I feel like I’ve wasted my youth

[Lascrea]

Hi

I’m 19 years old, in 4th year of university and for the nth time, I’m feeling sorry for myself and how my life has gone by so far.

I know I’m still young and my youth is not over yet, but there was so much I wanted to and assumed I would do in my teen years, and now that it’s just a few months from being over, I reflect back and see a childhood and adolescence spent being the “perfect child” and “focusing on the future”. I’ve always accepted that school and future career are all that matters and any other activities and relationships are a waste of time that can be done better and be more fruitful in adulthood and thus, until end of high school I spent every free minute studying beyond the curriculum or practicing piano, being unimpressed by my peers talking about using Tinder or going to parties. I never got to have a best friend or group of friends with whom I’d have sleepovers and adventures.

Once I started uni, I did the same, putting no effort into making friends because every second is one I could spend studying. I did much more than I had to but I was proud of my work then.

I assumed skipping two years of school would mean I’d be way ahead and have more leeway in the future, and didn’t see any problem since I’d always been mature for my age. But, now I realise this has forced me to deal with problems for adolescents going through puberty together with problems of the real world. In 2.5 years I’ll graduate and be a doctor - it’s just non-stop from here.

I’ve never felt strong feelings for any guy, never felt a selfless love in a beautiful and strong relationship. Hell, I’ve never even truly liked someone and I doubt I ever will. I’ve tried to fake it, convince myself I’m into a guy, but it never worked. I think marriage is just when you get to a certain age and just settle with someone who’s just good enough, but I always wanted to experience the “love” that everyone romanticises. I have no time to meet anyone, and never will. I never had the chance to because I was focused on the one single aspect of my life this whole time.

I’ve missed the opportunity for young, innocent love and am entering a new age where motives for dating will not be pure. I spent nearly 20 years looking down on and being afraid of everything that makes youth YOUTH, and now it’s too late.

But hey, at least I’ll be a doctor right? Even though I no longer view success the same way I did four years ago...

[geoff]

Hello Lascrea, and a warm welcome.

Don't be so hard on yourself because throughout our life we are option looking for success, riding our new bike as a child, then getting our car licence etc., the list goes on with an immense amount of different achievements and some we may have to try a couple of times.

In 2.5 years you'll be a doctor, a fantastic accomplishment, a feat to prepare you for life and if you asked somebody your age if they wanted to change positions, then you'll know the situation you are in.

The first relationship I was in was at 19 years old, the lady I married for 25 years, so you can't compare yourself to what other people your age are doing.

Meeting and falling in love doesn't happen as you would hope it does, but it isn't difficult, if two people go out of their way to see each other and are able to hold a conversation which is entertaining then a connection maybe formed.

Having a dog and walking it or take it to training school, you maybe able to connect with other people is only one suggestiion.

Take your time, there are no rules to say that you need to be in a relationship by any age, do what you want to do first and it will just develop.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[leesy_lou]

Hi Lascrea,

Thank-you for your honest and insightful post, I'd be lying if I didn't say I heard myself in your words. I think your story probably resinated with alot more people than you think, you just have the courage and beautiful writing skills to express it. I regret things from my past but interestingly from the opposite point of view. As humans we have a tendency to want what we don't have, thats normal. I partied too much, was not focused enough on my studies and took school for granted and now I'm 28, still at university hence quite poor, while I have friends who are successful, rich, marriage and have children. It's a hard pill to swallow and one I cant change. But you know what, we were kids, it was impossible for us to know what the right thing to do would be, and it sounds like your decisions were smart, logical and future focused.

Let me re-aassure you that your youth years are not over! Being 28 I can say that you for the last 8 years I feel like I haven't aged one bit and from talking to those who are older you never really do grow up! so if partying, meeting people and falling in love are things you want to do, you still can.

It almost sounds like you could be tackling the big question - what is the meaning of life? what is success?