I'm feeling really down and insignificant most to all of the time?

[starrynight18]

Ok, I've never done something quite like this before, so here goes...

I'm a 16 year old guy who currently does school online. I used to attend a private school, but unfortunately suffered a lot of seperation anxiety up until age 13. It eventually died down, but I later developed and was diagnosed with social anxiety/phobia. I was so worked up I eventually refused to go to school entirely out of fear others would judge me, would watch me. I was constantly on guard, waiting for my next moment of panic. I'd dread each and every lesson, simply because of the name-call at the beginning of the class. I wouldn't eat in front of people and was very shy.

After I left, I felt so embarrassed I'd succumbed to anxiety that I kinda shut down. As a result, my straight A's have plumetted and, for the first time in forever, I can't seem to make the effort to fix this. I worry about it frequently, but can't muster the energy to correct my problems.

I instead lie in bed, sulk, mope and cry; I skip my lessons and every time I sit down to do my work I just weep. I immediatly think it's too much and that the reason I've fallen behind is because I'm stupid, and that my dreams of going to Uni are over. I honestly feel so useless, and am carrying this constant heaviness every where I go. I feel so helpless, like I'm trapped and every time I see my work or join lesson I'm being taunted, reminded of just how far behind I've fallen and how pointless it is to try and catch up.

I've worn the same clothes for three weeks (I barely change), don't have much time to eat because of the stress and desperate feeling and spend a lot of time pacing or in bed sulking. I feel extremely insignificant, and that my efforts and me as a person are nothing.

My parents think I'm lazy and am not trying hard enough. I'm embarassed to tell people how sad I'm feeling. I feel like I'm being dramatic just mentioning the words 'depressed' or 'depression' to myself, as others seem to think so. Nothing in my life has ever really gone wrong for me other than my recent anxiety problems, so I don't quite understand why I'm so sad. I'm very lonely.

I don't know if I have depression or not. It's lasted for a couple months now, and has really begun to get worse in recent times. All I want is to smile again, and no longer feel so desperate and sad, and hopeless and guilty.

If anybody has any advice, it'd be much appreciated. 🙂

[white knight]

Hi starrynight, welcome

We cannot diagnose however I strongly recommend these steps

Go to your doctor as soon as possible. Tell him/her everything you've said here. Print it out so you don't forget a word.

Sit down with your parents and tell them you likely, pending a proper diagnosis, suffer from depression, show them my reply here if it helps. You need their help to pick you up but not their chastising. But its normal fir them to be frustrated so understanding goes both ways.

Read the hundreds of threads here on depression and anxiety...get to know the symptoms, the illness, the common denominators.

Be realistic in your thoughts. You are not stupid, you know you aren't so don't entertain such ideas.

Endurance suffers with depression. Having a mental illness means you might have to postpone schooling then return to it. That's not the end of the world. Machines need maintenance and rest. So do we.

Please don't underestimate the positive effects if therapy and medication.

Once well you then have the ability to tackle the world. But you are unwell now so you need to get yourself fixed so don't feel guilty. Its not your fault.

Tony WK

[Dr_Kim]

Hi, I am so pleased to be able to talk to you and I really hope that you are able to really listen to what I am going to say. Starrynight18, you need to get some relief . I am a doctor and a mental health expert and without a doubt I can tell you…

1. You have mental health problems and it is probably a mixture of depression, anxiety, social phobia and panic disorder but is not important what the labels are right now .. the main issue is you are not coping in your life ( as in not changing your clothes, not eating and not studying ) and so it means you need help. You are young and no one expects you to sort it all out yourself! Thats why we have youth mental health services, places like Headspace .. to help young people sort things out as we don’t expect you to do it all alone. Im not sure what your parents can’t really understand your distress at the moment , but its important to get the help either with them or with out them. Try again to explain that this is serious and might seem like laziness or just needing to “pull your socks up” but this is nothing like that.

Problems like Anxiety or Depression are things that people experience that are often partly genetic, so I suspect some of these things may even run in your family somewhere .. It not your “fault” you have these . Nobody wants them . They are not something anybody would want ! Am I right??

2. These conditions are treatable !! Please don’t suffer any longer than you have to . Whilst you have them untreated , they are robbing you pf precious time - time to study, time to develop friendships and interests .. so it is time to get tough with them.

3. Take things in steps… You have taken the first by writing this post . The next might be researching and downloading information on your possible conditions. Look at Beyond Blue , Black Dog or Headspace websites. Try and get an adult to stand by you, a parent, a relative, a trusted family friend. Then maybe ring a help line eg . eHeadspace or kidshelpline . Then get to see someone face to face .. a GP is a good start . Ask them for an assessment and a referral to a psychologist. You may also need a support group . Look at things like Open Ground or Check out the Black dog website for ideas in your area.

Please start your journey back to good health as soon as you can . Don’t loose hope . The possibility of happiness and a great life awaits you! There are plenty of options available to help young people to get back into education. However, face your anxiety demons first .. Its a hard road, but one that has been walked before . Let a good health professional guide you.