I'm sick of these feelings and I don't know what to do...help!

[Bannanapeel14]

I am turning 16 in a few weeks and I have been having anxiety ever since I was 12 and I had a fear of brains. It trigged when my grandma firstly passed away from Dementia. Back when I was 12 I had no friends and I was bullied a lot and I hated being lonely. But it got so bad because I was crying all the time and I felt sick and tried with my life, until I managed to push away the feelings from the help of new friends. I grew a little more mature but I got my past feelings back and my local doctor told me that it was anxiety. I started getting attacks and stuff and it scared me... I couldn't sleep and everyone thought I was crazy. My Mum has anxiety but not as bad as me. so I got help and recently just finished the sessions about two days ago. My mum as been making me and telling me on how I am going to get a job and I have been freaking out! I've done work experience. My dad has no idea how to deal with me and my mum has some idea. I started to write my resume and I couldn't find the words to say and my hands were shaking to type. My heart was beating so fast and my head was pounding so much that it hurt. So I was tearing up from the pain. It also didn't help when mum came in yelling at me and everything I said to her she replied with rubbish. I'm so sick and tired with my parents, they are the ones I want to understand and support me the most but they can't. My dad called me pig headed and a spoiled brat and my mum agreed with him. He told me that I'm hiding behind this stupid anxiety and that I can't get a grip. I was so angry because for 4 years I still have no idea what's in my head there are these voices as well. I don't get it, I really wish I could find somebody to help me cause I'm scared and I don't want anxiety anymore!!! I've tried a lot of things but everybody around me tells me to get a grip. Get over myself. All these things are pulling me down and stabbing me. The thing that's hurting me is no one is pulling me back up. No one is at least supporting me. I feel like I'm all alone in this terrifying world and that I don't want to kill myself cause I have already been down that path. I feel like knifes are in my heart and all over my body and my parents think that I have my life the easy way....well why doesn't it feel like it.    

[white knight]

Hi bannanapeel, welcome

Its a tough time being your age. In two years you can vote, have a license etc. But right now you are in between teenage life and adulthood.

Your anxiety is certainly real and its sad your parents refer to it in a negative manner. However, you have to accept also that their love for you is immense even when they say these things. So what the secret to a better life for you?

Work with them not against them. Front them by calling a meeting. Sounds silly eh...not so. Tell them both that you would like to regularly call a meeting with them to ask them questions and tell them your thoughts on things like getting a job and your fears. In effect you would be proving to them you are mature and taking their worries of you seriously. You could have this meeting every week at the same time, no phones, no TV going, no distractions.

Getting a job or even preparing your resume will set off your anxiety but one of the things you need to acknowledge is that you have to keep going through these challenges regardless of your medical condition, we all have to. If I had bowed out everytime I got the shakes I wouldn't have had the 80 jobs in my working life because like you I got nervous. Also accept that there can be reward for effort, receiving money for your labour.

At your meetings with them you can discuss many topics. How to fill out your resume, ask them what to say at interviews, what not to say!, And during these meetings remember- listening is essential. Giving your parents what they yearn for is a good step to solving your issues.

Push through life even while enduring your disorders. Keep pushing. Even if you need an hour or so break then return to your task. Enough time to allow yourself time to relax. I do that all the time.

By the way, a well written post.

Tony WK

[Guest_1055]

Hey bananapeel

You must have been born around Christmas time. Well "happy birthday" to you in a few weeks. Tony White knight is right, you do write very well, you must be good at English.

I am so sorry you were bullied at school, when you were 12, and that you were lonely. I was never really bullied myself, but I was pretty lonely. I didn't know how to make friends at all. It is so good, that you have some friends to help you now.

I am so sorry all your hurt and pain feels like knives in your heart. That can be pretty painful. I wish I could take it all away for you. 

Well I cannot give you any advice, but  wanted to give you a sisterly hug and to let you know that I care about you.

With love

Shelley xxx