I think I WANT to be sick

[helpme123]

Hi everyone. I made a post here about someone else close to me a few months ago, but now I think it's time I address my own problems. I have been unofficially suffering from mental health problems for close to about 6 or 7 years now. I say unofficially because I've never been to a psychiatrist/therapist, and have therefore never actually been diagnosed with anything. I did see a school counsellor a couple of times back in Year 12 a few years back, but only once or twice. I've often thought I could have depression or bipolar, seeing that I have gone through definite manic and depressive swings. On top of that, I'm convinced I have some sort of sociopathy/psychopathy as well, for multiple reasons that I don't particularly want to talk about here.

The thing is though, this doesn't make me upset, or angry, or ashamed in itself. I actually want to get the diagnosis. I'm terrified at the idea of going to a psychiatrist and being told that I'm 'just a bit sad' or 'I'm normal'. I've lived with this for such a long time now, and I know my brain. I want them to tell me something is wrong with me.

Is that really, really messed up? Is there anyone here who feels/has felt the same way?

[blondguy]

Hi helpme123

Good on you for posting and thankyou!

Ive had depression for many years and understand where you are coming from

Please see your GP and if possible book a double appointment. There are many GP's out there that have much better training on depression than even just a few years ago. If you have a caring GP you will have better insight to your issues than you have now.

A psychiatrist is just a specialist and they are good value but in my opinion your GP would be the best 1st step

You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by doing so 🙂

my kind thoughts

Paul

[pawsy]

Hi there helpme,

i relate to what you're saying, and i dont think it's messed up to be hoping for a diagnosis that something is wrong. In fact, I think its pretty common for folks to feel happy when a doctor or a psychologist confirms that our *feelings* of crazyness or mania, depression or psychopathy or whichever are 'real' ... There is so much pressure coming at us from the world to be not-that, to just be okay. ... This year having a doctor and psychologist say i was suffering 'acute on chronic depression' was music to my ears. Ha. It doesnt mean it's a fun time to be me, but at least i felt like someone gets me :-).

Praps it's time to go see a GP as blondguy suggests, and see what they say? Alternatively just keep posting on here. There's always someone around with experiences to share and thoughts on just about any mental health issue.

best wishes from pawsy

[The_Possum]

Hey there

It's totally not messed up to want a diagnosis. Especially when you have been struggling for so long and deep down you know something isn't right.

The thing about self diagnosis is that we can be so wrong and we can be off track and even panic about things that may not even be relevant to our condition. I don't recommend it to be honest. Leave it to the professionals.

Last year was my big rocky year where everything came to the surface. At first I was diagnosed depression and anxiety by my GP.

But although I was medicated and saw a psychologist things were just becoming more and more terrifying and bad for me.

I knew something wasn't right but wasn't sure what. I started researching and thinking I had every condition in existence. I was just so desperate for a diagnosis and to be told 'this isn't all in your head, you really are this disgnosis'...

I was scared a diagnosis would never be reached and I'd just be told it's depression and thats normal..

Well thankfully a referral to a psychiatrist got me a diagnosis of bipolar ii and put on the right medication.

It was a relief to know it wasn't all in my head and I felt happy about it.

So my advice is, make the first step and see the GP, explain fully what you are thinking and feeling. I'd the GP finds they aren't equipped to deal with it themselves they will send you to a psychiatrist for a full assessment. This will get to the bottom of it and it's nothing to fear either.

Good luck x

[geoff]

hello Helpme, welcome to the site, but I wonder whether you have been searching for answers on the net which could indicate to someone that they may have an illness, because the net tells you similar symptoms to what you are experiencing, which could make you feel as though you have sociopathy/psychopathy, this maybe true, but I hope not.
Have you completed the K-10 test which will give you a score indicating your level of depression, but I suggest you do it a few times, once you have a score then book an appointment with your doctor, you really need to get a diagnosis to ease your mind, that's step number one, number two is to ask your doctor to refer you to a psychologist/psychiatrist.
If the score you get is high then you have nothing to worry about when seeing someone, simply because they will ask questions indicating what type of illness you have. Geoff.