I Need To Let Out How I Feel

[depressedanxiouspenguin]

I have anxiety disorder since 2013. I have had panic attacks and I am now on medication. At times I do feel empty and I think it is mild depression as well. I feel like I can explode... I cannot handle situations properly. I can be scared to express how I feel to my family and boyfriend. I do let them know how I feel but it can be hard to say it out. I'm afraid to ask for changes in something that has already been planned, fearing that the person(s) I have made plans with would probably explode. I'm loved and I know there are people who care for me but my anxiety feels so horrible now. I sometimes cry. I reminisce about my life before uni, and feel like going back in time when everything was so much easier, even knowing that uni isn't as bad as working life. I have different moods every two weeks or so. I would feel like I can do anything for a while, and then I would feel so bad that I don't have the mood to do anything at all. I feel totally useless and I want to go back to my hometown. The swings are so bad. I feel so worried of the cycle since I know it definitely will start all over again, once the "happy and confident" phase is over. 

 Does anyone feel like this? I feel so alone now... I don't live alone, there is such thing as FaceTime so I can call my family back home. But I feel so alone. 

[Zeal]

Hi penguin,

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with anxiety. As you are on medication, I'm assuming you've been diagnosed by your doctor, and subsequently prescribed a dosage. Your situation reminds me a little of how I felt a few years back. Once I left school, I felt lost, confused, and was afraid of change. Being at uni just didn't feel right at first. Adjusting to big new changes in your life can be really hard, particularly for people suffering from anxiety conditions. Moving away from family must also be challenging. I've lived at home with my parents and sister for my whole life (22 years), and so I unfortunately can't give you any personal advice about how to adjust. It's great though that you don't live alone 🙂

Having regular appointments with a GP and/or a psychologist could be hugely beneficial for you emotionally. Talking through issues and concerns can really help alleviate some of the anxiety, and can also unleash repressed feelings which are causing both psychological and physical discomfort.

Keep in close contact with your family, by phone or online. Hopefully you can also visit them with your boyfriend during uni breaks, if you have the time.

I hope you are able to break down some of this anxiety soon.

Best wishes,

SM

[depressedanxiouspenguin]

Hi SM!

 Thanks for the advice. I'm just 20 and I definitely will be going home during the holidays. I've been in Australia for a year and a half now. It was hard at the beginning and I slowly adjusted. Although the 'mood swing cycle' keeps on happening. I keep in contact with my family quite often but it's not the same as being home with them... But any ideas on how to cope?

 Thank you so much!

[depressedanxiouspenguin]

And yes, I tend to be afraid of change. I find it so hard to see my friends/cousins adapting so easily. I don't think they over think the future as much as I do. I know my family is there for me but my thoughts can be so unreasonable 😕 

[kelalou]

Hi penguin!

Sorry to hear you are feeling so anxious and overwhelmed. I can definitely empathise with uni being incredibly overwhelming - you are not alone in that regard at all!!! I went back to uni this year after a break for a few years and moved interstate away from my family and friends to do so. I am also very grateful for things like Facetime and Skype to keep in touch with them. But it was still hard readjusting to the changes and the pressure that uni does put on you.

While it may not seem like it, generally universities do care about their students and try to provide some support services for them. Try to be open with your tutors about how you are feeling and hopefully they can support you during this difficult time, and be a bit more flexible when it comes to your work. The uni also should have counselling services where you can go and speak to someone to get off your chest how you are feeling. I did this back in my first year of uni (before my break from studying!) and that really helped. Also, as SM has suggested you can go see your GP who may have some further recommendations for you.

If you are worried you may say things to your boyfriend or family and it might make things worse or someone will explode I find it really helps to me to write things down if I'm feeling overwhelmed by lots of thoughts. It helps me to be clear when I am communicating to other people... I literally write little notes or dot points about the things on my mind and go through them one on one... it helps me to focus and not get caught up in other thoughts.

Hopefully you also have the chance to do some fun and relaxing things - like play sport with friends or go to the movies or something. Definitely reach out to those around you so you feel less alone - I always say you can never have too many friends! And hopefully you will also find some companionship with someone you work with or study with.

Good luck! Thank you for bravely sharing with us how you are feeling. Take care of yourself, keep in touch with family and friends, but if needs be you may find it helpful to talk to a professional about how you are feeling! You're definitely not alone and I will be doing all those things when uni classes start back next semester! 🙂