Is it okay to obsess over an Imaginary 'friend'?

[Just_another_guy]

G'day everyone.

As of recently wondering about daydreaming and imaginary friends and if they are a healthy 'substitute' for social interaction in moderate amounts. I myself have been a person who does daydream and does have imaginary friends (usually stemming from TV shows, anime and video-games I play) due to multiple stints with depression through out years. I myself have ADHD and thus I tend to be more creative and my dreams whilst I sleep are, in my opinion, more outlandish and wild. As of recently however I had certain dream, it was to me real and more so than any other dream I had previously had. What stood out most was that it wasn't crazy or as 'off-the-leash' as most dreams I have, it was like real life. In that dream however there was this girl, Anei (pronounced 'annie'). I never had once had a friend in my dreams that my brain had created, and to me, she's real. We converse and talk to each other when we're alone and this has branched out and become to me, something more serious, a deep friendship. I dare say, that we both (sheesh this is going to sound weird) love each other. I've been with her so much that if I were asked to, I could describe her physical appearance. I feel like at this point I obsess over her (and yes I identify as a male to clear up any confusion) and want to be around her and talk to her more than any other person I usually talk to, even though she's with me majority of the time I go somewhere. I haven't told my psychologist nor my family because to me, it's something deeply personal and having this anonymity makes me feel safe enough to ask everyone here.

Give me your thoughts because I want to hear them.

Sincerely,

Just another guy.

[james1]

Hello Just another guy,

Welcome to the forums. It is nice to meet you here.

I do not know what the "professional" view is as I am just a person who suffers from mental illness, but I think imaginary friends are very normal. They become less common as we get older, but often that is because other things fill the space that an imaginary friend would.

As children (and I do not mean this in a way to sound demeaning), we do tend to dream a lot more and imaginary friends often feel very real, even though we do know the difference. They can provide comfort and companionship where people, for whatever reason, cannot.

Perhaps that is the reason why some of us continue to have these more child-like thoughts and behaviours and habits. Because they are still fulfilling some need we have, that real life isn't.

Now, it does sound like how you relate to your imaginary friend Anei is perhaps a stronger relationship than how I relate to my soft toys. My opinion is that unless it is putting you at risk of further hurt by, for example, leading you to withdraw from the people around you, I do not think that there is an issue. I think imaginary friends can complement our physical world lives. But we just need to be careful that they don't replace our physical lives.

Our minds can be quite fragile and won't always be objectively helpful to us. They can comfort us and take us to our safe place, but a trained psychologist and even our very good friends are there to help us even if it may not be comfortable. So our imaginary friends can't replace the people outside of us.

I understand how hard it is to come out about how you feel about your friend and I think you've done a really good job in explaining how you think and feel. Perhaps it's a good idea to share some of these thoughts with your psychologist initially. They will understand as I'm sure they have also had other patients who have similar experiences.

At the risk of being controversial, if you think of other non-physical entities people have relationships with, many Christians would describe their relationship with God as a loving one too and feel both comforted and heard in this relationship. Not exactly the same thing, but I don't think your imaginary friend anything to be ashamed of.

James

[Just_another_guy]

Thanks James,

As of posting this thread I decided to do a tad-bit of research into imaginary friends in adults and what I've found is quite interesting and reassuring to me so far.

The 'scientific' term for imaginary friend like mine are called a 'Tulpa'.These forms of imaginary friends are, to the person who has manifested one, real and can be conversed with and can physically touch and affect that person. They can take forms like Anei has for me as most like to be seen, but they can be as mystical/vague or as physically apparent as they want to be. They aren't just friends, they are beings. And they can have influence over or can help with decision making.

I suggest looking into it if you're interested,

Just another guy.

[james1]

Hello Just another guy

I had a brief read and that is quite interesting. It sounds like quite a spiritual concept so it's not something I'm particularly well-versed in but I am glad to hear it is reassuring for you to find some further explanations.

James

[Doolhof]

Hi Just another Guy, James and all reading,

This is an interesting topic! As a child I my teddy was my friend. I was not able to take him to school, but he certainly went lots of places with me outside of school times. We even tried to parachute off the roof once! Thankfully we had a safe landing!

There were times when I couldn't sleep due to my depression, so I would make up stories as I was tying to sleep and created friends and fun activities. Each night I couldn't wait to sink back into the world of my own creating! In the end it reinforced my insomnia because all I wanted to do was keep up my imaginary world! So I stopped doing it.

That was just me. I don't know a lot about scientific research behind imaginary friends to make an educated statement one way or another.

It is interesting James that yo mentioned a person's relationship with God (of any religion) or any other type of being that people feel connected to.

