At this point in my life where I am constantly tired and unmotivated.
Finished uni last year with my degree, grades were average due to health complications. Spent 14 months looking for work, had over 30 interviews, keep getting told that I don't fit. Went for a prestigious job, beat 99% of the applicants on the testing, had a good interview, didn't get the job because "You would not fit in our organisation". This has destroyed my confidence, my motivation and my drive to improve and do activities that I used to enjoy.
Got my first full-time job 6 months ago, already in a leadership position. The money is garbage, I could care less about the industry and only took the job due to not having any other choice. I just don't fit, I refuse to conform and have zero tolerance for bullshit. I literally do nothing on the weekends, my hobbies bore me and I don't have much of a social circle. I would say I'm a misanthrope and just can't stand modern people.
No relationships too speak off and being extremely conservative in my behaviour (due to my negative health in my childhood), I don't really mix with most people my age.
I am thinking about doing another course but at the same time, what is the point? What is the point of spending money to learn skills and improve your knowledge when you can be dismissed so easily? What is the point of earning money if it is just going to be taxed from you anyway? Even if you make decent money, what is there to buy?
A co-worker that I am training had a conversation with me yesterday regarding this. He asked me why I wasn't in another job such as finance or banking or whatever other things I seem to be knowledgeable about and I told him it wasn't due to a lack of trying. I would like to learn to paint or code or learn new languages but I just don't see the point. Maybe it is silly to seek that all things I do, need to make some return on my initial investment, whether it is career progress or financial gain but I feel stuck now that I cannot make progress in that direction.
How do I fit in when my very core personality is anti-conformity and completely individualistic? I don't want to fit in but this is impending my career progress and my job opportunities. I don't think it would be a good idea to pretend because that is only going to make me more dissatisfied with life.
I have been wanting to write a book for a long time, but again, what is the point? It is not like I am going to achieve anything with it.
