I'm lost and I'm nearly giving up.

[Bluee1]

Hey Everyone,

I just wanted to share on whats happening on my life right now and I hope anyone can give me their opinions on how I can cope with things :(( I recently had a blew up with my parents coz we really don't get along as much. Its been almost 1 and a half year since things has been going on and it never really stopped. I felt that they were always on my back and I couldn't do and make my own decisions and if whenever I did all I could hear them say was "you're so immature and u can't even be an adult" and whenever I hear those words it makes me soo angry and I shut off really quickly (that I don't take in whataver they say after that). I went to a school counselor and told them how I felt and everything. and when my parents found out that I was going their, they got really angry and called the counselor and asked what "lies" I've been telling. I then got told by my parents that I am an "irresponsible person, immature and babyish" coz I can't take responsibility of my own mistakes and have to go to the school counselor. They even said that I am"mentally disabled". 

My dad called my boyfriend. My parents thought that I loved him more than anyone, I don't know what they have talked about but he then broke up with me coz of my family issues and he said he is willing to stick it out there after it all gets fixed. And I'm scared that its just a lie or he's just giving me hopes so that I don't feel down. I really don't know how to fix all these problems and I'm trying to figure it all out but the angles are confusing me, I'm getting lost on what position do I start and where do I stand to everyone of these people. 

I have to boost my marks up, I have to get closer to my parents and I want to gain him back. and Its all killing me coz I think its very impossible to gets this fixed :(( and I'm ready to just lay back and surrender.

Help anyone?? :((

[pockets4health]

Hey Bluee

Firstly, thanks for coming on here. Sometimes it takes courage to ask for help. I'm sorry to hear about everything that's going on with you - when it rains it really does pour. 

Sometimes it can be difficult with parents, they can sometimes think they're doing what's best for you but it isn't what you actually need. I think it was really big of you to see your school counsellor and I hope that you will continue to see her as I think she may be able to help you and your family work through this. 

Every family has it's own issues and sometimes your parents don't understand how you feel and vice versa. I think it might be a good idea to sit down and talk to them and tell them how you feel about everything the way you've told me today. May be they don't realise the impact they're having on you, particularly because you tend to shut off when you get upset. I used to shut off with my parents too, especially my mum and it has taken me years to get to a place with her where I can finally be honest and open about who I am and how I feel. Being honest is hard, particularly when it makes you angry and causes conflict but the key thing here is to appreciate that you love and care for each other and start there. If you are finding it hard to communicate with them - maybe you can write them a letter? Or write it down and read it aloud?

To be completely honest, I'm not sure there is going to be a way to fix all of these issues at once but I definitely think there will be a way to GROW from them. These relationships can change and become better versions of what they once were. It will take time but you can achieve everything that you want but it isn't going to happen all at once. Start small, with your family and with time I'm sure everything is going to fall into place.

Just you watch!

Keep your head up Bluee 

V

[Doolhof]

Hi Bluee

Thanks for sharing your story here at Beyond Blue. I hope others here in the community are able to provide you with more support and advice.

I would like to encourage you to return to the school counsellor. Tell him or her what has been happening with your parents and ask the counsellor if they can arrange a joint meeting with your parents.

I think it might be tough trying to chat to your parents by yourself, so having a helpful person there will be of great benefit.

Do you have a Dr. you can chat with about all of this as well? They may be able to suggest further help for you.

I have no idea what region you are in, so maybe check out the phone listings near you and see what phone help there is in your area like Life Line or the Beyond Blue phone help people will be bale to advise you on where to get further help as well.

Relationships between parents and children can be tough. I am not a parent but I was certainly a teenager who didn't understand my parents too well!

Maybe even ask your boyfriend if he can attend a session with you at the counsellors. See what happens there.

Hope some of this helps and you find some solutions. Keep searching until you do!

From Lauren

[Narniakid]

Hi Bluee:)) and welcome to BB, thank you for sharing!

It sounds like what you are really lacking is a solid support network - in an ideal world, our family is our main support, however that's not always the case, especially in those teenage years. I'm not saying your parents don't care about you, because I'm sure they do, but I think they don't understand the feelings you're experiencing, and so in their frustration, they lash out at you. 

Perhaps if you can sit down with them and go through some of the resources for carers of depression sufferers here on BB, they might be able to grasp a better understanding of what you're going through. Be open and honest with them, let them know that you'd like them to be there for you and support you. 

As for your boyfriend, I suggest you do the same, however, if he isn't willing to stick it through with you during this tough time, then maybe he isn't worthy of your heart - just something to consider. 

Continue seeing your school councellor, and consider making an appointment with your GP, and they will be able to provide you with a number of different treatments, both therapeutic and medicated. 

Remember that there is so much help avaliable, and the hotline is always willing to listen. Negative thoughts are just reactions to fear, and confidence grows from taking action. Good luck!

Crystal 

[Bluee1]

Thanks everyone. I've just had a talk with my parents. and I'm willing to start things over with them. I want to turn thing around slowly, and I hope it will turn out as I was hoping it would.

I'm just scared that this guy (my boyfriend) doesn't really mean what he says but he sticked around for a year with me during this tough time. It's only that he gave up this time. :(( I'm scared on how I would feel if he doesn't mean what he says.

[Felicity308]

Hi Blue,

Thanks for sharing your story. I just want to say that I think you made a really brave decision to go and speak to the school counselor because it’s a hard first step to take.  

I went through a period of huge fights with my parents because they really just didn’t understand the way that I was feeling. Even though they thought they were helping me they were actually just adding to my problems.  

I think it’s really great that you have had a chat with your parents and are working to turn things around. Keep in mind though that things may take a little while to get to where you want them so it could be a good idea to continue seeing the school counselor or even a psychologist outside of school with your parents just to keep things on track and keep the communication open.  

Regarding the boy you’re worried about, I agree with Lauren, it would probably be good if he could come to a session with your counselor. It’s a hard situation because you may not realize the full effect your tough time has had on him. Equally, breakups can be really really hard but if he’s not able to support you at your worst then maybe he doesn’t deserve you at your best. I think it’s definitely a good idea to make sure you have as much support as you can get while you’re working things out with him. If you have some close friends that you trust make sure you keep spending time with them even when you’re down, Life Line and Beyond Blue are a really great support and think about seeing a psychologist outside of school.  

Everything may not be fixed yet but you’ve made seriously good progress so don’t forget how well you’re doing!