In the end it will be ok. If it's not ok, it's not the end

[1PartHuman1PartAnxiety]

Over the past 3 months I have been in an out of hospital. Yes being in hospital does not seem the greatest. However that was what I needed. It has helped me greatly. I am still in hospital. Only for a dozen more days. The home stretch.

I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety and General Anxiety in 2014, during my final year of highschool. I had an attendance of less than 60%. That was the start of my journey of getting help. No one has to go through life alone. I've been going to a psychologist since 2014. It was really good. It helped. Except I wasn't exactly truthful to the people around me. My psych included. Now some of you may ask 'why I am in Hospital?' Well that's another story for another day.

I started studying last year an Online course to become a Pre-School educator. I loved it. Shortly after starting I slacking off. I started doing less and less until it got to the point were I stopped completely. Now if someone gave me the option to go back in time and change anything in my life, I would turn them down. Because my past, no matter how good, no matter how bad, it has shaped me to who I am today. ME.

At the end of last year after disengaging more and more from activities it got to the point where I was doing nothing apart from eating, sleeping, going on the computer, and going to the bathroom. I started to realise what was going on. I decided on one thing. I don't know what made me to make that decision but the decision was to stop lying to myself and the people around me. I stopped lying to my psych. She hit the panic button and sent me to hospital. That was in November last year. I've been in and out since then. It's been a hard journey. But it has been worth it. I'm getting help.

The psych I am seeing now at the current hospital thinks I have depression and says that there are traits of a personality disorder or two. She is currently thinking Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (Borderline Personality Disorder) and won't diagnose me yet.

Right now I am not sure why I am righting this. I guess it's to tell you guys that it will be ok. One really close and amazing friend told me this. And now I am telling you:

'In the end it will be ok. If its not ok, it's not the end'

And hey, life has its ups and downs. That's ok. It's ok to feel sad sometimes. It's ok. You'll be ok.

Anyway that's it for now. I might update you all later with everything. Take care ❤️

[Guest_322]

Hi 1PartHuman1PartAnxiety,

I just read your post and I'm glad that I did. I'm not sure what to write other than I found your story both moving and heart wrenching at the same time.

I'm so glad that you were able to be honest with your psych and get the help and support that you needed. Your amazing friend sounds as though he or she is exactly as you described, amazing.

I have been having a really rough time. Some days I don't even know how I'm still standing- I say this all the time but life hurts and that's all I want to say right now. But you probably don't need me to tell you that.

In some bizarre way, your thread was just the thing that I needed today. If you're well enough (and don't mind sharing), I would love to hear from you again.

Thank you, your timing was impeccable for me today. I've probably gained more from reading your post than you did in starting this thread.

I wish you a smooth run on your home stretch. Hang in there! You got this!

Dottie xxx

[BballJ]

Hi 1PartHuman1PartAnxiety,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

What a lovely story you have shared and I am so glad you seemed to of found peace with what you have. I don't know why you are in the hospital but it seems whatever it is, you are making a great progress to recovery and your positivity is nothing short of amazing. I feel you will have great advice to share with many struggling people on these forums who will find strength in your posts and advice.

My best for you,

Jay

[Guest_322]

Hi again,

Don't worry, I realise you're busy working on your health in hospital so I'm not really expecting a response. I'm writing (again) because your post really struck a chord with me, you know. I felt connected to many of your words.

Anyways...

Random background about me is I'm currently on uni holidays. I have weekend plans with some friends but none today (& I have the day off work) so I'm figuring out what to do with myself. I'm thinking of getting some indoor pot plants (maybe cacti if I'm super lazy). I can't have any pets at my place so maybe pot plants is the next best thing.

I'm clearly rambling out of a combination of loneliness, sadness and feeling connected to your post. Thanks again for sharing your story and cheering me up a little. I hope you have a decent weekend-or as decent as can be given the circumstances.

I'm going to get out of my head and head out. You take good care of yourself.

