion issues that could affect their studies. I registered for this and it helps. If you are having a flare up or feeling overwhelmed they can give you an academic plan for you and that can help you. They don't have to tell your lecturer what you have they just know you are registered with the services. You do need a doctor or counsellor to fill in a form for you that the university will provide. Just look up disability services on your university website and give them a call/email.

Hope you have found this useful. Trust me opening up to a professional and getting help is the best thing I did

[startingnew]

Hi captain

welcome to BB




im 20 years old so
not much older than you, while im not in uni I am studying online.
Yes I struggle all
the time with my anxiety and depression. Its very common for people
who have anxiety and depression that your perefectly fine. Yep I do
that too so your not alone there.




I second MARK with
the courage- please dont dount yourself, its very courageous and
brave asking for help. Also I definently recommend you see your gp or
university counsellor- if you have one about this as well, the more
support you have the better.

Yep the smiling mind
app would probably be great for you as well.

[talklp]

Welcome!

I understand what you're going through in many ways. I am not in the exact situation as you, but our situations have lead to a similar outcome of anxiety and putting on a facade when with other people.
I'm 21, at Uni, had very similar academic achievements to yourself like vice-captain and big ATAR -- People think we are doing well, but don't understand the battles we face when we aren't around them...

I'm in the same situation where I don't know how to tell anyone in my life that i'm not doing okay at the moment. I don't have a very open family relationship, and all my friends from high school i have somehow accidentally distanced myself from due to some issues, decisions, and my work.

What have I done and what could you do?
I've found so far that it is hard to tell people that i've known a long time for about my issues. Which is weird, because I trust and like them, but in a way I don't want to tarnish what they think of me (during the times of my big achievements etc.) But now i've started with telling all this stuff from the get go when I meet new people (obviously not too up front about it) and also by posting here to catalogue my thoughts. I've sort of introduced two people into my life recently that I mention my troubles with openly - and what surprised me is that they also have their own woes which makes the sharing reciprocal.

I understand that due to your anxiety this might not be the thing for you, but sharing here with the anonymity definitely is a good place to get to know your own thoughts. So congrats on taking the first step. That was the hardest thing for me.

[Doolhof]

Hi Captain,

Welcome to the forum and the community here. I see you have already received some wonderful replies. I would like to encourage you to read and re read the suggestions and advice given to you.

People here do care about each other and offer up their time to reach out to others.

If it helps you to share more of how you are feeling, then this is a safe place to do so.

Wishing you well in your endeavours to help yourself and your family.

From Dools

[Captain4]

Thanks guys, I really appreciate you guys replying and Im overwhelmed by the support. MarkJT, I'll definitely try the 'smiling mind' app. MsPurple, thanks for the advice, I'll start doing more research about getting different type of help. startingnew thanks for opening up, it really feels good to know that people go through the same thing. talklp thanks for opening up as well, and its real good to know that other people are find solace in connecting with other over issues like this. Doolhof thanks for the wishes, I really needed it.

Just overall thank you guys for the support, I really really do appreciate it

[MsPurple]

Your welcome Captain. We are all here to support each other. If we can help one person on the forums we have done our job as a user. Pass on the knowledge you have learnt if you ever see someone else in your position in a few years time. When I was struggling I couldn't imagine me passing it on, but here I am.

I wish the you best and hope to see you on the forums again (but feeling happier in yourself)

Purple

[MarkJT]

Captain, awesome to hear that you are going to give things a go and please do not feel overwhelmed. As you can see you have so much support coming your way and you are most definitely not alone!!

Mark

[Doolhof]

Hi Captain,

Just knowing people care can make a huge difference! As humans we all desire to be loved and cared for and for our hurts and problems to be acknowledged and recognised.

Depression and other mental health issues are hard for some people to comprehend. If you have a broken leg, people can see that. Depression is harder to acknowledge at times.

Hopefully in time you will feel like you can mention how you feel to your Dad and your sisters. Your sister may be feeling similar. There is a lot going on in all of your lives at present.

You mentioned receiving awards for sports, what sports do you enjoy? If female Australian rules was around in my younger years, that would have been the sport for me! Ha. Ha.

Dools