Intimate triggers

[Thetipsychocolatier]

Hi,

4 months ago I was clinically diagnosed with depression as a result of a break-up. It was my first relationship and I'm only 19 now, so in perspective it was very significant to my life.

We broke up 5 days before our 1year. Despite the fact I ultimately ended it, I didn't feel as if I had any real control over it.

Depression means different things to different people, it assumes different forms relevant to our lifestyles and situations. For me, my disorder has entailed: difficulty eating, regular (and at times incessant) panic attacks and abuse of recreation drugs for relief.

That translated into something more personal: I've lost 33kg (since august 2016), I quit my job and have struggled in many social circumstances because of stress and I developed an intensive habit of smoking (perhaps one of the less stigmatic recreational drugs).

I've been eating healthier, living with less stress and just recently I quit smoking. I'm doing better.

There are, without doubt, still things that keep me from feeling 100% myself again. That prevent me from being 'normal'.

One of these things is my triggers. Small and often random visual catalysts for panic and elevated stress.

I had a very intense panic attack once just because of her socks. We were all playing card games at a friend's house and she took her shoes off, to get more comfortable and casual. That's all it was.

And seeing her in those socks, it just reminded me of all the times she was comfortable and causual in my home. Where everything was just fun, relaxed. That signified to me an ability for her to feel comfortable in this social circumstance, while from across the room I was just falling apart behind my smile.

Triggers have proven to be random, seemingly innocent for face value and over all prevalent.

Some other examples include her mum's model of car, kitkats & maltesers (she was obsessed), red ribbon, ballet. I even stumbled across her new interest that she met on tinder in person. That was just unlucky.

My question is: Do you have triggers in day to day life? And if so, what do you think is the most appropriate way to handle them.

Thank you for reading~

[geoff]

hello, when someone has overcome their depression they will learn so much, in other words all those triggers that will set you off back to the black hole you will avoid these triggers, OK it might not be so simple as seeing her socks, but then this is something you might want to avoid, especially as you have broken up.
From what you have said is that you smoke weed, and please correct if I'm wrong here, but weed as well as alcohol are certainly triggers for you to collapse, they don't let your mind think clearly, even though in depression that is very difficult to do, but throw in these other addictions then it only complicates everything.
There must be a list that stops you feeling 100%, I would write them down so that you will remember what they are, so if any temptation comes up that could lead you to a trigger then they should be avoided, because you're not ready to be able to cope with them just yet, but there will come a time when you have become stronger then they will not worry you.
It's a slow process so don't punish yourself if it happens.
I wonder why there is one major trigger still here and that's being in touch with your ex and her family, and then find her on a dating site, because these are obviously what you don't need to see or look for, because by keeping her in your social sites is only going to keep these triggers going. Geoff.

[Thetipsychocolatier]

Hi Geoff, thanks for your response-

haha, call me old fashioned but I was only referring to traditional tobacco. In all honesty, I've never actually smoked weed. I never had any interest in it...

I felt like smoking helped for the most part because it seemed as if I was in company when sitting alone, I had something to do while I listened to music outside.

You're right about the "obvious" things I should cut out. I've recently deleted my ex off everything, and the only way I knew about her new partner was through word of mouth and then sleuthing. I understand now that doing so is attributed to being slightly self destructive in nature.

I don't interact with her anymore. I don't interact with her family. There's just things in the outside world that act as reminders, even when I don't go looking for them.

But you're right, that will surely just take time to overcome.

I really value your suggestion to write everything down too, I feel like that could be very beneficial. Having a list to consult could easily help me avoid more significant triggers, so I can better pick my battles.

I still think that a degree of confrontation has helped me. By submitting myself to environments that I'm still concerned about, I think I can learn to adjust. I'm optimistic that a healthy amount of exposure can help me to cope with my problems. All within good reason.

[geoff]

hi, and thanks for getting back and correcting me and I can certainly see that you are determined and a very intelligent young man.
It would be great if you have the time to stay on the site, I'm sure your knowledge and help will of assistance to many others. Geoff.

[Quiettall]

Hello

I agree with writing down the triggers that set you off with anxiety or other personal issues. I also suggest that a list of positive triggers are a good thing to consider doing. These might be things like, smells of a particular plant or flower, the smell or taste of different foods that make you feel happy or more comfortable with yourself (such as chocolate, vanilla, pears, peaches, pineapples, nuts...etc), or particular air fresheners or perfumes. I find sandalwood and patchouli if subtle, such as air fresheners or drops on a tissue in your clothes wardrobe, help fill you with positivity when you are down. I think it is the familiarity factor that generates the positive feelings. Though, in saying that, when I was in Vietnam last year on overseas aid assignments, I came across the taste and smell of various foods, including their 3 way coffee mix. They were great comforts to me when I felt somewhat homesick or alone.