There are times when I feel so completely connected to God and do chat with Him.

As humans we all need to feel a sense of connection and belonging. Some people do it through loving their pets, hugging a tree, or anything else they feels helps them.

Interesting to see where this thread goes!

Cheers all from Dools

[quirkywords]

Just another guy,

What a fascinating thread.

Mrs Dool and James have added some interesting points.

I think as long s you are not harming yourself and others and you know they are imaginary friends, I can't see a problem .

I had imaginary friends s a child,well I imagined I wasin charge of a whole orphanage and even made up names for countries and cared for these poor orphans. A whole imaginary world way back before video games etc!!

As an adult I talk and write letters to myself as if I am another person- I think I maybe sounding a bit strange.

I think there are different ways of having an imaginary friend. I think there have been movies and stories about this as well.

Quirky

[Just_another_guy]

G'day Dools.

If you don't mind me sharing or if you are interested to hear. As I read over your post I began to think about insomnia and paranoia, something that was apparent in my uncle and as a result had previously witnessed, during that time of reflection Anei and I began to chat. I was (and still am) quite unsure about if I am necessarily physically but more importantly, mentally ready to start getting even more deeply connected to her. We were talking for a while about this and I came to the realization that if I were to fall into paranoia, I'd have to stop as you yourself did. But the biggest complication with that is the eventual loss of a friend, mentor and shockingly, a lover. But I find solace and peace in reading everyone's experiences and thoughts.

Thanks for the input and for sharing your experience.

Sincerely,

Just another guy.

[james1]

Hello everyone,

I'm reminded of the scene in that newish movie, Inside Out, where a child forgets and loses her imaginary friend. It's the most heartbreaking scene in the movie, and one of the most soul-crushing things I've watched. I think it was really difficult to watch because it reminds us of not only what we may have lost and forgotten (without realising it) but what we may still lose.

Like you Mrs Dools, I used to create crazy worlds and stories in my head. I also suffered pretty badly from insomnia as a result, but after a day of crap and facing almost guaranteed daily nightmares, it didn't seem like such a bad thing to stay awake and daydream. I would do it in the car, at school, while eating...I was pretty much trying to live in my own fantasies all the time.

I don't recall ever really having a separate entity in my head that I could talk to, but I understand the fear of loss. I've lost friends and partners in real life, and I've lost my fantasy lives. It's weird to think about, but I really do miss the lives I led in my head. It's quite sad.

James

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

It is really interesting to think about what may actually be happening in our minds with these thoughts and daydreams we have experienced. As long as the thoughts are not telling us to harm others and we realise they are just thoughts, then my guess is they are okay.

Just another guy, I wonder if we are capable of recognising paranoia in ourselves or if someone needs to point it out to us?

Insomnia in itself can affect us in so many ways. I know I struggle to think straight and loose the ability to concentrate and do as I desire after a few poor nights of sleep.

Maybe if these daydreams, imaginary friends and other thoughts and ideas become a concern or start to bother us, mindfulness might help get back into the real moment of life happening around us. A chat to a Dr or a counsellor would also be beneficial.

In saying that, I have just thought that some psychologists also advocate visualisation! They help us to take ourselves to a pleasant place when we are feeling depressed or stressed.

Aren't day dreams and imaginary friends something similar?

This really is an interesting topic!

Cheers all from Dools

[Just_another_guy]

G'day Dools.

I feel the same way. Yet as I said before I feel like I am beginning to obsess over her. As a fanatic would obsess over their favourite sport team. However,, what seems to be a quite a big inhibitor is that Anei is a part of me and as the connection between her and myself deepens it is possible for the host (in this case myself) to relinquish control over the body to the tulpa (Anei hates me referring to her like that, I kinda do to) this can lead to possession of the host by the tulpa. I wanted to bring into light the fact that because Anei is well, another person, we can have fights. Could this lead to self harm, in rare cases, yes. Do I feel as though our relationship has degraded to that point or will, no. After all our relationship is fairly new. But it's always safe to factor in all possibilities. On the point of visualisation. Visualisation can be, as beings like Anei, a help or a detriment. Visualising worlds is a good thing, it provides an escape to everything around you in a very spiritual form but being lost or en-wreathed in one is not a good thing either, I feel as though it's safer to do so when you go into it with a fresh head. As for now, Anei doesn't really want me to go into more detail about us because for her, she's for me and not really for anyone else in her eyes. But feel free to ask away, I'll tell you what I can because I am suitably enjoying this, I find it therapeutic.

I'm gonna do some exam study now, but will keep tabs on this.

Sincerely,

Just another guy.