Dottie x

[Zeal]

Hey,

Welcome to the forum!

It sounds as though being in hospital has been a safe and secure way to seek treatment and help. Not having daily household stresses and extra tasks allows you to focus on your mental health. I can relate to the feeling of not wanting to rewrite anything in the past. This is a great attitude to have, and it sounds as though you have learned a great deal about yourself and about life. Your friend's quote is great. I think it applies both to those with a mental illness and those without. Your final year of high school must have been stressful. It's great that you were willing to seek a psychologist's help. Some people take years to get to this stage.

In 2012 at the age of 19, I was in hospital for two months. It was a planned voluntary admission for an atypical eating disorder. I learned a lot from this experience, even though it wasn't pleasant at times. I would not change that aspect of my life, as it helped me realise I wanted to study psychology. I had to stop a degree I'd hardly started when I got unwell in 2012. In 2014, I started studying a psychology degree full-time, and I finished that late last year. You are so right in saying that past events shape you as a person.

You already have a wise and balanced outlook on life, which is amazing.

Best wishes,

Zeal

[1PartHuman1PartAnxiety]

Hey Dottie,

This is the third time witting this :S the hospital wifi isn't the best. But hey it's free wifi, better than no wifi. Anyway. Thanks for replying. Thanks for replying twice. I didn't expect anything from this post, it was an at for me to express some thoughts and inspire people. Me included. I didn't expect anyone to comment. You did. Thank you.

We all have mountains life. We all have mountains to climb. That's ok. You can only climb the mountain one step at a time. So you go get the most hugable cacti. Not that I'm encouraging you to hug it, just pretend to. Give it a name 🙂 make it a friend. We have to take care of the little kid inside us :PBut yeah, anyway. I guess I'm replying to say thanks. Truly.

What is 'normal'? For all I know it's just a setting on the washing machine. If you think about everyone in the world, would you consider any individual normal? I know I wouldn't. None of my friends are 'normal'. None of my family are 'normal'.I'm not normal.But hey. As an individual it's normal to not be normal. If you take a look at the word normal, 'Norm' means average. We as individuals always find a flaw in ourselves and the people around us, we always find labels to put on people. But let me tell you this.

We are all normal.

All of us. Together. We are all normal. It's normal to be different. If you look at everyone you know, they are only perfect in one way. You are only perfect in one way. We are human. You are human. We are perfectly imperfect. And that's life. It's ok to feel sad sometimes. It's ok to be sick sometimes. It's ok to say 'I'm not ok'.

Some days we win.

Some days we learn.

Life has its ups and downs. We can't have one without the other. ❤️ yin and yang. Light and dark. Beautiful and ugly. They are just two sides to the same coin. Anyway I'm getting distracted. I'll continue this at a later time. Anyway thank you for your comments. Take care!

Thanks,

1PartHuman1PartAnxiety

[1PartHuman1PartAnxiety]

Hey jay,

Thanks for replying. Thing is I'm no where near close to finding peace with my mental health issues. I've taken the first few steps and acknowledged that there is an issue and that I do need help.

I've been made involuntary twice in the past 3 months. The most recent being for three days last weekend. I might share my story of why I'm in hospital on another day, but that'll be on another section of the forum. But anyway, hospital is what I needed. Even if I do forget that at times.

I'm not wanting people to find strength in my posts. I'm wanting people to find strength in themselves. Because the most inspiring story is your own. I will elaborate on that another time.

But anyway thanks for welcoming me and thanks for the reply. Thanks heaps Jay.

Thanks,

1PartHuman1PartAnxiety

[1PartHuman1PartAnxiety]

Hey Zeal,

Love the name.Yeah I guess hospital has been good as it's allowed me to focus more on my self and my wellbeing. But too much time to yourself can also be a problem. I'm enjoying it so far though. Well I hope I am.

