I really hate myself

[crazy_empanada]

Hi,

I just needed to tell anyone that i really hate myself so much. I eat right (don't eat sugar/processed foods, eat fruit,veggies,protein, etc.) but have never lost any weight, I'm just ugly in general, my personality is horrible and I pretty much just hate myself, both how i look and act.

I also don't have any close friends and am not allowed to see the school counsellor (my parents don't 'believe' in mental health issues), but i think i ended up with depression. I end up alone at school a bunch, my parents pretty much don't notice me until i do something wrong, and just really don't like my life.

Sorry to rant, just needed to say this.

[ABC01]

Hello,

You have the strength and courage to post on this forum. Those two are powerful traits to have. You can speak very well. That is another great personality trait. You are speaking out to be heard. I hear you and your thoughts and feelings are valid.

Life can sometimes be uncomfortable,but things do get better. You will learn who you really are and what really matters to you. Not others. Remember that not everyone gets along with everyone else in life. Right now you are in school. There are billions of other people outside of school. You will meet your people.

Until then, perhaps you can focus on what you are good at. Praise yourself for all the Good and Positive things you do every single day, instead of all the wrong/negative things you focus on. Art is a great expressive outlet and there are many kinds you can try. Or if you can exercise safely, perhaps you can find a passion in a particular activity.

In high school, I had a friend in every group. I would circle around who I would sit with at lunch. I didn’t have a singular group of friends and only them. Perhaps you may get the chance to meet only a few people at different classes and slowly make friends with them.

And know it is okay. Lots of people have had experiences at school. It may even make you a stronger person too. Even though I feel for you. 
 

Keep using your voice. You are stronger then you know.

ABC01

[crazy_empanada]

Hi ABC01,

Thank you. I really needed to hear this, it helped a lot.

But what if I can't do anything right? What if the art I sometimes do always looks wrong? Or I simply hate exercise... Or if I'm the worst at making friends... I guess I'm just scared that I'll finish school and be alone again, as I am when no one else feels like talking to me.

But actually, THANKS. You really helped me.

[ABC01]

Dear crazy_empanada,

In your reply you started alot of your questions with “What if.” There is a pattern of anxiety that uses “What if’s?” To fed your anxiety more, so it grows. It makes you self doubt and again if you listen to it to much,you start to believe it is the truth and it isn’t.

Take all the “mis-steps” in things such as art as a learning curve. I bet if you saw a really famous artists’ first works, you wouldn’t believe the same person painted what now hangings in famous museums behind security. We are must start somewhere and keep up it to get better and grow our skills. No one has ever just done something,one day out of the blue, for the first time and people were like “Wow! They are a genius!”. And all my art that doesn’t turn out the way I want too, I just call it “abstract”. 😝  Plus art is subjective.

It is okay to feel scared. It is a valid feeling in your situation. To make friends you will need to get out of your comfort zone. And that scares people of all ages.

 I will also let you in on a little secret. When we are in school we think we will be best friends forever and always be in each other’s lives. However, life outside of school is very different to life in school. Everyone will start to get different schedules,may have to move away for work or further study. Some may get married and start families. The point I am trying to make is that the likelihood of most people staying in touch with everyone they were friends in school with is quite low. Everyone moves on in their own pattern that rarely matches alot of others. You are more likely to make new friends outside of school,then in it. Because you will be with people who have similar interests to you.

That may not help you in this moment. Sometimes things just get overwhelming. That is okay. But you don’t need to criticise or blame yourself for anything and everything. And sometimes being scared can point out what is really important to you in your life.

Keep going! 
ABC01

[meeeeeeee]

i just lost all my friends (this is a usual thing 4 me) i can never keep friends

[crazy_empanada]

Hello again,

this is the most horribly late reply, but thank you.

Thank you very much. That really helped. Really. THANK YOU