I just don't know

[JaneyP]

Hello all.

I've been battling these feelings for a very, very long time. I don't like to show people emotions of any sort so it's been super hard for me to express myself to family or friends. I feel like I have no one to confide in around me and it makes things worse. On the exterior I'm this super happy, never sad chick. But I feel the complete opposite inside me and no one around me has a clue. I know that's my own fault for not telling anyone, but it's just too hard for me. I don't want anyone to know.

That's why I'm reaching out on here, I need help, I need advice, I just need people to talk to that aren't going to judge me, laugh at me or shut me down.

I'm always so tired and unenergised. I just want it all to change, I want to get better, I want to feel the way I used to, I want to be back to my old self, 3 years ago. I just want it all to stop, all the feelings of sadness, loneliness and depression.

Thank You for listening, I appreciate it.

[White_Rose]

Dear Janey

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. This is a huge step for you to take and I congratulate you on reaching out here. You sound very unhappy and I would like to help as much as I can. May I ask your age and if you are at school or uni? It's not desperately important, just helps to know where you are in your journey and how best to help you.

It's a favourite trick of the black dog, AKA depression, to stop us showing our feelings and not talk to our families and friends. So talk to us here. You are anonymous and this is a safe place to talk. I have always found it helps to write down how I feel and what sort of things upset me.

Do you have a notebook or similar? Write in the upsetting things but also those things that make you feel happy. There may be fewer of the latter but some good things happen in our lives. Write in here and talk about your day, who you talked to and how you felt. what was good about the day and which things do you want to do again.

While it's good to write here, and I do hope you will do so, there is another organisation which may have other resources to offer you. This is the Kids Help Line. It is for people up to the age of 25. They have a 24/7 phone line if you want to talk to someone at any time. It's 1800 55 1800. You can visit their web site at www.kidshelpline.com.au Of course you can always talk to the lovely people here at BB. The number is 1300 22 4636 and is also available 24/7.

Being depressed makes feel constantly tired. I'm not at all sure where our energy goes. How is your diet? I have been noticing that when I stop eating those things I should eat and eat more of the not-so-good stuff, my mood will take a nosedive. The sweet stuff is so tempting and addictive that it's rather a let down to eat fruit and vegetables.

I'm glad you want to get better. That is the most important part part of this battle. Come and talk here as much as you wish. People will always be here.

Mary

[blondguy]

Hello Janey

Mary's advice is spoken from the heart and excellent. I know what its like to be super happy and confident on the outside when you feel anything but otherwise on the inside...

I just wanted to say thankyou for posting on the forums. You are a strong and self aware person for doing so.

I really admire your pro-active and courageous attitude Janey

My Kind Thoughts for You

Paul

[JaneyP]

Thank you so much Mary and Paul.

I just feel so alone here and I'm glad I have this way of being open to start off with.

Mary, I am 21 years old and I am not studying anything at the moment.

I'm working full time which is a struggle most days to even get out of bed. I've been feeling this way for far too long and I want to be like everyone else my age and not have to worry about any of this.

The black dog is chasing me 24/7 and I feel like it's never going to stop. I try to be positive, all the time. But I feel as though that happy outside of me is starting to go as well.

I'm hoping writing here helps me enough to seek further help, but for now, this is all I feel comfortable with doing.

Thank you, Janey.

[White_Rose]

Hello Janey

Good to hear from you and that you feel comfortable writing here. I hope you will continue to do so we can support you.

If you are happy writing your thoughts, do you think you could write on BB chatline? This is a real time email conversation, so if you have between 3:00 pm and midnight and you feel up writing, the chatline may be useful to you. It's nice to get an immediate response to your writing, which unfortunately this forum does not allow. It's just too big to allow this. But whether or not you use the chatline I will be here to talk.

Perhaps we can figure out a way to make the dog walk to heel.

Mary

[JaneyP]

Hi Mary,

I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to reply to me. It means a lot !
I feel super comfortable expressing myself here and hopefully it helps me of some sort. It also helps to read the other forums and posts and see the advice people have given them.

I am not sure what the BB chatline is but I definitely will look at it and give it a go. I'm up for anything that will help me at the moment as I'm ready to make myself better 🙂
Thank you so much Mary.

Janey x

[White_Rose]

Janey

Scroll to the bottom of the page, left side, and click on Chat online in the red box. Then follow the prompts. I think you will find this helpful.

Great to read how positive you feel. I am hoping you will soon find the courage to see your GP but meanwhile, back at the camp, as they say, come and chat here.

What is your job? I know the struggle to get out of bed. I thoroughly enjoyed my job and when I was at work it was great. Part of that was because it took my mind off me, I really enjoyed my work. This made it more incomprehensible that I couldn't get out of bed. Depression is a powerful deterrent.

Having the determination to get up in the morning and go to work tells me you are a strong person. The other side of being strong is that you struggle to too long on your own. There comes a time when you must ask for help. You are not yet to do, but do keep this in mind. People do recover from depression on their own, but it's a huge journey and takes longer than making that journey with help. OK, preaching over for today.

Reading other threads and posts can be helpful. We are all broken and struggling to become whole. When you find tips that work for you it feels wonderful. Many people find it helpful to join in these threads and talk to others. Just sharing experiences makes people realise they are not alone in their struggles. I have always found this reassuring. When we feel so dreadful it's nice to know you are not a strange creature, that others have been where you now are.

Keep chatting.

Mary

[blondguy]

Hi Janey

Thanks for posting back and letting us know how you are going. It is great that you are super comfortable writing on the forums..

If I may ask you....how are you sleeping? The quality of our sleep can have a impact on how we feel the next day.

Great to see you Janey

My Kind Thoughts for You

Paul

[JaneyP]

Hello Mary and Paul,

Mary I work as a child are educator, and I used to absolutely love coming to work and spending my days with the children. But now I find myself dreading work, wanting to call in sick, and not joining in experiences with the children as often as I should.

I want to get back to that place of loving my job because it is so rewarding at the best of times. I want to have fun with the children again and enjoy every day.

And Paul, I haven't been sleeping well for a few years. I fall asleep super easy but I wake up 3-6 times during the night. It is a very restless sleep and I never feel fully refreshed in the mornings. This is part of the reason I never want to get out of bed, because I just don't feel energised or well rested enough.

Thank you, Janey x

[Mal50]

Hi JaneyP, you've taken the right step by posting on this forum. You'll get good helpful advice, and nobody will judge you or laugh at you. *thumbs up*