I Hate Myself

[Anonymous101A]

Im beginning to have serious issues. I feel so angry and upset all the time and im having panic attacks more than usual and i have never felt so ad about myself in a long time. I have put on a smile everyday and every now and then tell a friend a lie and Make it look like somethings made me upset to make it seems asthough there isnt anything else happening, i feel like a freak and idont eant people to know. Im having serious issues with my mother as i no longer live with her and she hadnt been contacting me for six months and then ouT of the blue decided she wants something to do with me, i have no idea what to do anymore...

[white knight]

Hi Anon,  welcome here

Parents have a permanent bond with their child. When there is a crisis in the family and the family splits, over time the topic of dispute drifts away and the grief starts. Your mum is now grieving for you. So ther eis a reason why there was a delay in contacting you.

I can say with all confidence that you will slowly like yourself as you grow from now into your 20's. Especially when you realise that the bad/nasty  characters are out there and you are so much more a better person than them. That will sway you to think..."mmmm, I'm not so bad after all".

If at all possible try to have some sort of relationship with your mum. It might be to see her once a month for dinner or lunch. You might need to put boundaries in place for it to work. At your age seeing your mum a little bit is better than not at all. One day, she just might end up one of your best friends.

Tony  WK

[shad0wings]

Hi anon!

Have you tried talking to your close friends about it? I have no doubt they have noticed changes in you and are probably worried! Maybe try confiding with who you are living with at the moment?

Try to see a doctor or counsellor if you can, it will make you feel better 🙂

And trust me, I used to do the same thing, I tried acting like everything was normal to try and fit in. I realised I couldn't do it forever, and I ended up telling my friends and they respected me even more for my strength and well, they loved me even more. 

Talking with your mum in small doses and building that relationship again is a good thing for you, just be as strong as you can! 

You've already come on beyondblue and asked us, that takes a lot of courage! 

~ taylor

[Narniakid]

Hi Anon!

I am sorry to hear you are having such a rough time, but I applaud you on recognising your problem and coming here for advice. The first step to recovery is acknowledging your issue and accepting them.

Are you seeing a councellor or psychologist? The first advice I give everyone is to take a trip to your GP so you can get a proper and accurate diagnosis, and they'll be able to refer you to the appropriate specialist. I cannot stress enough how important and effective professional help is.

Don't be afraid to tell your friends that you're having a tough time. If they are truely your friends, they will be supportive and understanding, and respect your strength. If not, they're clearly not worth your time, and will only cause more anxiety, so cut them out of your life. A solid support network is so important, so also consider bonding with your mother as she reaches out to you.

Have a read of the info regarding depression and anxiety here on the website, and don't hesitate to call the hotline if you're feeling extremely anxious and helpless.

Most importantly, don't give up - you won't feel like this forever!

Crystal 

[geoff]

dear Anon, hi and it's great for you to post a comment which can be really difficult, but now you have so that's good.

Can I say that in your comment there is a lot of hidden secrets, and I don't blame you for doing this, as you were maybe apprehensive on what people would say back to you, so I hope that you can trust us all.

Could it be possible that your mum was upset about you leaving and then became cross with you, but now she wants to reunite the relationship once again, because she has been missing you.

I hope that this is the case.

The people who you associate with, if this is still the case, then not all of them need to know, because there must one or two that you feel close to, and perhaps these were the ones that have seen you change.

Please remember that no one would ever ask for depression, it's an illness that we can't avoid, if it so desires to fall upon us, but now this is where you need help, and your only young so if you can learn on how to control it at your age is definitely a feather under your cap, so please get back to us. Geoff.