Well here we go, my third post on Beyond blue. I've told a present situation, the story that got me here, guess it's time for how depression affects me daily.
You know, as I'm writing this, it feels harder to write about than the abuse, but here we go. I don't really know a life without depression, a day where I hide behind a video game or a story, to get away from my own feelings, a day where I don't think about everything bad. I don't remember the last time I was able to sleep without a good hour or two just thinking to myself about how bad everything is. To me, there is no such thing as a good day, just bad days, and neutral days. Day by day throwing a fake smile so as not to attract more attention than I can handle. It's so hard to understand, how three hours of social activity, or family event, can be more exhausting than a full days physical labor. How sometimes getting the motivation to do simple things like eat, or bathe, or go shopping, seems like a simply impossible task. How sometimes you want to talk about everything, yet not talk to anyone at the same time. Wanting someone to understand yet lying and saying I'm okay when they ask. I'm sure all of this is familiar to some people, but I felt I needed to talk about it anyway, putting words to this feeling was difficult.
My original posts for those interested were titled I never knew christmas cykd be so rough, and i guess this is my life story.
