I'm scared I'm hitting a new all time low

EmmaDarling · ‎21-03-2021

Hello,

I'm not exactly sure how to start this so I'm just going to get into it. (when I was 13 I was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression)

I was 13 when I first really asked for help though my issues started when I was 12, my grades were dropping (I always had near-perfect grades and school was easy for me), I started getting anxious around people including my friends and started to dread even the thought of seeing people if I didn't have too. I started seeing the middle school counselor and she was a pretty good person to talk to but I just kept getting worse to the point she had to call my parents out of worry for my safety which upset me at the time but now looking back on it I'm forever thankful that she did.

I then had an appointment with my GP about a referral to a psychologist and a possible diagnosis which went well. I had a blood test to see if I had a hyperactive Thyroid problem that could be solved with medication but the results came back and everything showed up normal

I was seeing my Psychologist once a fortnight but no progress was made and I got worse to the point I was having 1-2 hour panic attacks in the car every morning which always ended up with my mum bring me home because I just physically couldn't get out of the car no matter how much I wanted to be able to go. around this time I also started to have visual and audible Hallucinations due to anxiety and I was at my lowest low. Life-threatening thoughts were just a daily thing for me and I could never bring myself to get out of bed, let alone do anything.

I stopped seeing the psychologist and was referred to a psychiatrist where I got the diagnosis. I saw her once a week for about a year and she was amazing, I improved a lot whilst having appointments with her. I was enrolled in an online school so I can still get my education whilst staying at home. As the year went by and I kept seeing her, my grades improved, My anxiety became more manageable and I felt happy again! But, she retired and I haven't been able to see any other doctor since.

I have only handed up 1 school assignment these past 2 months and I feel so horrid. I've lied to my mum about it because I don't want to disappoint her and honestly, myself as well. I know mental health is full of ups and downs but I'm so terrified of going back to my lowest point that I'm lying to myself and others just to pretend that's not where I'm headed. I'm scared to tell my mum the truth and I don't know what to do anymore.

white knight · ‎21-03-2021

Hi, welcome

We should never be scared of the truth. When you tell your mother the truth and she gets angry or just disappointed, tell her you want to be truthful to her and telling the truth shouldnt result in such a reaction.

Your post is well written but I dont know your age now, I'll assume around 16yo.

When we have a retired psych or they leave, we should follow up finding another psych. Sometimes going from one to another helps because we get a different view from the next one and so forth.

Another thing, you might not realise this but our brain sometimes plays tricks on us. If, while being driven to school you were thinking about say, a computer game or a pet you played with then you might not be so anxious when you arrived. This we call distraction. The more you do it the better it gets. Also, sometimes we tend to take the easy route eg its easier to tell a lie than to face the music. Part of being an adult is to stop that tendency so try to embrace the more difficult road as part of you maturing.

I hope you realise that a lot of this trauma is temporary and soon you'll look back and realise you've come a long way but you might need to accept that you are not as bubbly as others your age. That's ok, you are you, you are not them. Just keep trying eh.

Thankyou for writing in. Repost anytime. Other might respond soon.

TonyWK

Sophie_M · ‎21-03-2021

Hi EmmaDarling,

Welcome to our valued online community, and thank you for reaching out here. It's great to see members of our community already coming to welcome you and offer some sage advice.

It sounds like you've come through a lot. We want you to know that we think you're a strong person - you've shown yourself in the past that you are capable of moving through the 'mental health ups and downs' when you have the right support, and we all need support sometimes. We're so sorry to hear that you're feeling horrid at the moment. It can be hard to admit something difficult to our loved ones and ask for help - sometimes it can be more difficult the more we need it.

You might feel like getting in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. You can get in contact with them 24/7. The counsellors give great support and advice if you feel like you need to have a conversation with someone about it before you feel more read to share with your mum what you're feeling and where you're at right now.

Thank you so much again for reaching out here today. We hope that you feel better for having shared here - please know that you're not alone in this and you are always welcome to come here and let us know how you've been going.