Hi blank, welcome here
Your post reminds me of an ants nest. In that, say a hundred ants are in one cavity working away and one ant fails to achieve any satisfaction from that place for whatever reason. He falls into depression and feels he cannot reach the level he is capable of and all other ants are successful. His world crashes down around him.
Yet, the bigger picture is missed. There are thousands of other parts of the ants nest he hasn't ventured yet. There are experiences way beyond his comprehension. It's his world only that has caused him to dread.
I picked up a hitchhiker many years ago. During our long drive from Melbourne to Adelaide he told me he had just left his wife and two children. She had an affair and it rocked him. the marriage was over. He was really down, low as one could go and he burst into tears. When I dropped him off in Adelaide we kept in touch. 6 months later I rang him. He told me he never felt happier as he had a job on a large sheep station as a cook and had a new girlfriend. He also secured visitations with his children and they fly up regularly to visit him.
What that told me was that a change of course can mean a great deal. A disgruntled nurse that underwent a heap of study to get qualified found she could not perform the horrible side to the job. So she studied to become a teacher.
As for having new years resolutions it isn't advisable. Things change, you really need to make alterations on the go and your expectations of yourself must be realistic. Eg "I am going to finish my degree this year in automotive engineering and get a job. Sounds good eh. What if you had a grandparent that passed away? or a realization you had depression? or you graduated but the motor industry of which you studied closed down. What about all the automotive engineering graduates that wanted work and now the 3 largest motor manufacturers have closed in Australia? What happened to their new years resolutions?
So our dreams must be like plasticene to be moulded as we grow. Try not to be so hard on yourself.
By the way. I am a positive thinker but I'm not unrealistic with my expectations. Baby steps and changes in direction aren't always a bad thing.
Here are a few threads you can google
Topic: motivation, search and rescue it- beyondblue
Topic: Planning a healthier mind- beyondblue
Topic: Being positive, whats the secret?- beyondblue
Good luck
Tony WK
