I'm a borderline misanthrope?

[emiveritas]

I just think that with people it's all take and no give, you know?

I was once involved with this community of young people, and I was liked and popular. Long story short, I met a girl I loved and everything that happened lead to an emotional and mental breakdown. She used to barely speak to me, and she almost never saw me unless there was sex involved. It really, deeply shook me, because she was such a nice girl to everyone else, but to her I was an annoying burden. It really upset me. So I fell into depression, and had a breakdown because I was so tired of everything. A few people helped me and talked to me, but most people said I was seeking attention and left. It was my fault because I was posting things on Facebook, but I wanted to know if people were still there, if people still cared. I got sick of the tension so I left, now I'm hearing that people are talking behind my back. After all I have that community, after all I helped them, and they do that to me?! I have a feeling I was not respected there ... I was on a forum where I said hello to everyone, interacted with everyone, made them feel welcome .... Everyone else got custom user titles, I got nada. Everyone else got recognized for their contributions, I got nada. It really hurt.

To add insult to injury, the girl I loved was my best friend. She then goes and gets a NEW best friend, even after everything I did for her - all the parties I threw in

my name, all the money I have her, all the times I sat talking to her about her problems, and she just ditches me. It wasn't fair ... Ever since I was five I wanted a best friend. What, was I not good enough?!

And now I'm close to giving up on people. Their lies, their deceit, their manipulation. After all I do to help and I

get no credit. Well stuff them. Stuff everyone. I guess I wasn't meant to have a decent life with decent friends, but it's not asking for much!

[Neil_1]

Hi there emiveritas, and welcome back to Beyond Blue

The community that you first mentioned sounded like a good one and that it was good for you as well. The relationship that you speak of, sounded like it was quite a rocky one (possibly on her side of things) and with such things, it’s so difficult, especially if that particular person is still mixing with the same group of people.  Because you see them interacting with others – potentially like she interacted with you once – but because you’ve had a relationship, and a breakdown of that, then it’s so so difficult for things to be ever like they were.  So you experience that and all the while, you see her getting along with others – which is a massive wedge being driven into your heart and splitting it in two.

Emiveritas, I’ve said this on other threads, but I would just like to say this again to you – totally my opinion (although I have heard others who have the same opinion as me on this) and that is this social media thing (facebook, twitter and all that crap) – to me, it’s all very toxic. 

Sure I can understand where some people find it useful and enjoyable – but for the most part, it can be a very evil tool/weapon in really hurting people psychologically.   So yes, in the hands of people who get off on teasing or bullying, these social media sites are just their ideal haven where they can go about and prey on others, all from the safety of sitting behind their keyboard.  They can unfriend you, they put stuff on their site that can relate to you, in bad ways or potentially say stuff about other people, which will affect you.  You know I’m pretty much guessing with most of this, as I’ve never used it – I’ve seen it fleetingly, but I’m getting all the stuff I’ve mentioned above from others who do use it.

Call me old and archaic, but give me the days when I was growing up in the 70’s – no computers, no ipads, pods, touch screen, facebook, mobile phones, etc – none of that.

The worst thing that could happen in those days was idiot people who would phone up and not say a thing – or just wait for a while, laugh and then hang up.  After a while, we fixed ‘em though (and obviously never found out who they were), but we bought a referee whistle – so when these tools phoned up again, you give the old whistle one hell of a blow – then we’d hang up with a smile on our faces.  And you know, they stopped phoning up after that. 🙂  Ahhhhh, good times.

May I please ask though, that if you left, how are hearing that people are talking behind your back?   Also something must have changed as well – as you say that you weren’t respected there, but up front you said that you were popular and well liked.  

Can I just ask as well about your ‘best’ friend, who indeed was the girl that you were in love with – she was the one that ended your relationship, yeah??    And she has since moved on to find herself a new boyfriend, is that right??  If she was your girlfriend AND best friend, then that is truly special – but having both of those in the one package can lead to danger, as you’ve unfortunately experienced.

I don’t know if this post has helped you out at all – it probably hasn’t, but I did just want to reply to you, and I do hope you are able to get back to us as well.

 Kind regards

Neil

[white knight]

Dear Emiveritas,   welcome to BB

Oh boy, what a cord you have struck with me on this.  Word for word your post could have come out of my mouth. My situation occured last year and early this year and I have rectified it- almost.

Firstly a big lessen for me was Facebook and how I used it. I vented my frustration on it, questioned my 'friends' actions or silence on it, their morals and their commitment.  It wasnt long before friends talk to friends and you are ostricised.  Mob mentality. Two faced people messaging each other. Once that happens its nigh impossible to get them back. But I had to question whether they were real friends or not.  If they werent they were defriended all 150 of them. That left me 45.  A managable number of family and close friends that were worth effort to keep. A further 10 went over time.  But then I picked up several more that messaged me and asked me why I defriended them and their answer to my answer justified a further go.  It worked for me. I also blocked toxic people. A good move too.

Friends will come and go throughout your life.  My school buddy for 40 years disappeared when he met his new wife. Gone! I've written, spoken on the phone etc....all seems good but there is no contact from him to me. Its sad.

As far as helping others is concerned I wouldnt give up on that.  Dont let a few gathering gossipers spoil your good heart.  Never let anyone alter your direction. You've learnt lessens from this, try to tackle things a little differently next time. You made mistakes how small they be....it proves you are human.

Just dont wait for apologies from some.  You'll be waiting a while.  Try to move on.You deserve a better quality of person to be your friend. Life is so damn short to allow some to occupy space in your mind rent free... good luck