I think I actually am doing it for attention

[759302027]

Hi,
I don't know what's wrong with me or if anything's wrong at all but I think I'm doing it for attention.
I know everyone says that but I genuinely think I am. Some days I feel absolutely fine but then some days I'm horribly anxious for no reason at all and some days I feel just empty inside and feel like I'm just distracting myself with everyday activities. But I also don't know if I'm actually feeling these things or just making them up for a diagnosis because i think it'll make me feel special. I am currently in therapy for anxious thoughts but I can't really seem to tell them anything aside from surface level stuff. The thing that concerns me is that whenever I hear/read about a mental disorder I try and match myself to it and imagine myself getting diagnosed with it. Also whenever I hear about someone doing something due to their mental illness, i automatically think "maybe I can do that then I'll get diagnosed" but then I get really sad and scared that I thought that. Because I think these things any time I am actually feeling sad or anxious or numb or whatever, I tell myself that I'm just doing it for attention and because I want a diagnosis. I have actually had anxiety attacks but I don't know if I actually had them or if I was doing it on purpose. I don't tell anyone any of this but I imagine myself having conversations where I do.
I know theres a condition where people believe they have certain mental disorders but this isn't like that. I don't believe I have them I seem to want to have them for attention?? Maybe I'm just an attention seeker i dunno. I'm just really tired and i wanna know if there's something wrong or if i'm making it up. I also feel as if I can't tell my therapist any of this as that would confirm I'm just doing it for attention and trying to get a diagnosis from them.

[Petal22]

Hi 759302027,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im sorry you are feeling this way I understand it would be difficult for you.

You can’t have an anxiety attack on purpose it’s something our body does and is beyond our control.

I think what you are feeling and going through is valid..

I understand you don’t want to talk to your therapist about this but I really think it will them to understand how they can help you.

[may_04]

hi 🙂

i'm not a professional here, but i understand everything you're saying.

when something's wrong with me, I try to diagnose myself. this makes me feel as though my problems are real and I'm not faking it or being dramatic.

I feel as though if I was diagnosed with a mental disorder, it would make my feelings real and people can see that I'm not just lazy, or dramatic, or attention-seeking.

sometimes I don't feel special. i feel different in the wrong way. nowadays so many people have mental disorders that other young people can judge you if you don't have one.

obviously, wait until one of the professional's replies and helps you, but I just wanted to reply to remind you that you're not alone. sometimes just knowing that someone else understands you can help.

I hope that you feel better soon. Wishing you happiness and health.

- may.

[geoff]

Hello 759302027, what ever you tell your therapist they will ask you questions or concerns that relate to any illness you believe you have, they will then say yes or no and then act accordingly.

You can't try and fool any psych, they will pick up any inconsistencies in what you've said, they have been trained and had many years of experience, dealing with all types of people and know all the tricks, and anybody who believes they have a particular illness, they will ask questions to confirm this or deny the fact you have it in a professional way.

Geoff.

[chadicha]

Hey, it's okay. You aren't your mind, you are so much more. What If you are thinking these thoughts because you want a sense of closure, rather than attention? It sounds like your desperately searching for different possible diagnoses, and maybe the true root of this is that you want a sense of inner peace and knowing of what you are really going through. It won't always be black and white, and you searching for different symptoms in different illnesses may overlap each other and I can tell you are really trying to figure it out. This sounds like something you've been battling for a while, you are very strong, but please be easier on yourself. You don't have to have it all figured out right now and although it can be frustrating, sometimes the pressure you place on yourself for the answer is making it harder to find it. Opening up to your psychologist may actually help you get closer to the answers (this could be a symptom of an illness), but it doesn't make you a bad person or deceiver. You are really just going through it and they are truly their to help you.