I really wanna cry, but I can't!

[Erijen]

So I've been depressed for a while now, I've tired to seek help but I could never go through with it completely. I'm in uni at the moment and it seems to be getting even worse with the stressors and pressure of trying to complete my final year.

I still do live with my parents, because it's apart of our tradition where the girl can't leave the home until she's married, not that I'm planning to get married anytime soon it's kinda in the back of my mind. But I have come to that stage in my life where I wanna explore life and I wanna see what I like and don't like. I do help my family financially. My family don't know that I suffer from depression and I don't want them to know, because they have a huge stigma against anyone with a mental illness ( stupid I know, but that's how they were brought up). Because I haven't told them about it, I kinda have to "fake" my day to day life because I don't want them to realise, so I spent most of my time in my room, not talking to anyone, I hardly go out, because I'm helping them finically which leaves me out of pocket. I guess i don't have the strength to tell them I can't give them money because I'm paying for so much such things like my uni fee, my mobile bill, food, transport money, paying off my car, and my everyday necessities, don't get me wrong I love my parents but they just don't understand. 

I have never really had a relationship with them at all. We don't talk or anything and it kinda sucks because I do wanna tell my mum stuff but because she's so judgment about everything I can never go to her for nothing. I feel like there's so many secrets that their keeping from me and it hurts, it really does. 

I want to feel good about myself, I want to go out and be social and meet new people, and just be carefree I mean I'm in my 20s. I wanna experience love and happiness I see it in other people and to be honest it makes me super jealous that I can't have that, I don't have the ability to allow myself to let go of the past and be in the present. 

I just wanna be happy, that's all, I wanna be happy! 

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Erijen,

Thank you for your post.

I would like to talk more to you about your situation but can you let me know what cultural background you are from?

I am part Greek and spent a long time working with people from dozens of nationalities so I get different cultural standards, but they vary differently from culture to culture.

Kind regards, John.

[Doolhof]

Hi Erijen,

I think you need to be honest with your parents regarding your finances. Can you write out what you earn, list where all your money goes and show them just how much you do have left over at the end of a week, fortnight or month?

Do you have cousins or friends that you can out with? Due to your family beliefs and culture, do you need a chaperone to go out with? Do you have brothers or sisters whom you can go out with?

You mentioned you are at Uni. Have you looked around to see if there are counsellors or advisors at Uni who may be able to give you help and advice? They may be able to organise or suggest a Dr. you could go to if you need more advice and help.

Do you have an Aunt or Uncle whom you can talk with openly, or a Grand parent who may understand how you are feeling?

Can you join a club or a group of some kind to make new friends? Are there interesting groups outside of your field of study at Uni you might be interested in?

Try and find a hobby or interest that will get you out of the house.

Please let me know if any of these ideas are of any help to you.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools