I feel like I'm boring

[Rhicooper7]

All the other people I know my age (I'm almost 17) are going to parties and experimenting with drugs and alcohol and I'm unpopular and ugly so I've never been to a party or been invited I feel like I'm wasting my teenage years while everyone around me is having fun I don't want to look back and regret being a shut in because people didn't like me does anyone else feel this way and is there anyway to fix it

[BballJ]

Hi Rhicooper7,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

I can relate to a degree, when I was in high school, I was in a similar situation, was never popular and never got invited to any parties and what not so I can relate on that level. One thing that helped me was just finding a hobby and meeting people who had similar interest in the same hobby. I started playing sport and met people that way, some even went to my school which helped.

Unfortunately there is no quick fix, I wish there was and I could offer the advice that would make it better, but its all about building your self esteem up. What things are you good at or do you enjoy doing?

My best for you,

Jay

[Rhicooper7]

Hi thanks for responding I do have my friends that are like me we like shopping and going to concerts and doing our school work together but I can't help but look at the popular people and other people I'm friends with and see the fun they have and long for that I don't really have time for hobbies as I have two jobs and school just last night the guy I'm sort of involved with he told me he tired coke for the first time and he's done other stuff too I long to be exciting and liked by people maybe then guys who actually want me would be interested that guy I was talking about says he does but also does to the 4 other girls he talks too I just want to feel like I'm having fun and that people like me

[White_Rose]

Hello Rhicooper

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. This is a safe place to write about the things that upset. You will find only caring people here.

I am concerned for you and the comments you made in your last post. Experimenting with drugs may look and sound exciting but it's also a sure way to ruin your life. Please don't be pressured into even trying them, it's the first step in the wrong direction.

I see you do have friends which is great. Having two jobs and attending school is a huge load. How are you managing with your schoolwork? I know it sounds boring but going to parties every weekend will affect your work.

I suggest you contact the Kids Helpline and talk to one of their people. The number is 10800 55 1800 or you can go to their website www.kidshelpline.com.au I must fly now but will talk to you later.

Mary

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Rhicooper,

Thanks for your post and reaching out to us.

I do really want to help but first I want to try and understand; what makes you 'unpopular', what makes you 'ugly', and what makes these other people 'popular'? and most importantly, why are these 'popular' people more exciting then your friends?

I can absolutely get where you're coming from. High school was brutal for me and I definitely felt like an outsider. There were a lot of people having sex and doing drugs and I wasn't any of those people - and then I too had a job on the side so I missed out on a lot of parties and drinking nights.

What you're feeling is absolutely valid, and it's awful to feel like an outsider - but in hindsight, what would it be like to be so popular? Are they really doing things that you and your friends can't? Do you want to be out doing coke like everyone else?

[Rhicooper7]

Hi thanks for replying I was badly bullied for a lot of years at school and by my sister before then I've never had a good view of myself guys also never seem to be interested the one I mentioned above is the only one to pay attention to me and I'm pretty sure he's just using me but I still let it happen I know I'm not pretty or anything I like all alternative music and have short hair I feel that maybe if I was more like the popular girls at my school that are pretty maybe more guys would notice me and I wouldn't feel invist

[Mr_Walker]

Hi Rhicooper7,

The highschool/teenage years are one of the most anxious and stressful times in life - it does get easier...

One of the hardest things is that you're brain is wired to move from fitting in with your parents/family world to trying to fit in the wider social world of your peers - the desire to fit in and be liked is SO strong.

But you will find, once you're past that period, that other people's opinions of you (real or imagined opinions) become much less important...

I was unpopular and teased at school for being different but, as an adult, I'm so glad I was/am different - and some of those people who were partying and doing drugs are STILL doing that and that's ALL they've done...

These things are easy to say in hindsight and may not be helpful to you at this time - but I hope you can get through this difficult time and see that you ARE interesting and not boring! In fact the people who don't fit in and don't do what everyone else is doing ARE actually the interesting people!

And well done for reaching out to talk about it - good luck, J.

[kanga_brumby]

Rhicooper7 welcome to beyond blue. You feel as if your wasting your teen years on not doing drugs and getting drunk to the point of falling down. Then throwing up what you've just eaten and drunk. Take it from some one who has been there, it is not all that glamorous, plus wasteful. As for doing drugs well I have had friends who have done that seen. They have nothing to show for it now, except for a few. All they have is a grave for there loved ones to visit. They have lost there televisions there fridges washing machines homes husbands wives children jobs family have been lost to booze or drugs. You call that fun. I never would. Please I beg of you don't go down that road. Parties only if they are drug free. The booze if you know where it came from and in very small amounts.

Kanga

[BballJ]

Hi Rhicooper7,

You said that you have a good group of friends who are like you and enjoy the things you do? What is it that the popular girls have that they don't? is it simply having guys notice you? I have found in my life as high school was tough for me too as I said in my first post so I get the feeling invisible tag. I think that once you accept your friends and just enjoy your time with then, is more important for down the track. I do believe life get's easier after high school because unfortunately we are exposed to bullies (as I was too) which make it tough and make us believe things about ourselves that are not true.

We are all unique in our own ways and accepting that about ourselves is such a big step so I do encourage you to keep the friends you have close because it sounds like that have your best interests at heart.

My best,

Jay

[Ken1]

Hey Rhicooper7,

Your desires are totally valid. High school is frankly a terrible period for many people. I would consider myself as being quite popular from years 7-10 and then after that just kind of dropped out of all my social cliques. This was mostly my decision because I got so fed up listening to conversation after conversation of sex, drinking, partying, who's dating who, gossiping about other people, etc. I found it disgusting and pointless.

I am 18 now and see the people I used to be friends with literally wasting their lives away. Some of my closest friends have been heavily into drugs - but just at the party scene. A part from the fact that if they get caught they could be up against criminal charges, they don't remember a thing and do stupid things like walk in front of cars because they're so gone.

Generally, and I don't want to stereotype too heavily, but generally you will find that the "popular people" are in pain, treat others poorly (hence why they decide not to include others in the first place - like yourself) and don't make valuable memories that they'll look back on and go, "Wow, I'm so glad I spent 5 years not remembering anything because I just got drunk and did drugs."

After I left my friend groups I was miserable at school, but I was even more miserable in those groups because something always told me I was different to them and that was good!

Being popular, being liked, doing crazy things that seem exciting isn't sticking out, it's blending in.

I think you're awesome for being different! The people that don't like you don't deserve any changed version of yourself. There will be guys in the future that will see YOU and see that you're beautiful and wonderfully different and they'll fall for that. Believe it or not, people get sick of the same old skinny, popular, nasty girl.

Hope this doesn't just sound like words to you! We could tell you all the things you need to do to be popular but you may find that these things will change you in an even uglier way.

Your future self will thank the heavens and earth that you remained who you are. It's so important that you do.

Bonnie