I still love him even though he's left me

[Mimilovesyou]

Hi everyone,
It's my first time talking so openly in forums since I'm not the type to tell my problems, so I'm sorry if my words and thread is not concise. Anyways, it's been a few days since my boyfriend had left me because he has depression. I had done everything I can in the relationship, to love, to support and do all my research to make sure he's getting the support he gets. However, it didn't work since he ended up leaving me because I would usually get upset from his mood swings and his isolation from me sometimes. So far, I'm miserable, and the breakup did not end badly but it was just a mutual agreement, both admitting that we love each other very much despite the final call. I love him still, and he cant see why. I've given him space but I have an itching desire to take care of him, make sure he's okay and he's loved since his family and friends are distant themselves, that I was always the one there for him.
I don't know what to do. Do I continue being friends with him even with the feeling of wanting to get him back? Or do I completely let him go and separate ways forever? I love him, I do, but he isn't sure that he can handle a relationship right now or for a while, he is battling his demons (which I completely agree with). I need help on either how to move on, or if I need to be patient and wait.

[geoff]

Hello Mimilovesyou, can I give you a warm welcome to the forum and thanks for posting your comment.

I know what you are saying and feel sorry for both you and your boyfriend, love is very powerful but when depression looms over someone they feel as though they need some space because they don't want to hurt or involve you as they don't have any answers to the questions you ask, because they don't know themselves.

Give him a little time because he will probably contact you when he wants to, let him do the talking and you can participate, but the idea is for him to be able to vent his feelings.

Try and convince him to go his doctor, he needs to be diagnosed and if need, they will prescribe medication and refer him to a psychologist.

Ask the doctor about the 'mental health plan', this entitles him to 10 free sessions with the psychologist, but before he goes to see his doctor, ask him to do the K-10 test, you can google it.

It's a test to determine his level of depression between 1 to 10 and get him to take the result with him to the doctors.

It's a test which should be done several times, not straight after the other but at different times or another day.

When he's not with you it would be good to text him every now and then and tell him you love him and will do anything to help him get back on his feet.

Can I suggest that you also consult a doctor because we can't forget about you, as all of this will affect you in one way or another and we want you to try and remain strong but you may need help.

Depression can be overcome with love and support.

My best wishes.

Geoff.

[Mimilovesyou]

Thank you so much for this.

Prior to break up, he had gone to bad experiences such as dropping out uni, which was a big deal for him but he was unable to cope because he couldn't get himself into it, and was seeking for a psychologist that hasn't gotten back to him for almost three weeks. Needless to say, he dwelled on his thoughts while I would be out studying and it grew to the point of realization he wants to be alone forever.

I'm giving him all the space he needs and I'm struggling but trying really hard to give him the time he needs to grow and myself to grow.

I love him with all my heart still, my friends and even he, encouraged me to do more things I wanted to do but I have envisioned so many good times to be spent with him that it's a little hard moving forward.

Nevertheless, I still have hope that we can still be together one day (quite childish but I am the optimistic one), and he has "gotten himself together really ready for a relationship".

Doing research and reading this response made me feel like I also need to start giving time for myself to heal and allow myself to be happy even without him.

It all hurts to know that someone I love so much is going through this, but I will wait for him to approach me when he needs help so he can still know I support him.

One question is, on whether or not isolation is a good thing for someone with depression and does it really help them move out of their hole that he finds hard to get out of?

[geoff]

Hello Mimilovesyou, thanks for getting back.

I think it's important to let him know that you care and that you're willing to be part of his recovery, but remember 'your job isn't to fix him, but to be present'.

He needs to know that you're there, that you care and want to help him, but there are no magic words you can say just be there for support.

The question about being isolated fluctuates between people and it depends on whether they are still maintaining their medical support, because if this doesn't happen then being alone is not necessarily a good thing, that's why it's good for you to occasionally contact him by text or by phone, he knows you are there.

My best wishes.

Geoff.