I'm so tired of life and I'm scared

[mickeyzee]

Hey, I'm a 16 yr old girl in yr 11.

I'm not very open about myself and this is really hard for me but I need some advice.

I've been struggling with my mental health lately (since last year) and have been feeling extremely down over the years. I've broken down so many times in the past month when I never used to. My biggest struggle is my body image. My waistline is 82cm and I've been feeling really bad about it, especially as all my classmates and friends are always complaining about how 'fat' they are and the calories they consume. I'm scared to eat and I've become extremely conscious about my calorie intact and how many I burn however I am also a huge emotional eater and food is part of my culture and my only happy place at the moment which drags me into a vicious cycle. I do exercise daily and am active, eating healthy (except  when I feel horrible, then I eat which has been a lot lately) but my stomach makes me want to lose weight desperately. Due to my classmates and friends negativity (not just about their weight btw) I am hating being at school and dread every day but have to attend most days as it is so hard to miss days during SACE years without falling behind. Due to the extremely high expectations of my grades I put a lot of pressure on myself to do well and feel really stressed to achieve well. I am also struggling with sorting out my emotions over the guy I like and recently found out that one of my closest friends like me and knowing this is hard. He doesn't know I know but he is acting more distant lately since I revealed I still like another guy but I really don't want to lose my friend.
All these emotions and pressure is getting to much for me and I'm starting to scare myself. I've often found myself sitting and wanting to hurt myself so badly but being to scared of pain to. I don't want to open up to my parents because they are going through a lot with dad travelling so much for work and my friends are going through their own battles. I don't know what to do and could really use some advice.
If you read all this thank you so much for listening to me ramble on :]

[Sophie_M]

Hi mickeyzee,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue Forums. We hear how difficult it can be to open and vulnerable about what we're feeling, so posting here shows a great deal of strength.  

It sounds as though you are manging a range of different pressures right now and this can be overwhelming. Particularly we can hear that your body image has been at the front of your mind. An excellent support for body image concerns is The Butterfly Foundation. They can support you through these feelings and are available on  1800 33 4673 or via email or chat services https://butterfly.org.au/

We hear that you have had thoughts of self-harm recently. If you feel unable to keep yourself from acting on these this is an emergency, and you need to call 000 (triple zero).

If you do not need immediate support and are not comfortable to your parents about how you’re feeling, we’d suggest reaching out to Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800). Kids Helpline offers free phone counselling services 24/7 or you could also contact that via email or webchat through their website: https://kidshelpline.com.au/

Thank you for being a part of the community here and for taking such a brave step today. Feel free to continue to reach out here as a space to get out any difficult thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you.

Kind regards,
Sophie M

[Croix]

Dear Mickeyzee~

I'd like to give you a warm greeting here at the support forum. It was a good idea to come here as it sounds as if life is handing you a very hard time at the moment and the experiences and views of others may make tihngs clearer -plus let you know you are not alone..

OK so you have mentioned being very unhappy with your body and eating when upset not helping and neither is the conversations of your friends. Trying to compare yourself with others  or stressing about an exact number of centimeters are both unhelpful and can only make you feel worse.

I'd think that getting assistance to deal wiht this would be a good idea rather than trying to cope alone. The Butterfly Organization can help you deal with these problems and are well worth contacting. You can ring, web-chat or email

Feeling so bad you want to hurt yourself is no way to live, and I'd imagine it comes from body image, pressure to do extra well in your studies and having relationship problems too. Quite a load.

Can I suggest two things as I'd hate for matters to get worse? The first is to contact the Kids Help Line and explain your problems and how you are feeling. They are professional, friendly, do not judge and are very understanding. They also have a lot of experience in all you have been talking about. You cna phone, web-chat or talk wiht others your age wiht similar problems.

It is very hard to seek assistance, fear of being judged, letting control slip out of your fingers, being too embarrassed or simply being afraid. These are all very natural, but unfortunately leave you on your own, struggling wiht matters were a hand can make all the difference.

The fact htere are two specialist organizations to suggest to you indicates your problems are ones others have too -and have taken the step of talking.

I know you were reluctant to say anything to your parents, do you tihnk anyone in your family might understand and give you some support? Even if a person has their own hassles helping someone they care about is natural too.

For a young peron like yourselves to have so much to deal wiht does make me worry about you. If you would like to come back and talk more that would be great

Croix

[Croix]

Dear Mickeyzee~

It looks like Sophie_M and I have much the same thoughts and replied at the same time. As there are  two of us saying the same thing maybe there is something to our suggestions:)

Life does get better

Croix