I need help

[qwerty1234]

I've been having trouble for a long time; when I was younger my mum always told me "you care too much". I got bullied a lot at the end of primary school and at the start of high school. I started taking "sick" days and going to class late to avoid confrontation with the kids in my class and it was a really tough time but I only started feeling anxious until a few years later. I never told anyone until I got close with a few friends. They encouraged me to seek help but I was never brave enough. When I told my mum I wanted to kill myself I could see it slowly tearing her apart and I couldn't bear to watch her in this pain so I told her I felt fine and it was "just a phase". When I got to year 12, it was quite stressful but I was probably the happiest that year; I guess school distracted me? It came back when I went to university and is very much present now.

The truth is, I don't even know what I have or if I have anything at all. I stress all the time, about everything. I can't sleep at night because I am constantly playing back stressful/painful situations in my mind and thinking about those to come. I do this all the time. I burp, get nauseous, and lately I have been getting chest pain when I stress. Then I stress about stressing and it peaks when I ponder the thought of my life always being this way. I want to be a doctor but how can I when I can't even deal with my own problems. There is nothing harder than telling someone about this and explaining to them that there is no reason you should be feeling this way, it is accomplishing nothing, but this is how my body works. There is no way I would be able to confront a doctor about this ongoing issue but it is clear to me I won't be able to go on otherwise.

I am posting this because I would like advice on what I should do (I was thinking the first step is to see a GP?), who is a great doctor/where is a great clinic (I need to go to bulk billing because I have no money), but also, I don't want to back out of getting help again, so any advice on forcing yourself into going would also be good.

I am 19 years old; Male; I am NOT burdening my family with this.

Any help would be very much appreciated, thank you.

[Fairywings]

Hi there glad you have joined us sorry its taken so long for someone to get back to you. Yes i definitely agree seeing a doctor is what u should be doing. What ur experiencing and the symptoms you r going thru are very much anxiety related. If left untreated can be very overwealming and debilitating. You need to be strong and talk urself into doing it. R their any doctors clinics in ur local area that u can call up for an appointment and find out if they bulk bill? I know you want to get better i can sense it in by what ub have disclosed and I am so proud of you for doing so. I know understand and respect the fact that u don't want to burden ur parents with this but please believe me u won't be burdening them im sure they love and care for you and would want to know if ur struggling getting help and support to get urself better i do believe flying solo is a bit hard to do. Can you also tell me if you have a close relationship with ur parents at all bc i do believe at some stage its important that they do know what's going on with you so that u can get as much help and support that you will need. You have all of us here for you in the meantime only u will know when the right time is to let ur parents know. Please keep in touch xx 😊

[PatT]

Hi there,

welcome to the forums and I'm sorry to hear you've been having such a rough time. People tend to look at anxiety as such a manageable and self-inducing condition but unless they've experienced chronic anxiety yourself then it's really hard to grasp the breadth of it. It sucks so much, it's such a drain, it affects your life in so many ways but reaching out for help, like you've just done, is the first of many steps you need to take to lead to positive change.

I think your best option is to find a bulk billing GP. Unfortunately we aren't allowed to recommend people by name on the forums but if you google bulk-billing GPs in your area I'm sure you'd be able to find one quickly. When you see the GP be completely honest with them. They'll most likely put you on a mental health plan which gives you 10 subsidised trips to a psychologist. The doctor may also touch on medication. I've been taking anti-depressants for my anxiety for about 15 years and I know that I couldn't function without them. Many of them come with little noticeable side effects and they can be incredibly helpful.

In terms of forcing yourself, there isn't a whole lot I can recommend. You have to really want the change, you've gotta need it. Think about how debilitating chronic anxiety is. How long would you be willing to let it carry on? It's so much easier to deal with it when you're younger. The older you get, the more ingrained it becomes. Tell your friends, ask one to come with you so it's harder to back out. But please do it - it's worth whatever effort you put in.

[Narniakid]

Hey qwerty1234, welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out to us.

I am sorry to hear you've been feeling like this for so long. The advice the other two users have given is great and you should really take that into consideration. You need to tell yourself that unless you accept what is happening and make the decision to change, nothing is going to get better. It gets better, but it's up to you, and you've made the first step by coming on here and seeking advice.

Unfortunately, only you can change yourself, but you will need the assistance of a GP or a psychologist and that's perfectly okay. Everyone needs a little bit of help sometimes, and one day when you have gotten through this and become a doctor yourself (which I am sure you are every bit capable of doing), you will get to help people change their lives for the better too.

You can do it!

Crystal

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi qwerty1234,

I see there's already been some great responses here so I'll hold off on mine otherwise I might echo everyone else!

Just a couple of things to add -

healthengine.com.au is a great website to find a GP. Just enter your postcode and hit search. They list all the bulk billing clinics in your area and you can even book online.

as for forcing yourself to go - not a thing. You can't force yourself to go 🙂 But it does sound like you really want to get this sorted which is great incentive, so keep that in mind when you're doubting yourself. A great way is to keep in touch here - if you make it to the appointment, or don't - let us know. We can support you every step of the way and help encourage you to try again.

[finchh]

hey, ive had a similar experience being extremely badly bullied when I was a kid because I didnt fit in and was very quiet. Unless you have experienced bullying I believe you can never truly understand how much it impacts you and the anxiety it causes around people. Ive been struggling with dealing with issues from my childhood for years and ive found that its essential to find something you love doing. as cheesy and stupid as that sounds you need to find satisfaction in something that is not other people so that you always have something to do to distract yourself when you feel anxious and do not have to rely on other people for this especially if a lot of your anxiety is based around negative experiences with other people. This could be music or art or sport whatever makes you forget everything for a while and allows u to express yourself.
with the trouble sleeping listening to music whilst in bed can allow your brain to focus on the words in a song instead of anxious thoughts
Hope every thing gets better soon and definitely follow the advice of the other members in this chat and see a psychologist. It'll be scary at first but its a safe environment where you can say anything to them and they have no bias and won't judge. xx