I guess one thing I've always been passionate about is helping others. I've volunteered for so many various things, youth camps, mission trips, youthgroup leader, volunteering twice weekly helping at a special ed k-12 school. But I guess during all that time I was too focused on helping others I forgot to help myself. Well I'm here now doing that. It's ok. Life happens.

I agree with you completely. The past can help shape our future. But the past doesn't and never will define our future.

Wow that's pretty coolnourney you've had, thanks for sharing. Since my mental health journey started I've realised I wanted to go into Psychology and I will hopefully start studying this February. What are your plans now that you finished your degree?

Anyway, thanks for the feedback and for sharing part of your story. It means a lot. Thank you Zeal.

Thanks,

1PartHuman1PartAnxiety

[Zeal]

Hey again,

I agree that being in hospital is often beneficial, but that having extra free time can be hard emotionally.

That's amazing that you've been volunteering so much. I started volunteering for the first time when I was 21, and I've really enjoyed it. This experience will put you in great stead for your future, if you wish to pursue psychology, social work or something similar. When I was studying undergrad psych, the lecturers would often emphasise how important volunteering and practical experience is. This will be of huge benefit for you. I'm not saying that's the reason to volunteer of course, but I just wanted to let you know that giving your time and energy to others will have this benefit for you. Even when people volunteer for almost purely altruistic reasons, often they gain hugely from the experience on an emotional level.

It's great that you're planning to start study in Feb. I recommend registering with the Disability Service/Counselling service (or the equivalent at your uni) so that you can apply for special provisions. If you are granted special provisions on the grounds of having mental illness, this will be completely confidential. It will not go on your record, and future employers will not be made aware of this. I was able to get assignment extensions of up to a week without a medical certificate, for instance. The staff will assess your situation and work out if you are eligible for provisions, and if so, what provisions.

I've read posts on the forum of people who decided that they wanted to start uni fresh without feeling as though they were doing it differently than others, and so didn't register with the service. When they started having symptoms that affected their work, they then applied for provisions. It's best to apply before the uni work starts, so that you are prepared. Even if you don't use the provisions, it's a good safety net. It's up to you of course though.

I am travelling to Japan on Tuesday (17th Jan) with my boyfriend and our two friends. I have a Skype interview for postgrad counselling/psychotherapy on the 19th. I missed out on the first round offers because the admin team didn't process my application. It would have been nice to have a regular interview, but thankfully the Tokyo hotel I'm staying at on the 19th has high speed internet. There is almost always a silver lining!

I hope you are doing okay today, and are getting the right help 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

[1PartHuman1PartAnxiety]

Hey Zeal,

Yeah hospital has its ups and downs but the most recent one I was in had a program so I was doing something from 9am - 3:30pm each day. I was kept busy which was a good thing.

Yea well I've just grown up being taught that time is greater than money. So rather donate my money (I don't have any) I can donate my time and help out where I can. As long as I can put a smile on someones face it's worth it.

I will take a look at what the Uni will provide and maybe sign up, I don't have to use it but it is just in case. I did a similar thing in the HSC. I was just in a difference room with 2-3 other students rather than the massive hall full of hundreds of students. It helped.

Fancy, just going for a little break up in Japan? Good luck with the interview! Tell me how it goes 🙂 A Skype interview is better than no interview, best of luck.

Yea the last two days have been a unique ride of emotions. Over the moon one second, in tears the next and breaking my phone in anger shortly after. But hey, that's ok. We all have our moments. Life's a roller coaster. I should enjoy it while I can. But lucky me, I got discharged today. :S I am trying to join an outpatient DBT program which goes for 6 months, 3 hours weekly. It should be good. DBT has it's moments some of the concepts can be full on but that's good. They don't really sugar coat anything which I like.

Yea there is almost always a silver lining.

I am transitioning into seeing a new psychologist and psychologist which is through PIERS which is good.

Anyway, best of luck with your interview and enjoy your little adventure in Japan.

Take care,

Joseph